I had something come up that kind of shocked me, and out of nowhere. Want to know what others thought and would do, or if anyone has had similar a situation. I had a family member ask if he could take my dad out fishing, was upset that my dad doesn't get to go out and do stuff, that's a quote.
He wanted to use my dads boat as well. Also my dad is a big guy over 6 foot tall and 230 lbs, cannot walk, can stand for transfer but his balance is bad, he's a huge fall risk, he has a limited range of movement with arms, can't cast, even getting him in and out of a car is difficult. Said person who asked, is a 5'7 male. I told him it would not be safe for my dad to do that because of his balance issues and a wheel chair being on a floating dock, as well as transferring my dad from his wheelchair to a boat on the water would not be safe, said boat is a bass boat, no rails to hang onto, floor deck is low, seats sit high above the boat edge, so getting dad out of the boat would be near impossible as well. I used to fish with my dad all the time on this boat, I know it well, I'm familiar with fishing, so I was really shocked that this family member would not grasp how unsafe that would be and I was fully aware of that. And also dad does go out and do stuff, but it's hard because my dad doesn't like to do much, doesn't like going to movies, can't read, can barely write, cannot walk, can barely stand, dad fights with other people. That the reason he lives with me. My dad likes to go out to eat, watch westerns and country music videos. We go for drives in the country, he loves that, likes to look at the crops, likes to go out for lunch or dinner. He goes to a farmstead that he really enjoys, and minor league baseball games.
Has any one else struggled with this kind of stuff? This family member is usually busy with marathons and traveling, welcome to come and visit when he or anyone else wants and he rarely does.
Also any ideas anyone have for a guy like my dad, things I can take him to do that he might actually like. Thanks all.
Thankfully, Pop told me about a week before. I called my sister and informed her nicely that I didn't have the legal right to tell her or her son what to do - but if anything happened to Dad, she was and would be totally responsible for him while he was out of state.
Long story short, her son married 30 miles away instead of 7 hours away. And no, again I was actually informed that I was NOT invited.
That was cool - no gift necessary!
Yes, it hurts when people assume you are treating a loved one unfairly. What the nephew didn't know is I actually asked my dad if the nephew was right. I asked him if he felt I was keeping him from doing anything he wanted to do. My dad was very happy with my care and chose me to help him, not my sister and definitely not my nephew.
I believe if you explain that if they take your dad out on the boat, they are responsible for anything that could happen - this kind of changes a lot of people's minds.
Good luck to you! I know, I pray for my sanity every night :)
Other than that, yeah, I agree with the others that he really only wants access to the boat.
If dad seems at all interested in fishing, this could easily be accomplished from the shore. A boat doesn't need to be involved - specifically for the reasons you mentioned.
Thank him for his concern. Make a safer suggestion if he just wants to take your Dad out and, if you are good with it, offer to let him borrow the boat so he can go out with an able bodied friend.
You are doing an excellent job doing things with Dad that he enjoys. You don't need to listen to these "do nothing, know nothing" interfering relatives. Relax you are in charge.