I cared for mom in my home for 3 years. Her incontinence and her resistance to allowing us to toilet and bathe her made it very difficult to care for her. We moved her to a wonderful memory care. However now they are eating alone in their rooms due to the lockdown. I’m worried she will get depressed from being alone so many hours in the day. I’m worried she will decline or get infected. We have been FaceTimeing and window visiting but 2 days a week they are short staffed so those 2 days I sit home and worry! They can’t accommodate those options on those days. I have children so I do need to care for them and I don’t want anyone getting sick. Is anyone considering this? I got a 3 week respite but I’m concerned it will be too much when I bring her home. However, I’m home from work so at least we could be together.
signed,
worried
The last time I spoke to Mama (one week ago today), she was extremely irritable and complained about everything, ending up with a statement of, "Oh, and if you have any guilty feelings about putting me here, you deserve them." (Thanks, Ma.) I'm afraid she'll go from aggravated to depressed, if she hasn't already.
Our problem is that we can't do any FaceTime or Skype because she's blind. Her old cellphone doesn't work in the facility, and she can't operate it, anyway, so I ordered her a new "geriatric" phone. It should arrive today, and I'll deliver it to her as soon as I can get it charged and configured for her use. The nurses have been very kind with setting up calls on facility phones for us, but I know they have enough to do with just taking care of the patients/residents.
Did I think about bringing her home? Of course. Did I do it? No. Now is not the time to be thinking about that. She is no doubt in the safest possible environment now, and that's for both of us. She is as isolated as possible from contagion, and the back and leg injuries that I sustained while caregiving are just now beginning to heal. Bringing her home would be a pretty dumb move at this point.
We all have to be strong, and pray that our loved ones are getting not only the care they need, but the emotional support they need as well.
At least you can FaceTime and do window visiting. Be grateful for that. It's better than nothing.
And if YOU fall ill, not only have you exposed her, you won't be able to care for her. And you wont be able to re-admit her because she will have been exposed.
Please keep her safe...where she is.
I wouldn’t even consider bringing him home. I talk to him every day at least once on the phone. I want him to be as safe as he can and he needs to stay in the facility. He’s monitored constantly. He’s a triple threat, he’s 70, has underlying health conditions and mostly bedridden.
Keep your mom in her facility. It’s the best place for her.
Please keep in mind that it now seems to be happening is that if a resident should leave the facility for whatever reason - whether for couple of hours for medical appointment or visting others or a post fall run via EMS to the ER - the facility will NOT, again WILL NOT, allow them to return at all, OR, will require a private room quarantine 14/21 days with extra aides hired during quarantine &/or a negative Covid-19 test.
If your moms place should start to follow this, should you take mom home, & if Covid runs 2 cycles (which is what some models are projecting) this could mean late next Spring till some degree of normalcy & only then will places start letting new residents in. Why? Is cause there will be some herd immunity happening worldwide between outbreak 1 (Dec-now) and 2nd outbreak (next winter/spring) plus probably an initial vaccine available next year.
Friend of mine dads recently moved into AL and has a 90 day post surgery appointment next week. He had surgery right at beginning of Jan & done so that he would get this done before the move to AL. His place is “tiered” as has AL, NH & MC. Well..... New rules for the facility are now once in, you’re in with no leaving till all quarantines or risk assessments are lifted for the county. All care coming from the MD medical director of the facility or via TeleMed if your health insurance is making that available. If you leave, basically you are not guaranteed to be able to return. She’s trying to get it done via telemed but if that falls thru, there will be no post surgery follow up done. It is not feasible to have him move in with family, so they are attempting to make it all work.
Where we are, it’s a hot zone. & there have been 2 large facility outbreaks and several deaths. Both have been tied to transmission from IL/AL section as often the residents still have cars and were still going out & about till just recently. I’m sure this is driving having these restrictions in our area.
Imho the death toll is going to be staggering in the US. For the facilities, if they don’t hunker down & bunker down now, they don’t stand a chance to get thru this both for residents and staff.
He had been living alone. In memory care, he has no concerns about getting food, preparing it or being unable to get health care when needed. He is much better off where he is than living in the community right now, in my opinion.
SO——-I asked the wonderful caregiver to tell her that DH and I were taking a short vacation to Ohio to see her two other nieces.
She always, ALWAYS loved it if WE went on vacation, with her or without her, and loved it when my cousins came to US for vacation, so I’m hoping that something about this idea will latch with her.
I will now call every couple days, continue to mention family names and familiar places, and hope that doing this will give her comfort.
There have been numerous Covid 19 deaths in local residential care facilities in the last week. I continue to be grateful that she is safe and secure WHERE SHE IS, and content with the fact that the NO VISITORS rule is being applied fairly and consistently.
Do you mind telling me your State? Just curious as we live in Upstate NY (4 hrs N of NYC) The Rehab/LTC NH where Mom is a Rehab patient for a fractured ankle won't allow window visiting much to my dismay. It seems like the whole country is doing thru the glass visits but here they are telling me it's too much of a risk....the area is fenced in...it will disturb other residents...pretty much any lame excuse that I might accept!
I even called Senator Sewards office to no avail and now I see he and his wife have mild cases of C19.
Face Time reduced her to tears as she is deaf. Consequently I am campaigning to get her discharged to home possibly this wk end, Unlike your Mother she is in Rehab destined to come home eventually anyhow. And she is paying out of pocket..another story!
So as others have said be grateful for your window visits and phone calls and Face Time. With or without C19 this would be a difficult adjustment period for both of you. Stay strong...you worked hard to get here there....I know you miss her and that has overshadowed the difficulties of caring for her at home right now. Just think how difficult it will be when you go back to work.
Give it more time ...you will both adjust to the new normal. Te best to you both.
My mom is in independent living but really should be in the memory unit at this point. They allow her to stay there because I have 24/7 aides with her. She never goes out of the apartment, hasn't gone out in years except to be rolled around the property in the wheel chair. Not anymore - they are in lock-down, only the aides and the staff go in and out.
So far, one man on mom's floor died from Covid 19, and one of the chefs died from it. There are currently 6 residents in her building that tested positive. I am terrified.
I too have been thinking about bringing her here, with an aide.
I am leaning against it - it would be very upsetting for her to make the move and be in a new place. She doesn't know my house, I just moved here a year ago. She's been here once but she was already deep in dementia and would not remember. Also if she or the aide have the virus, they would bring into my house.
We Skyped last night but she could not figure out what she was looking at. We'll try again tonight.
Please leave your mom there. There are underlying issues she may develop and you might not even become aware that's it's happening at home. Doctors appointments are being discouraged these days for the elderly and at least at the facility they have doctors on site. If for some reason she ends up getting infected, that is the best place to help her. They have oxygen and access to testing and all of the medications she would need. We all may become infected and not know it just by going out to get groceries. We do not have PPE in our homes to keep our loved ones safe. These are my worries as well. Of course at some point my mom will have to come home and I'm worried when that time comes.
The longer she is there, the bigger the chance for exposure. So it's kind of a do it now before there's an outbreak at the facility or see how it plays out. Either way there is a risk when you bring her home because she has been around people that you and your family have not.
Tough decision for you, but I think if you are serious about trying at home again, do it now before a case shows up in the facility and before the decline in memory is worse.
This seems to look at the whole issue from both sides.
https://www.startribune.com/should-you-bring-mom-or-dad-home-from-assisted-living-during-pandemic/569284382/
As for keeping her in her room, I find that odd. The place my mother is at has IL/AL/MC. IL and AL must stay in their rooms and have meals delivered or prepare their own. I think they can go outside the bldg, just not off the premises or they don't come back in!
However, the weekly or more often notice via email specified that the MC residents will continue to eat meals together and have freedom of movement in the MC section only - no forays outside the section! They felt it was in their best interest, as you can't explain the issue to many of them.
If you have options for maintaining contact, use them. Our mother doesn't have a phone of any kind (between dementia and hearing it wouldn't be of use.) She never learned to use a computer, so all those apps are of no use. Window visiting isn't possible as her windows face a garden area circled by the building itself. About the only thing we might be able to do is deliver goodies and/or cards/letters to the main door.
And don't forget that first responders need proper equipment as well. Police and fireman are already becoming infected.
My niece is a front line ER Nurse who's now making her own facial and hair masks, and for others with whom she works, BECAUSE of the shortage of equipment.
I'm curious, where did you get the information that CNAs would be properly outfitted? It's definitely wrong. Watch MSNBC or CNN and listen to what the medical people are saying: they NEED proper equipment, and they need it NOW!
Nursing homes are a very, very dangerous place right now. I don't want to scare you or worry you more than you are, but the number of fatalities we are experiencing in Italy in homes are mindblowing. Even if you isolate her for 2/3 weeks in a room at your place she'll know you are near, it will be different. Find the safest protocol for isolation, even if you have to leave food out of the door.
Just my opinion of course. Sending you a hug.