Father has been given 1- 1 & 1/2 years to live. I wonder if anyone can recommend books to help a family learn to communicate with the dying father. This man has been handicapped with severe osteoporosis for many years from walker to wheelchair to hospital bed now. He is totally alert and bright but collapsing internally from osteoporosis and aware his time is limited. Many many medicines have been used over the years and many different surgeries performed but now his many excellent doctors can do no more than make him comfortable. My question really is how does one talk with the dying? You can’t talk about dying all the time, or maybe even the future. What helps? Talking about TV shows, politics, the past?
Good luck!
The difference is we have not had a doctor say you have XX amount of time.
Should a date matter?
The answer should be no.
Talk to him as you have always talked to him. If you have not been close now is the time to mend fences if they need to be. Talk about things you want to do, what he wants to do. Do them if you can.
Yes talk about Last Wishes, what he wants done as far as treatment if he wants anything done. Ask if he wants Hospice now or later. (he would qualify at this point I would imagine)
After that conversation talk about baseball, travel, play card games. Learn from him. Start getting family history down who were his parents, grandparents, where did they come from how and why? Read books or listen to books on tape.
OH, if his bed is in a bedroom and it is out of the way..move his bed to a room where there is more activity if he wants it moved. Still feeling like you are part of the family is important. Yes you will have a bed in the dining room,. living room or wherever but he is still family.
Oh another thing...don't talk politics
People got upset that I gave her a hard time and joked with her but, she loved it and thanked me many times for just treating her like her.
Rejoice that you have so much time to continue to share with him. Don't waste energy on the future, none of us knows if we will be here tomorrow, so embrace today and just love him and treat him like you always have. (Assuming that you have a good relationship. ) if you don't, now is the time to make things right, offer and ask for forgiveness and let bye gones be bye gone.
Oh and enjoy some good food together with dessert first.
We spoke about the things we normally talked about.
Sometimes we didn’t speak. He was content with me just sitting beside him.
The will to live is very strong but I have found when people begin to suffer due to their health issues they grow very tired and look forward to the end of life.
Believing firmly in a life after this one, we were able to talk frankly about life, what we'd been through, what we still had, and there was no frivolity (other than RoadRunner cartoons, which he LOVED).
One thing that meant A LOT to me was the 'closure' I received from daddy as I was finally able to talk with him about the years and years of abuse my OB inflicted on me. Daddy cried and felt so bad--but he KNEW and belived me (Something mother has never done) and I needed that, from one of my parents. Daddy apologized for not protecting me--but really? what could he have done? I never talked about it until I was in my 30's.
I didn't need to console dad. He knew where he was going and who was waiting for him. And frankly, dying of Parkinson's is a horrible way to go. He was so grateful to be going home.