My mom gets "Mom's meals" and tolerates them. When I try to pick out hot meals for her she always has complaints. Too hot, too cold, not Italian enough, no green peppers, has "name the food" and I don't like that.
The criticism is making me so frustrated, yet she keeps asking me to "find something" she will eat.
Your Mom is 94 and... "I am sole caregiver for my Mother. We have had issues all our lives and now I have to put up with her *&* again. Left home at 18 to get away and now I'm back and cannot escape."
As we age, the taste receptors in our tongues stop functioning. The last to go are the ones that sense sweetness, which is why seniors are so fond of desserts.
As the only child of my single Italian-American Mother (and world champ Food Critizer) I get what you're saying. Last year my 100-yr old Aunt passed after having dementia for 12+ years. For several years before her death, she ate the same breakfast and lunch every single day (coffee and a corn muffin for breakfast, then Campbell's Chicken and Rice soup for lunch). Dinner was a toss-up and often didn't go well. My point being that maybe nothing will make her happy since she can't taste much anymore so you may have to un-invest in making her happy through food. The only solution is for you to tell here she has 2 choices for this meal: the one that was ordered or the "back-up" cheese sandwich (or pbj) and then walk away when she complains. She'll probably eat it when she gets hungry enough.
Finally, you are not obligated to provide her hands-on care. Yes, you CAN escape. There are options, like contacting social services to see if she qualifies for some help (like light housekeeping, hygiene, food prep).
How is her health? Have you talked to her doctor to see if she's a candidate for either LTC or hospice? LTC is covered by Medicaid and hospice is covered by Medicare. You are only being her care slave because you're in the F.O.G. (Fear Obligation and Guilt) and also maybe it's a cultural thing like in my family... You don't have to help her directly.