I am at my wits end. My mom has been in and out of the hospital, rehabs and staying at my house in between so I could care for her because my 3 sisters would not commit to a schedule this past year. I have a family with two teenagers and a husband. I also work fulltime. My mom finally has recovered to come home from hip surgeries, cdiff, UTIs, stroke etc. She also has both Covid vaccinations but is considered high fall risk as her bones are fragile and frail. She’s pretty independent with dressing and toileting. However she can’t bathe herself or keep up with hygiene. She can’t take out trash, do laundry or do much around her apt. She can’t go outside either as she’s too frail. She is not showing much motivation to cook. Her doctor arranged two aides to come in, one in am and one in pm, to help with light cleaning, bathing, trash, heating up meals I’ve prepared and anything else that may prevent a fall risk. My mom has been rude to the aides. Refuses to have them help her and just sits there. I’m so mad. My sisters don’t help, it’s just me.
I handle her bills, banking, medical papers, SSI papers, every piece of paperwork. I’m her contact person (proxy) so doctors call me and I arrange appts, transportation etc. I can’t do it all. I’m so upset my mom can’t see this. Her homecoming from 3 months away has been awful. I dropped meals off last week, cleaned house, set up medication delivery, and did her laundry but have since stayed away. I’m too upset. I can’t handle that I am treated lower than the 3 sisters who don’t call, come see her or help. I’m actively looking for assisted living because she really can’t live alone without a lot of help and she’s isolated and I just can’t keep running to my mom's house everyday. It’s been a week and I’m waiting to see what happens. I want her to see who actually helps. So far nobody has been at her house. I have no idea if this is a wake up call to her or not but I’m tired of being used and taken advantage of while my sisters all drink and live totally dysfunctional lives and lie and make up excuses. Any advice appreciated.
Well, that was good news! Hopefully she won't change her mind, but you've already had the "talk", so just repeat it if you need to!
Also good to acknowledge her care for the others, even if they don't help or don't call or visit, etc. I would not really discuss them with her, at least not what they do and don't do.
"Siblings keep criticizing me. However they offer no other suggestions."
If they aren't part of the solution, they are part of the problem. Clearly they are NOT part of the solution. I wouldn't take calls from them. If they email or text, don't bother responding. Archive their nasty messages, just in case you ever have to take further steps to stop them. They have their opinions and criticisms, just ignore. You can't change them. If the calls continue, block their numbers. If that leads to nastier emails or texts, you can block those as well.
Once she is safely in the AL, you can be her daughter again ( with a few duties on the side) and visit. You won't be doing all that other stuff so you will have time to visit (and some time for yourself, the kids, hubby.) If mom balks about the AL, use this as another incentive - she missed seeing you, but if she's in AL, you won't be running around doing errands, you can come and have NICE visits together!
Hoping it all works out!