My Mom and I moved in with my Grandmother a few years ago because she was getting up there in age and needed some help. We packed up our bags and left our friends and Church family behind to move about 2 hours north to move in with her and take care of her. Even with her advanced age, she was still extremely active. She's retired Clergy and takes part in different church services throughout the year. A few days before Christmas this past year she was taking part in a service and she ended up falling and breaking her hip. Christmas eve she was in the OR having her hip fixed up and then she spent about a month in rehab. After coming out of Rehab my Aunt forced her to move in with her while she recovered and assured us that it was only temporary. Now 6 months later my Grandmother is wanting to come home and we had it all worked out with my aunt that she would be returning home this month. However my Aunt is trying to convince her to stay and not come home. During the last 6 month my Aunt was giving power of attorney so she could make decisions for my grandmother if she wasn't able to.
Is there any way my Aunt could force my grandmother to stay with her and if so what are our options? My grandmother has made it very clear to everyone involved that she wants to come home. My Aunt yells and screams at her all the time. My mom will be talking to her on the phone and I'll hear my Aunt screaming at her in the background clear across the room through the phone. My Grandmother loves to listen to the ball games and my Aunt refuses to let her have the ball games on in her house even if she used headphones. My aunt basically treats her like a little kid and she's getting tired of it. When my mom goes over to sit with her while my Aunt is out working my grandmother will be in tears practically half the time over the way my aunt is treating her.
I know any legal battle will destroy the Family but we are determined to get my grandmother back home where she belongs. What are our options if it turns into a legal battle? Thanks.
My first answer suggested going when aunt is out to avoid a stand-up shouting match, for everyone’s sake. Not to ‘sneak in’. Mother is already there if aunt is out. The extra mate can carry the bags. If aunt is at home, two men are likely to ‘over-awe’ her and minimise the shouting match.
Then what's the problem? What's stopping your grandmother moving back to your mother's house with your mother and you as her primary caregivers?
If she merely granted your aunt POA for the time when she can no longer handle her affairs, then you can bring Grandma home if it's what she wants.
The sneaking into the house when your aunt is gone is dishonest and underhanded, though, and suggests there's more to this story than we're hearing.
Even though the Doctors told the whole family that my Grandmother was perfectly fine being left alone my Aunt hasn't allowed my Grandmother to be left alone for more then an hour or so since she got out of rehab. So we have it set up so when my Aunt needs to go to work my Mom goes over and stays with my Grandmother while my Aunt is out. NO ONE is sneaking around.
And no my Aunt isn't exercising her POA right now. My Grandmother just needed to have someone assigned as POA after getting out of Rehab and my Grandmother doesn't want to be left on Life Support or anything and she thought my Aunt would be quicker to pull the plug then my Mom would be so she picked my Aunt.
My grandmother does have Memory issues but she's still perfectly fine to make her own decisions. If anyone is Kidnapping my Grandmother it's my Aunt because my Grandmother has made it perfectly clear where she wants to be.
What makes situations like this difficult is usually something else. Such as:
your grandmother not in fact being of sound mind;
your aunt having reason to believe that your grandmother would not be safe at home with your and your mother's care;
your grandmother being unwilling, for whatever reason, to tell your aunt that she is leaving.
So. Give. What else might be going on that makes your aunt believe that it is better for your grandmother to live with her?
On the principal can give POA to anyone, so what you are saying is that your grandmother gave POA to this daughter over your Mom, her other daughter. She did this herself. And apparently was and is of sound mind.
If your grandmother is of sound mind and wishes to move with you and your Mom then it is as simple as the two of you going to an attorney and working out changing POA from one sister to your Mom, the other sister. Do know that your Mom has to be ready to assume this task; it is onerous in that every penny in and out of aunts accounts is accountable for in excellent record keeping.
IF grandmother is of sound mind, she can make any choice she likes. It sounds she is being torn between two sisters who are at war. And that can NEVER be made easy. Reread about Solomon's choice with the baby in your bible.
As to legal options, those are best explained to you by an Elder Law Attorney. If you are looking at a guardianship fight you better have about 10,000 in your hand to start with.
I wish you all good luck. I am sorry for the family dissension. It sounds, from what you describe, that Aunt isn't very active in practicing her Christian faith. But then you have only one side in this story. I hope things will work out for you all.
Don’t forget to arrange for that POA to be replaced with what your mother actually wants. She may have changed her mind after this experience!