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There is not a law that forces an adult to care for another, even parents. I would hire a home health aide to assist you and your wife instead.
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erwash,

Are you having mental problems? Look up psychiatric help in your area and see if they can get the proper medication or treatment if you need it. You seem to be delusional. Have you suffered from mental health issues in the past? Get help. It’s out there if you really, truly want it, for both medical and mental health.
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erwash Apr 2019
Looks like more than half of these responses come from you. No need to reply to anyone else, sounds like you are a habitual responder to this forum with obviously no idea of what you are saying or doing. I am extremely disappointed with the level of intelligence/experience in this forum and as a person with 2 masters degrees I will now move on to hopefully something more in tune with my level of intellect and understanding.
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I've read the entire thread and I don't get why we are dumping all over this poster, there have been plenty of other people who have come to the forum with similar dysfunctional families and people have taken the time to walk with them step by step all the way despite their stubborn resistance.
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SparkyY Apr 2019
You have tried to help. Before the dumping he shot down every single idea that was given to him. It's like he knew that's what you'd say and had an answer prepared. Drs don't know what they're talking about, kids are swimming in money and should help us, there's no care for ageing anywhere in Florida. The only thing that was not done was offering him money.
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Hi Erwash, people on this site have lots of experience with parents dying in end stage of life. Perhaps if you could give more information about how you are 'slowly dying', we could give you more sympathy and helpful advice.
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erwash; I don't think that we have a full appreciation of your situation. And you haven't come back to explain some of the issues that we've asked about, which leaves some folks to speculate.

If you'd like solid advice, please come back. We care.
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If you have to force them to help it's probably not worth the effort ,if they have to do something with no good intentions they're not going to be compassionate about doing it. I personally wouldn't want someone that didn't want to help . Caregiving takes a caring, kind,loving person ,and the person being taken care of can sense a person's feelings,
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Youngonce,

I agree. If something isn’t done from a person’s heart. I don’t want it.
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cwille,

Forgive me if I came across as being judgmental or dumping on OP. I certainly didn’t mean it that way. Risks of posting, no one can see our expressions or hear tones in our voices. I apologize to OP and anyone else if I offended anyone. It is delusional to believe that absolutely no help is available. Or no social workers in Florida.

I wasn’t accusing him of having mental problems. Not dumping on him either. It just seems terribly confusing to me and several others on this thread. I wish he and his wife well. Have no idea what his situation is. He never fully explained it.

Other people receive help in Florida. I hope he finds the help he needs, whatever that is.

It appears as if he is confused. Many people get confused, young and old. We all have been confused about something in our lifetime.

I have sought help from a therapist before. If I needed medication I would take it. Many others have sought help, used medication for rough patches or certain conditions. There is no shame in that.

I suggested seeking getting mental help so he could possibly move forward. He’s apparently stuck. Many of us get stuck in certain areas. It is good to reach out. Most times it takes awhile to process everything. Nothing happens overnight.
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rovana Apr 2019
I'm wondering if the OP is a person with rigid ideas of family duty, will accept only help that corresponds with fixed ideas.
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Here's how I Iook at this situation. If this man is going to lose everything. They are living in poverity. No food on the table. Then the children should have a responsibility to help financially, especially if they have the money to do so. But...there is a reason why they don't.

I agree with one poster, this is a scammer looking for a hand out. He has shot down every suggestion that has been given him. You cannot tell me there are no resources in Fla. And he hasn't replied since posters have started to question him.

Now, I have a friend that does the same thing. Shoots down everything you suggest. After getting blamed by leaving a nasty message for not keeping her in the loop about something I knew nothing about, I have chosen not to talk to her until I get an apology. (She left me a message and ignored my call back and text to tell her I didn't know what she was talking about. Oh, when I tried to leave a message, her VM was FULL)

So this is either a scammer or a person who is never satisfied. There is a reason why children ignore parents.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Oh my gosh, JoAnn

Me too! I have dealt with a person like that and recently told them that it was extremely draining and I hope she figures it all out but I was not going to be involved anymore in her delusional thinking. This woman would never apologize to anyone for any reason. Sad. All of us say the wrong thing sometimes but it goes beyond that with her. She always blames the other person.

Misunderstandings happen occasionally with friends and family and reasonable people move forward. Not this woman! Everything is embellished and it can drive people crazy.

I was the last one of a group of women to keep in touch with her. We called her and every single one of us heard the same thing as you are describing. She does owe you an apology.

It took me awhile but I caught onto why everyone had dropped out of the picture. I was trying to be compassionate. I’m an empath and sometimes we pay a price for being compassionate.
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I’ve reread everything and I must be a Pollyanna but I still don’t sense a scammer. His wife is 87. He’s possibly 90! This is not some spry baby boomer just retired and in command of his physical and mental abilities. He’s the stubborn grandfather everyone here complains about...except he’s the caregiver trying to navigate the system. Again, if he’s still following, my advise to him is revisit his doctor and pay heed to his advise. .
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Could be, rocket. Who knows? That’s what we are trying to determine. He’s pretty good at the computer or smart phone!

My mom would not be able to navigate through this site or any other website. She does have a smart phone but only uses to to dial and receive calls. I take photos of things for her. She likes that.
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I just googled social workers for the elderly in Florida and over a dozen resources popped up! If he logs back in I will remind him that help is available. If he says the confusing things he did before then I will continue to be baffled. As I said before, I wish him well. I don’t believe anyone felt any animosity towards OP, just confused trying to figure out his circumstances. We were simply inquiring about his situation and offered suggestions that may have been helpful for he and his wife.
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Like other posters I too believe there are two sides to every story. For whatever reason he chose not to give any information. I’m sure that there is a story there. Maybe I have no concept of extreme levels of wealth, but I don’t think the wife’s kids and grandchildren have unlimited funding. I do know from the endowments I’ve worked with as an accountant there is usually a way to ask for funding - even if the endowment is funded to an individual. All endowments donate a certain amount of money for good causes. And from an accounting and tax perspective a trust would be most beneficial. I’m sure the poster would tell me I’m uninformed. I think (don’tknow) that this person probably didn’t plan for old age and illness.
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Yep, no answers from OP, but he is still the only one that knows anything.

Must be a sad, lonely world to have to deal with mere mortals all the time.
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Isthisreallyreal,

OP replied by insulting me. You can see it if you read his reply to one of my postings. He spoke his mind loud and clear. He obviously has problems. So sad.


Most likely, his kids didn’t walk away but ran away as fast as they could. Can’t say that I blame them by the way he spoke to me. Poor kids.
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I meant not answering any questions, he has responded but with nastiness and ignorance. He is the only one that knows anything so none of us can be of any help.

He got ugly with my response, but I knew he would. The truth makes people mad.😀
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
How true, isthisreallyreal! You said it all!
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erwash,

Indeed, as you said in your insulting reply to me, it may be time for you to move on. Why participate in a forum if you won’t allow anyone to ask questions? We expressed our concerns to you. You were giving confusing, vague answers. Help yourself by finding a good therapist to speak with. This means a two way conversation, not a monologue from you or you shutting down and not speaking. The therapist has a right to question anything they need you to clarify. Please be honest and answer them so they can help you.

Looks like I hit a nerve with you even after explaining what I meant and that tells me a lot. If you spoke to your children the way you responded to me. your kids most likely did not abandon you, you may have chased them away with a nasty, know it all attitude. How sad for them.

Children are a gift. Parents are blessed to have them just as much as children are blessed to have their parents. Nevertheless, your children owe you nothing!

I appreciate the wisdom of worriedinCa, NY, isthisreallyreal, Barb, JoAnn and many, many others on this forum and they are welcome to question me and even disagree with me, but they have never insulted me and continue to show respect to me as well as others.

I don’t care if you claim to have two masters or even a PhD, it doesn’t mean that you know everything. Learning is a lifelong journey that doesn’t end with a masters degree.

I have a good education but honestly there are people with very little education that have amazing wisdom. There are some things that simply can’t be learned out of a book!

Best of luck to you, certainly looks like you need it.

You would do well to learn some humility. Do yourself a favor and find a good book and read up on it. Yes, that was meant to be sarcastic. I have enormous compassion but cross a line and the compassion goes out of the window!

By the way, NO ONE was dumping on you! Just trying to help. EVERYONE has something valid to bring to the table. Some are direct, some are indirect, whatever...all of us deserve respect.
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erwash Apr 2019
And best of luck to you as well. Looks like you will need it with all your posts. Funny certain types seem to live on these forums. Maybe they need to get a life.
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TRUCE!!!!

Folks are allowed to come here, expecting to get approbation for the view that they have of their situation. I came here, nearly a decade ago, expecting just that.

Some folks, when they get pushback from the neat little story they've told, and get told to look at the situation from a different angle, react with anger and virtriol.

Other folks, seeing that they are getting a different take on what they thought was the truth, decide to stick around and sometimes get their world view shaken up a bit. And emerge wiser.

Don't bash the OP. He can't hear what we're saying. The kids won't help. He sounds desperate. We could probably lead him to better, non-family resources, but like many folks, he's been groomed to think that you should stay away from "official" resources and rely only on family. That is the choice of people who make that choice.

Let's just let him move on. All the best to you, ERwash.
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cwillie Apr 2019
I agree Barb, it really doesn't do any good to keep rehashing things, if the OP is sincerely bewildered and seeking information he has been run off and will never be open to "hearing" a different viewpoint, if he is a troll he is enjoying the continued discourse. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of what our parents probably taught us - if you can't say anything good it is better to say nothing at all.
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True, Barb.

That’s more or less what I said. Just venting to his insults to me. I wished him well over and over, up until the last post. Still do hope he receives help no matter what his personality or position.

Should be mutual respect on both sides. He certainly didn’t respect me.
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Okay, point taken cwille

I am just like everyone else. Not perfect.
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worriedinCali Apr 2019
You did nothing wrong here. The OP had no right to be rude and hostile in his responses.
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Ok, I think his reply to Needhelp said he was leaving which I think he did. I think he was a Troll. A short definition on internet...

"troll is a person who starts quarrels or upsets people on the Internet to distract and sow discord by posting inflammatory and digressive, extraneous, or off-topic messages"

As soon as I read his response to Needhelp, I was pretty sure he was one. If not, we now know why his kids don't help him. He has always thought himself above us mere mortals. So everyone was probably just waiting for him to be pushed off that Pedestal he has put himself on.

My BIL has a PHD, worked for U of M as a professor for 25 yr and makes 6 figure pension. So this mans PHD should have made him some money.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Thanks, JoAnn

I don’t feel I was wrong to stand up for myself. I have always taught my children to stand up for themselves and it saved my daughter from continuing in an abusive relationship. Thank God she didn’t marry the guy!

It’s who I am. I’m going to defend myself if I am insulted or attacked. I am not a rude person by nature. I show compassion and mercy to those who deserve it and will continue to do so.

Maybe he is is a troll. Who knows and who cares?
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I wondered if ERwash was an immigrant. Different cultures have very different views on what children should do to support their family. He might also have a very different view of what swimming in money is. I've not heard of kids getting endowments. I am familiar with trust funds. Money from a trust fund can be closely regulated for very long time indeed. Well into a child's majority, like until they are in their 60's. Or even longer if there is a "spend thrift" or disabled clause.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Could be.
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Endowments for individuals are very unusual. Trusts are a much better instrument for individuals or a family. I work as an accountant (CPA) for several individuals and families. The only endowments I have experience with are a small museum and a private school.
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Something is very wrong with this post
nothing ads up. I think it needs to be taken down
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Yep!
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Perhaps I have a ‘different’ sense of humour, but I found Erwash’s posts really funny from the first one. And they got funnier as we learned more about his assessments of everyone else and also himself. He really needs a mirror! Finding a way to reply ‘helpfully’ was a real challenge! Yes it is possible that the bloke is on the level and simply cannot see how he presents himself. Now he is “extremely disappointed with the level of intelligence/experience in this forum and as a person with 2 masters degrees I will now move on to hopefully something more in tune with my level of intellect and understanding.” Erwash, I’d love to know the nature of your undergraduate and masters degrees (psychology???), and I hope that you will report back to us about where you find ‘something more in turn with your level of intellect’. My experience as a long standing Mensa member is that their level of intellect, qualifications and sense of humour is pretty much like most of the regular posters on this site. Good luck, mate!
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Margaret,

I always knew you were intelligent!

Best answer yet! Love it. Totally laughable!!!🤣. Yes, he needs tons of luck and apparently money too. His family doesn’t want anything to do with him either. Gee, I wonder why!
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This thread is bananas. Poster (OP) has repeatedly found fault with what is suggested to them, and in fact claims intellectual superiority and says they will go elsewhere to get better information suited for their superior mind and understanding.

One would think all that superior thinking would've led to a Google search on the topics that have been raised, such as filial responsibility laws.

Perhaps OP is suffering from mental disorder, perhaps they are a troll, perhaps they are as-represented and simply very entitled and smug.

Either which way, I'm calling it now: this thread is a Dumpster Fire. It doesn't quite meet the criteria to be Bait, and it's not CopyPasta, nor is it a Sh*tpost. It's Dumpster Fire. :-)

Trying to bring some humor into this and put in perspective. I love you folks and don't like to see energy expended on taking someone seriously when they have shown they don't deserve that. Agree with Margaret -- this is for wry laughs only at this point. I wish OP the best.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Ali,

Yep, he seems to be delusional. I thought mental illness too!
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Ha ha, so true everyone. What did the OP do to have family "abandon" or in other words, not put up with the BS. My first/only guess is NPD.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Yes! You are so wise!
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Well, this thread has been, ahem, an interesting read. Goodness!
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There needs to be a way, like individual posts, we can hit a report button on the original post to ask that it not be posted to. Plus us as posters are able to stop a post once we have an answer. I have seen a few where the poster has updated her post saying the problem is solved and people continue to post. And ones where the OP never posts or replies.
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worriedinCali Apr 2019
Good ideas Joann. I also wish there was a way to add a note when we report a post, so that we can explain why we are reporting it or why we think it should be removed or closed to new replies.

Some messages boards allow the original author mark their question/post as “solved” and the answer they chose as the solution is highlighted at the top of all the replies. Would be nice if there was a similar feature here.
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Here is an example if you want the AC admin to take over control of a question that has gone south:

"This question is closed to further comments by the AC Moderator."

I am reporting this post, by clicking "report" below.


(Someone had to do it).
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worriedinCali Apr 2019
No,
no one but a smart ass had to do it.

im sure most here know how to report a post. But we’d still like
to send a PRIVATE message detailing why we are reporting it.
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Yes..Find OTHER "Angels" That God will Give you, sweetie, These Ones, Hun...ARE NOT ONES YOU CAN COUNT ON.
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jacobsonbob Apr 2019
Parise--I, at least, don't quite understand what you are talking about, whom you are addressing or to whom you are referring. Would you please elaborate a bit? Thanks!
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