My mother is like a zombie when it comes to being positive. Yet, she comes to life when anything negative can be expressed by her. The only time she seems to have any life is if she is being critical or judgemental of other people. Anything enjoyable she is involved with is met with completer indifference. She is not incompetent or diagnosed with dementia.
Many elderly people realize the future is bleak in terms of their health, and that dying is inevitable. It hits close to home when you get old.
I admire the elderly people who can choose to think differently; who have gardens they work in, other older folks they befriend, hobbies they can enjoy.
Sadly, those people seem to be few and far between. :(
I have heard there are stages in both life and death that we all go through and anger is one of them. When Mom blows up now, I know it is anger and frustration...she too never has much to say about happy positive events, but when there is anything bad or negative she jumps in with both feet.....she can also rip me apart with hateful words. People say don't give a second thought it is just the dementia talking but I can tell you it cut to the bone no matter what.
There are also many people who love to be negative and it is kind of like getting in on the latest gossip....everyone wants to be included. I have noticed within my own family that we seem to think it is okay to stick our noses into every other family members business and tell them just what they need to do with their children, work or spouses. I realize it is highly inappropriate now, but I grew up with everyone doing this and it became standard behavior, we all just felt we had the right to say whatever we wanted to, to each other. It is not right, but maybe your mother has always been this way and maybe she grew up in a household much like mine.
I feel for you and I feel for your mother because living a life where negative feelings are voiced all the time means you are unhappy and you don't mind making other people unhappy....
She does it to herself; won't take advantage of any of the activities offered at the assisted living facility, complains about the food, criticizes other people there who are "supposedly" her friends, tells me the aides she have "steal" things from her apartment (this is totally not true). I just want to hang up! But, I can't, because I am her sole caregiver (sister opted out a long time ago). And, she is a 2 hour drive away. She's making me crazy. I feel like she is sucking the life out of me and my family. I try to help by ordering things for her on-line; she responds by criticizing what I ordered, and telling me it has to "go back." Honestly, sometimes I just want to tell her, "Do it youself then. I'm out." But, I can't. I am calling tomorrow to try to get some visits to a LICSW for myself. I said to my husband, "I don't know who is going to go first.....her or me." She's 97, by the way, and, oh, Joannes, she, too, points out all the other residents who are "fat" (she's 5 feet, 105 lbs., and prides herself on being so "slim").