I have been caring for my mum as her live-in-caregiver for exactly a year now. I own my own condo which I locked up when I moved in with my mum. One of the thoughts that I think about the most is .. who will look after me when I need care? I am almost 53, single and have no children. It scares me a bit knowing I don't really have anyone to watch out for me or my care when I am old, yet still living at home. Does anyone else have these worries?
Going right now to drink some more water :)
As for the definition of "caregiver" I am very familiar with what a caregiver is. I have been a geriatric caregiver for almost 30 years, long before I was caring for my mum. Doing banking, and looking after financial matters is not a caregiver. It is a very important duty and it is very helpful but it falls more into the category of POA.
I think my question that I posted PROVES that there is fear about not being cared for because there is such a range of emotion on this topic.
I hope when the time gets closer, you will reconsider and allow "strangers" to help bathe, dress and provide meals for you. This is what they are trained to do and there are many caring individuals out there. I remember years ago my mother always said she would never burden her kids with having to care for her and she wanted to go into a home but then when the time arrived last year, she was more than happy to allow me to care for her. I am more fortunate than many on here as my mum is in a position to pay me a salary. I would not have been able to be her caregiver otherwise, because I have to make a living .. I have no spouse.
Even if my question about having to face your own fears about who is going to care for you doesn't provide all the answers, I hope it will get people thinking and planning for their future!
I really don't believe in taking my own life, although I've already been thinking of how I could get enough pills to do it painlessly. I don't think I would ever go through with it, but I don't want to suffer, either.
In my case, I guess the main issue is whether or not my son will outlive me. Since he has Down Syndrome, his life span is shorter than normal according to what I've read. Unfortunately, his chances of having dementia at an early age or having a blood disorder later in life are both pretty high. So if I can't be there for him, and he can't be there for me, who will be there for both of us????
Please, let's keep providing support for each other. The question was "Have you had to face your own fears about who is going to look after you?" The answer is YES.
I have kids but who is to say they will outlive me or my husband for that matter. I'm going to be as prepared as possible, that's all I can do. I'd sure consider a move to Oregon.
Being a "caregiver" does not necessarily mean that the person has to live under your same roof. I lived 3 states away from my elderly father with dementia and realized it would be less traumatic to put him in assisted living in the region where he grew up, in his own state. However, I had to single-handedly take care of everything - his finances, his medical coordination, his legal papers, his house sale, give away his possessions, etc. Because he already had some dementia when my mother suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack, I also had to take care of all of HER stuff in addition. It was, in some ways, actually MORE work to do all of that than it would have been to just move dad to where I was living. So, I was most certainly a "caregiver" even though dad was not under my roof - and it occupied a lot of my life for the last 3 years of HIS life.
If medical science continues to artificially extend our life expectancy, who is going to care for all of these 100+-old persons? Who will foot the bill? I know it sounds heartless, but there will eventually have to be strict rationing of healthcare to the very elderly, because it is a poor use of resources (for example) to give a kidney transplant to a 90-year-old when there are not enough kidneys to go around to the 30-year-olds who need them.
I also have no children - by choice, in my case. I get angry at people who bring a child into the world "so there will be someone to take care of me in my old age." That's a horribly selfish reason to give birth! There is no guarantee that the child will outlive you or that they will be responsible enough, or healthy enough, to be able to take part in your elder care. I agree with Macada....pre-planning is the best option for us. If we live long enough, we ALL get to the point where we can longer take care of ourselves.
It is only going to get worse as the baby boomers age. Good luck to us all.
I guess the best you can do is to see an elder lawyer and plan the best you can.
As I said in an earlier post, I don't want to live past 80. Any longer than that would be just ... wrong.
I do not want to go through that. I've been single w/no children all my life. Being that, I've seen how you don't realize the dementia is creeping up on your. After Mother dies I'll take all the trips I've wanted to take, but delayed them. I'm now 66. Last year I had a cardiac stent put in and I know it was from my smoking. I quit and am in great health now. However, when I'm about 75 I'm moving to Washington or Oregon, both of which have legal assisted-suicide, with my friend who is also single w/no children and been super moral support for me through this. I'm going to start smoking again and refuse a stent and hope I die quick of a heart attack, plus we are going to buy guns to shot each other, I think God will understand.
I hope we can keep this thread going, because I am also in the same situation of having no one to care for me. I'm not so worried about where I'll live, etc., but who will be there for emotional support? I don't want to end up alone in a nursing home, but I have an adopted disabled son to live for. He lives in his own supported living apartment, but I am the only family he has, too. Peace and good wishes to everyone....