When I first found out about my mom's dementia, my emotions just sort of shut down. Then I took on a hefty role as caretaker and I never had a chance to grieve. I felt it was selfish of me to do so. People kept telling me I needed to take care of myself in order to care for others but I found it hard to know where to start.
I found that sharing my experiences on this forum and getting information allowed me to experience my emotions in a healthy way. I didn't feel alone. I've begun my grieving process. And in doing so, it makes me value the time I spend with my mother more. So I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all those who contribute and respond. You guys really help in ways you can never imagine!
I think that is often what early dementia is like -- it is hard for the caregiver to "remember" that the loved one is not working with a fully functioning brain, and therefore to take things personally or have unreasonable expectations.
Cut yourself some slack. This is an extraordinary job, and it is all on-the-job training!
On a practical note, I learned to always leave a note for my husband (when he was still well enough that I could leave him for brief periods.) "At Target. Back at 3:30" Even if he seemed to understand when I told him, I found it was necessary to write it down, too. My mother (92, early dementia) just moved in with my sister and she is putting up a white board for the same purpose. "At bowling league with Bob. Rita is coming over. See you at noon." Don't count on your mother remembering anything any more. And even if she is asking the question for control needs, if you can just smile and say, "right were the white board says I would be -- at work" it might relieve some pressure. A white board or written notes are the way to go!
So, StChaos, when you came on and thanked those and this site for helping you, I totally agree with you! This is a give-and-take site. We all learn from one another - validates what we are going through, and what we will be eventually be going through. How we can handle certain situations. And I will be forever grateful that my reaction to father's beginning Poopy Stage is NORMAL!! I thought I must have had some kind of childhood trauma because when his poop is NOT in the pampers where it should be - I literally froze and wanted to walk out of their lives. Cleaned the mess and then did my crying fit afterwards. Stuff like this is soooo helpful for those of us entering each New Stage of the Dementia disease. We thank you also!
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