Jocelyne Asked July 2015
How can we best encourage our long-distance siblings to call or write their Mom. Any tricks up someone's sleeve?
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We are in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I have one bro in Charlotte area of NC, one bro in Montgomery area of AL, and one sister in Monterey, CA.
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To tell the truth, when I hear my brothers' families talk about how they're going on vacations, amusement parks, camping, etc., like they think it's all so interesting, I really want to ask them if they realize how trivial they sound. Goodness! They're senior citizens.
I watched the winning video from a Gates Foundation contest this morning. It was about humanity's circle of compassion and thought about how it goes from absolute narcissism to complete altruism. When it comes to aging parents, however, many (probably most) push the old folks outside the circle of compassion. Thank goodness for the people who are compassionate enough to expand their own circles to encompass caring for the older folks. I'm talking about the ones who don't charge an arm and a leg to expand the circle.
When I was serving My apprenticeship as a trainee plumber, I trained with a lovely Man, Who was many years My Senior. Paddy had many fine old sayings, and one which Is very appropriate here, and this is it...SURELY THE MOST HEART BREAKING THING IN LIFE MUST BE, IS TO REAR A THANKLESS SON. Shame on Them.
Some people just don't feel comfortable calling an older relative - they just don't know what to say or what to talk about, especially if the elder person isn't very talkative.
You could update the siblings by e-mail with descriptions of activities you and your mother have been doing, health issues, etc. so the siblings have something to discuss. Give them clues so they have an idea what's going on.
If they're not the calling kind, ask them to send cards. For someone who's older, those cards can mean a lot. Letters or brief notes can be included describing recent activities, plans, family life, etc. Think of the holiday letters people often send at Christmas - full of reports on activities, plans, trips, vacations, etc.
When my father was in rehab for the first time, a close relative brought down a foam board, like a poster board, with 2 sided tape. I brought in all the cards received at home, we taped them to the poster board, and kept it in his room.
Visitors were surprised and interested, wanting to read the cards themselves. Staff also took quick looks at the cards - the card board attracted a lot of attention and increased the level of staff interaction.
If you can convince your siblings to send cards, you could create a board for your mother, or a scrapbook, that she can peruse when she feels the need for family companionship.