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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My father is verbally abusive And likes to push me to a breaking point. I don't know what to do. He lives With my family and I and it's exauhsting but I feel so guilty when I yell or get mad. I'm having bad panic attacks and I feel hopeless.
The fact that you are the only one willing to take care of him makes me suspect that he has been abusive all his life, and has burned many bridges behind him.
WHY are you willing to take care of someone who is abusive? Sure, see to it that he has good care, that seems a reasonable way to discharge any duty you may have toward him. But why do you think you have to do this in your home and to your own detriment? Why does his need for care take precedent over your needs? And the needs of your family?
Dr. Pauline Boss, a psychotherapist, has this to say about taking care of abusive family members: "Taking care of someone who years before was abusive or neglectful of you is beyond what is expected of you. Caring for a family member who was or is physically or psychologically abusive is dangerous. ... ... I encourage some kind of continued management -- often through a social worker -- to make sure that the caregiving team or the nursing home professionals are treating your family member well. This may be the best you can do given your history together."
Give up the yelling and getting mad. That only makes you feel worse. Also give up the hands-on care of this abusive person. Let professionals do it. You just be his advocate, and visit him sometimes, as a loving daughter and not as his caregiver. Then if starts being abusive you can simply leave.
(If I am wrong and he has not been like this for a long time, if it may be due to brain damage such as dementia, my advice would be slightly different, first seeking some medical help. But in any case, living with abuse should not be tolerated.)
My mother has turned into a nasty piggy dirty talking , hitting woman , and she was always nice ..ughhhh I don't know how to handle it myself ...I get so embarrassed by her piggy mouth and behavior..I hope we get some good advice
I am in the same boat with you. My father is verbally abusive and it's not the dementia. He has been like this his whole life. I realized that he does it to get a reaction. It took me years to figure this out but if I do not react to him he backs off. He is doing it to make you upset and misery loves company. He wants you to be as miserable as him. On another note, does he have dementia? Do you have access to his doctor to discuss this behavior? He might need an evaluation and then perhaps some medication. Be strong. It is not your fault.
When you say you're the only one who is willing to care for him, do you mean you're the only family member? Because that's why facilities were invented.
It's bad enough that he is verbally abusive to you, but what about the impact this must be having on your family, too? It isn't fair that they have to deal with this conflict, or that the mother of the household is so stressed out that she's having panic attacks.
At least find out what other care options are available for him.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
WHY are you willing to take care of someone who is abusive? Sure, see to it that he has good care, that seems a reasonable way to discharge any duty you may have toward him. But why do you think you have to do this in your home and to your own detriment? Why does his need for care take precedent over your needs? And the needs of your family?
Dr. Pauline Boss, a psychotherapist, has this to say about taking care of abusive family members:
"Taking care of someone who years before was abusive or neglectful of you is beyond what is expected of you. Caring for a family member who was or is physically or psychologically abusive is dangerous. ...
... I encourage some kind of continued management -- often through a social worker -- to make sure that the caregiving team or the nursing home professionals are treating your family member well. This may be the best you can do given your history together."
Give up the yelling and getting mad. That only makes you feel worse. Also give up the hands-on care of this abusive person. Let professionals do it. You just be his advocate, and visit him sometimes, as a loving daughter and not as his caregiver. Then if starts being abusive you can simply leave.
(If I am wrong and he has not been like this for a long time, if it may be due to brain damage such as dementia, my advice would be slightly different, first seeking some medical help. But in any case, living with abuse should not be tolerated.)
On another note, does he have dementia? Do you have access to his doctor to discuss this behavior? He might need an evaluation and then perhaps some medication. Be strong. It is not your fault.
It's bad enough that he is verbally abusive to you, but what about the impact this must be having on your family, too? It isn't fair that they have to deal with this conflict, or that the mother of the household is so stressed out that she's having panic attacks.
At least find out what other care options are available for him.