I feel I've given up my life. I have two. Mom and her live (18yrs). End stages copd and severe arthritis and blood issues. Both late 70's. I have 3 kids, 4 Grandkids, and hubby of 21 yrs. lived in moms basement apt(paid rent for that dungeon) 7 yrs. hubs just got a new place. Couldn't deal anymore and I can't blame him but couldn't go with. Nw I feel abandoned. I am 51 and must ask permission to go somewhere. If I go watch tv in my room (can't stand golf) she calls every ten mins with excuses y I need to come back upstairs. HE isn't as bad as he plays off, milks it. Sits, nd waits to be served. I feel taken advantage of, manipulated daily, treated like a child. Mom very controlling. Specific spoon or fork or bowl or paper plate size each meal. I swear she wants food at a full rolling boil, then has to pee and it gets cold. Start all over. I am upstairs at 9am and am lucky to go "home" (their rec room now) by 11pm. I get the pouty face routine. I am old, fat, depressed, and just want to be lazy. I want-to be able to say "no, I don't want any pie but I'll get you some" without getting pressured. I want- to have someone else pick up those little fuzz balls off the carpet that annoy her so much. I want- to be able to go somewhere w/o a curfew (meds, treatments). I want- to have a place to have my Grandkids come see me. I want- to be able to say "yes, i'll meet you for lunch" to my husband. I want- to be respected and not be told how to dress, when, hw, who, what every aspect of my life. But it's not about me.
I love my mom with ll of my being and I do know that when she is gone I will rest well knowing I gave of myself to make her final years comfortable. Sure would live to runaway though! Thanks for lustening
You do not need to heat up her food again. She can potty before she eats. And you can remind her of that along with "the food is hot now and will not be reheated." If she won't eat, it's her loss, isn't it. She may use this behavior as a control issue. She won't let you tell her when she will eat. She will delay and then tell you when she will eat.
How disabled are they? Would some rehab help them be more independent? What about outside help? Is the anything available through elder services?
Your first responsibility is to your immediate family (husband and children) then your parents. Sometimes social services won't help until you won't.
I give in to mom a lot because it's just easier than listening to it. I pick my battles. Does it frustrate me? YES. Example of a win- last night, she wants beef stew thickened up. Wants me to bring her flour, measuring cup, water, Yellow bowl, green spoon with wood handle. Then she mixes while I strain veggies and and add all back together. I just did myself and was done quicker than I typed this, my way with any ol spoon, any ol bowl and didn't strain. She was ticked but dealt. Sometimes it's good to let her be involved but not in a time crunch. More later, on duty. Lol
We just got help coming in thru a local resource agency. Started last week. Only 4 hrs per week but it's a start and my foot is in the door now so will carry me thru hospice. Now we trying to adjust, as in "mom, I'm not going to clean the house so this new person won't see dirt when she comes to clean it." what? Lol seniors say the darnedest things! I'm sorry your marriage is struggling Skinonna, just make the most of time you do have. Maybe trade days at moms? One goes while the other stays home and prepares romantic meal?
we each have an ipad and she is 3 feet from me so she knows if I'm on f.b. or what. has been asking questions since I began on here now so I must be sneaky. "its nothing mom, just venting about you." hahaha never would do that! I laugh at it all as much as possible countrymouse. That's how I stay sane (or am I?)
I am finally starting to break her of meddling into my families business the way she does mine. She means well but gets things twisted and misspeaks to the wrong people now so I cant tell her much, but she used to be really bad about wanting to know private things like -how much $ does my son-in law earn ect.. got mad that I say IDK. I don't pry , my kids are adults. I treat them as such.