We feel trapped with no help. My FIL does chip in on the bills, but we are now both suffering our own health issues and want to sell our home, abd finally start living our life on our own. We raised our four kids, and he is such an unappreciateive, cranky, braggart, shut in, who doesn't get that we wish to enjoy life, instead of sitting home with him day after day! Something has to change, we need to save our marriage, and move him out, please advise?
Carol
We got nurses aids to come in and help my dad (who had lived with us for 7 years at that point), and since they came three days per week, it gave me (who worked from home) some ability to get out and do errands, etc. -- and eased my anxiety about having to stay home with dad all the time. Don't be mean to him, or treat him in any way that you yourself wouldn't want to be treated. He's still your dad, and you owe him respect and dignified treatment. People at his stage -- my dad included -- are not really themselves anymore. Dementia and other maladies change their typical personality and logical ways of dealing with people. Be patient, loving and respectful of him.
Finally, after we kids had all grown and moved away, Mom and Dad decided enough was enough. They sold the house and after the police got him out of the house, mom and dad did help him move into an apartment within walking distance to a grocery store (he didn't drive anymore) and a hospital so he could check himself in if he had any problems (he had COPD).
He fought them through the whole thing, but finally settled in and ended up liking it in the end. He live 5 more years there, then checked himself into the hospital one night and died of emphysema.
I suggest to get him in AL when you are able and let him be cranky and unappreciative there and not in your home. You and your husband deserve time to yourself. Someone told me once that we only owe our parents respect and I have learned that is so true. Respect him in another place. Good luck and best wishes.
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