My partner and I took a two night stay in Dallas just to get away, relax and have some fun for a change. We paid for a sitter, had food cooked for both of them, brought back gifts for mom etc. just to find out my brother who I let know we were going called my mom asking questions about who paid for this. Her sister had the same questions. I get so tired of keeping every unneeded receipt so we can prove at the drop of the hat who paid for what. They don't seem to care when we show how much we have spent of our money on my mom but if I pick up her six boxes of cereal, 7 quarts of 12/12, her cigs and use her debit card I better not have a coke on the receipt I got at the checkout for me. It's gotten past ridiculous and caused an irreversible split in our family. We have gotten to the point we don't want to see any of my family other than my children and their family. We normally have a huge Halloween with lots of food etc. but making a point to have just enough for us with no invites to eat if any off the others show up....am I being a total A _ _ or just over it after caring for mom for 4.5 years? It might be different if they were helping out either by giving us a break or helping with her overages.
I went to a lawyer as soon as my sibling accused me of taking money. I had taken zero , proved it, and the siblings got a nasty letter from the lawyer. The lawyer told them that I have taken nothing, but I should be compensated for the 24 hour care in my home. I then had a caregivers contract made out and started getting paid. So the wicked siblings did me a favor, shame on them. This was years ago, I saved all the money I got separatelyand when hers ran out, I used it for her again. This kept the money safe from who was not helping is she had died. She is still hanging in there, she may outlive us all. lol
As I say, sister gets a drop of my sympathy for that. Evil cackle!
Celebrations are really difficult, I agree with you there, too. Am I tripping the light fantastic at my mother's expense if I enjoy the party too? Should I more correctly wear black and sit by the wall supervising?
A despairing official at our grandly named Office of the Public Guardian, when I called for advice on accounting procedures and how much detail was required, ended up with a half-wail "you just have to use your common sense..!" And so you do. But for common sense it seems to be a rare commodity round here :)
I try my best to carry on as my mother normally would have done, given her reduced capacity for socialising, and run things past my POA sister if there is the slightest whiff of anything out of the ordinary. Whichever lawyer back in the mists of time it was who came up with that wonderful word "reasonable" must have died a very rich man indeed. Sigh.
Believe me, the feds can be very picky and refuse to cover her. It's not pretty, is it.