He needs PT to stay strong enough to stay home. Dad is 80 years old w/spinal stenosis, diabetes, chronic pain and severe mobility problems. 3 months ago he had neuro surgery and is recovering (earlier this year, he lost complete use of his hands and became incontinent). He had serious surgery, did 3 weeks in-hospital intense PT and has had 5-6 weeks of PT since he got home in late August. He has made so much progress! But now, he decided to focus on one aspect of the PT he hates - won't talk to the therapists about his concerns - and decided that "its not doing any good." I could honor his decision - except Mom (70 w/no health issues) is taking care of him and, quite frankly, it's killing her (not being dramatic - literally). His response to my concerns about how his decision affects his family is "Oh well, that's okay. I won't go downhill, not me." We have already done 5 months of the hospital, nursing home cycle earlier this year. I can't help but to feel that I am left to wait until he gets so weak that Mom can no longer take care of him at home (she is refusing home health services) and/or he ends up in hospital. He says that PT isn't that important and I am blowing it out of proportion. Am I?
Yes PT can hurt...I've had two frozen shoulders and have a rotator cuff tear now but I'm intrinsically motivated to be mobile and strong. Some people are extrinsic ally motivated and those are the ones who usually don't make it. If the external reward isn't worth it and they don't have the inner drive, it just ain't gonna happen. Aging can change so many things....things I too will deal with as I age along. I hope all goes well for you, but you aren't responsible for his choices and can't make his decisions for him unless it's to help move him into ALF at some point.
Dawners, so your Dad just might need a break for awhile. But don't have him take too much time off. My Dad was lazy about doing exercises unless the physical therapist was a cute gal, then he was enthused :) But between visits my Mom couldn't get him to practice. Yet my Mom was doing exercises she was shown by a PT 20 years prior and was still doing them faithfully every day. Each of us is different.
I CAN'T TELL ALL OF YOU HOW GLAD I AM TO HAVE PEOPLE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS...my husband is so tired of hearing me :)
I'll also add that it took all I had to push myself to PT when I had two frozen shoulders and I was in my 40's! It was painful! lol I can't imagine enduring long term PT in my 80's! He's done pretty well.
I hope they offer some helpful suggestions when you meet.
The problem is that he doesn't seem to be realistic or even considerate about what to expect from his family. You might have to be a bit harsh, discuss the situation with your mother, and draw up a list of what can and can't be done in the home by either of you. And stick to it so he realizes that unless he continues to improve, he can't expect either you or your mother to compensate.
I don't intend this to be a cruel or punitive measure, but you're right that neither of you can be expected to compromise your own health if your father is not cooperating.
I am adamantly in support of in-home PT and OT, which to me is just as valuable in its own way as therapy in a facility because the home is where the real world is - it's where he'll eat and sleep, and he needs to be able to adapt to it.
The other suggestion that might work is a "come to reality" lecture by his doctor, advising your father specifically that if he deteriorates, loses strength and mobility, he might eventually find himself back in a facility on a long term basis. I don't believe in scaring people, but sometimes it's necessary to get through to someone who is intent on making less than wise decisions.
When your dad says, "It's not doing any good" remind him that he's not in a nursing home, he's at home and he's at home because of the progress he's made in physical and occupational therapy.
If it makes you feel any better your dad's attitude is not uncommon. I'm in healthcare and I've worked in rehab and I've seen many, many elderly people give up on PT and OT. They tend to decline without it. I also saw an elderly lady in her 90's religiously do her PT and OT exercises everyday. It took her the entire morning to do them but she did them and the last I saw her she was still living alone and doing well. I think the fact that she had a daily task to do everyday was almost as important as the exercises themselves.