As some of you know, my mom went home from a SNF last week. She has 24/7 care. She begged to go home from the SNF and now she is begging me to let her live alone in her home (as she did for 35 years prior to her stroke). She calls me constantly to tell me she absolutely does not want a caregiver there anymore. It's not because of the caregivers' personalities or anything, she just doesn't believe she needs full time care. There is no point in reasoning with her and pointing out that she is in a wheelchair, can't walk or transfer, can't use her left hand. She simply says she can take care of herself. I block her number for most of the day to avoid the repeated calls, which of course makes me feel guilty. I see a therapist, I'm on an antidepressant, which was working well before this whole stroke episode. I don't know what to do. There is no way to answer her or reason with her on this topic. And of course it's heartbreaking. I know there's no answer, but I have been sobbing all day. I can't handle this.
Do you think her memory was affected from the stroke? Sounds like it was if she keeps calling you repeating, and thinks she can take care of herself. If that is the case, like you said there is no way you can convince her. I would just say to her "maybe tomorrow, Mom".
Seeing a therapist is good, I also go to one. And am on meds to calm me down which I should have done 7 years ago as one's body can only take so much. I spent many a night lying wide awake the whole night because my mind was running in circles. I was just not caregiver material except for the logistical side of caregiving.
Medicate her agitation with an Rx from the MD. Firmly but kindly tell her NO about being alone. Keep her number blocked, accept only calls from the caregivers phones. Call her once a day and keep it cheery; as soon as she goes negative, end the call. Your health comes first, remember that.
Think of when your kids were 2 or 3. Yes, we explained things to our kids. But we did not expect them to reason with an adult mindset. There were times when you said " it's cold out there. The temperture says you have to wear a coat".
" Sorry mom. The doctors say you have to have someone there 24/7. It's a legal thing. I can't do anything about it".
You hang up. You don't take any more calls that day.
You get her to a neuropsych/neurology team to have her cognitive skills assessed. Antidepressant/antianxiety meds may help.
Crying is de rigeur. I do it almost every time i come home from the nursing home.