This happened after my mother was diagnosed with Rapid Progressive Dementia. Someone has to stay with him right now and even now he is crying constantly, even with medication. I am almost thinking he needs to go to assisted living at the same facility my mom is at. I know it is hard but he can't even keep it together in front of mom. I am unable to keep 24X7 care for him myself as he lives 1.5 hours away. My brother is with him now but will need to go back home soon (5 states away). Long term I want my mom and dad both near me but short term I need a solution. Will rehab facility take my dad for his emotional breakdown?
I am glad that he is getting psychiatric care. Seeing a therapist might do him some good also. The combination of meds and talk therapy work very well together!
Your dad sounds like he still needs lots of care. I'd keep his doctor in the loop. I'd discuss the treatment and living options with his doctor, since he still seems so fragile. I'm not sure how you expect your dad to help your mom when he is so ill himself right now. I don't know him, but keep in mind that being around a person with dementia is very stressful. They don't know how much they are repeating, questioning, begging and demanding. They may forget what happened 5 minutes ago, so it's often constant repeating. This can be very difficult. I'm not sure how your dad would handle that. It's tough on people who don't have mental health issues. You know him well. I'd discuss it with the family and doctor and see what sounds reasonable.
He may want to be near his wife, but with such a fragile state of mind, I'd be concerned with his stability. If mom is progressing quickly, it might be a lot for him to see her everyday and what if she clings to him. Patients with dementia can be unpredictable and agitated. How would your dad react to this? That might be a lot of pressure. I'd ask for advice from the doctors about where he might gain the most in his recovery. It sounds like he may still be shock.
I can't answer your specific questions as I don't have insight into these issues, but I'm wondering if you mother is appropriately living in an AL facility given the RPD diagnosis. If this is the primary cause of your father's intense destabilization, perhaps it would be better if the two of them are together; he could at least feel as if he's caring for her then.
If the medication isn't working, see a geriatric psychiatrist and raise the issue of a different med.
I hope others have more insight than I do. This must be a heartbreaking situation for you.