I cared for mom in my home for 3 years. Her incontinence and her resistance to allowing us to toilet and bathe her made it very difficult to care for her. We moved her to a wonderful memory care. However now they are eating alone in their rooms due to the lockdown. I’m worried she will get depressed from being alone so many hours in the day. I’m worried she will decline or get infected. We have been FaceTimeing and window visiting but 2 days a week they are short staffed so those 2 days I sit home and worry! They can’t accommodate those options on those days. I have children so I do need to care for them and I don’t want anyone getting sick. Is anyone considering this? I got a 3 week respite but I’m concerned it will be too much when I bring her home. However, I’m home from work so at least we could be together.
signed,
worried
I had told my husband I have to stop looking and getting turned down by all these places at least sis will like it here at our house at least for a while.......although I knew it would be really hard on all of us.... the next day after I bought some home gear-the light bulb finally went off in my head I cant go through with bringing sis home glad I had not made any promises to sis that I would bring her here.
I called a couple more facilities and a few weeks later we got in one. Probably best in the end-due to corona, and my family still out in the working world could have caught and or passed the virus to sis would have been very very bad. I am okay with not bringing sis here it is tough enough not going out except for necessities-way more staff in the facility able to provide more kinds of care for sis when ever she needs it-. after all the looking I did it became obvious that no one place is going to be perfect all the time-nearly every place I visited had family or worker complaints about poor level of care or low staff available at holiday time etc. is not what you want but does happen. The places with no worker or family complaints are impossible to get into unless you have a very large bag of cash.
I don’t have an answer but I do feel your pain. I am in the same predicament. My mom has one more week to go in nursing home rehab. My mom is 85 as has stage 5 chronic kidney disease so I do understand.
A representative from the nursing home called me yesterday just to reassure me about her care and to let me know, no coronavirus there yet. My mom says that they sit at the door of their room and play bingo. They can also sit at their door and socialize. My mom actually said she loved the fact that she was getting good baths from their nursing staff.
My mom is proud as well, she will not allow me to help her bath.
I hope this gives you a little peace of mind. Hopefully this will be over soon, prayers going up for you and your family.
The AL isolation was very hard on Mom. She experienced lockdown as if in prison. The parallels are real. She never recognized the regular carers she had, never learned even one name. Now, here in my home...still very isolated. She doesn’t remember my partner’s name. Isn’t sure they have met. (after 30 years) So while the hands-on falls more to me, my partner is handling the logistics and behind scene support...with just enough friendly, orienting contact to prevent Mom thinking partner is just hired help, since hired help should be fired, in her book.
still...We saw an opportunity to try this arrangement...which, without the Virus, we probably would not have engineered. The Virus made us do it! It has an uncertain end...but it will end. Seemed to us that however many weeks or months in isolated AL - those weeks/months were going to waste. Stagnant. No progress or refinement of care was going to happen in these circumstances. All the while losing touch with the real family she still has. Bringing her home may represent less waste of time, less frustrated angst.
so, Day 4 is done. i am tired, but hopeful. Job getting short shrift in short term. Anything can happen. We could lose jobs. Someone could get sick. There could be recurring scares and heightened risk for months to come, during which Mom will inevitably decline. We decided to do it anyway, knowing that it might mean Mom never leaving my home again.
i’ll report back.
I bet this is the path of what mixed level (AL, NH, MC) facilities will take if at all possible. Less residents = Having flexibility to move residents up in care or become a single room isolated if they get Covid symptoms. Most run on tight profit margins, I bet they can decrease by 10-15% & still be ok to make payroll and have # of staff required for state & Medicare regs.
if your mom is still pretty competent and cognitive, see if staff can FaceTime or Skype with you all. My mom was in a NH & on hospice her last 18 months and I live out of state. Her 2 Nd hospice group was picked to a big degree as they could & did Skype btw her & me. Perhaps that can happen?
For anyone reading this, if you’re on the new normal of “window visit”, please please remember to take something for staff that is safe to share. Right now stores have individual mini Easter candy & snacks. Those would work & inexpensive! Grocery stores & the Dollar Trees usually have a section for individually wrapped kids birthday party swag bag size of candy or snacks too. Mini packs of carrots or apple slices if u have a way to get them there cold. Your remembering staff now will mean they remember mom & dad later.
I understand folks concern on the “NH Covid outbreaks”. But there’s lots of details missing in media reporting on this, the biggest is that folks lump elder living into being just 1 category. The 2 big outbreaks in my area (New Orleans) have been tied to IL/AL or AL/NH facilities; lots of AL residents still competent and cognitive, they have cars and drive so they until just recently could come & go. Loads of socializing both within & outside.
But for MC or NH/SNF, thats a whole other solar system of residents & things needed & required to be available by state & federal regulations. Equipment, medications, staff capabilities are totally different for NH & MC. Residents in MC are locked ward as they wander and at risk to themselves; SNF residents require skilled care. It’s gonna be hard or impossible for families to do these levels of care at home on their own 24/7. They need to be in MC or NH to have the 24/7 oversight needed. If your mom aspirated, can you intubate her? If she became suddenly SOB (short of breath), do you have a portaO2 with head gear at the ready to mask her up with? If she gets up in the middle of the nite and wanders, do you have your home & yard wired to alert this? It’s stuff like this is why folks have their elder in MC or SNF and can’t just bring them back “home”.
my mom was in IL for a couple of years then went into a NH and then on hospice at the NH. Hospice for 18 l....o....n....g months. In my experience, you cannot compare IL to MC, AL to NH, etc.