I'm overwhelmed and feel a real full time job is the answer. Your advice please?
My house really needs to be sorted, ( my house is like poltergeist.. clean one minute,leave for a few minutes and back to the room that was clean...and its all messed up again!). My kids need me as my father and grandfather needs me. My father is getting worse by the day yet the E.R says its just vertigo .. its his heart he says but they refuse to do an angiogram. Yet, I still need a job and has hard as that will be, I feel this is my best option for a respite from all this!
I know I will worry where my son goes all day for care ( I don't have money for a daycare) and who will care for my dad and grandfather..
My grandfather gets mad and says in a upset, mean, sarcastic tone" if you cant handle this just quit tell me". I can handle fixing him breakfast, giving pills and some appointments, cleaning his home too. ( Lunch help would be nice .. maybe dinner too... ) Spending some nights is fine too, but at this point my father is going to need me at night, as I hardly get anytime with my teenager or my dad. Dad refuses hospice ( cant afford caregivers and is on medicare) until he is no longer to walk..but said he will get someone somehow then to help me care for him if needed.. bless him!
My grandfather says I have more then enough time to clean my home, work and everything else! He doesn't realize how much time just one person takes up does he? Also, I am trying to take him to his appts and outings when his twice a week caregiver isn't there so I can have that extra hour or suppose to be three hours when she is there for myself! He gets sooo mad about that and says she can handle the house without him there! Thats not the point! I told him that and he repeats himself about me not being able to handle anything! Plus he always thinks I don't say thank you and appreciate everything he does for us... I DO!!!!
And my grandfather has a new health symptom.. his hands are shaking.. even a little in his sleep but mainly days. He says its just stress and his Dr appt is next month. I dont think so, Im asking the nurse in front of my grandfather!
Well sorry for my very long vent and question if work will give me a boost .. dont want to keep complaining because I do love caring for my family.. I just need some help and I do see this. Im learning from you all that my kids, my father, grandfather in that order ( not everyone at same time as I try) but also me! Past is the past and now its now and the future..
GardenArtist, I can see why you miss it! I would too! Your welcome :)
blannie, I like the schedule idea, I can start that by using my time to shop or look for a job as well as volunteer at my favorite shelter. Your right, I need to balance it all. I will do by best to talk with him and put my foot down.
Thank you all :)
Tell grandpa to quit the verbal abuse or you'll leave him to fend for himself. And then stick to that! When he starts to badmouth you, tell him you're doing what you can and if he's not happy with it, you're leaving. And leave. Every time he starts to criticize you, calmly tell him you're not going to take it and leave. He'll quickly learn that to get you to help him, he needs to stop the trash talk. You do NOT deserve that from him!
If you can't carve out time for yourself, you'll never be able to carve out time for work. I'm afraid until you learn to set boundaries with your loved ones, adding more responsibility in the form of a job will just make you even more overwhelmed. So start setting boundaries and see how that works first. See if you can find any time that you'd devote to work.
Thanks for asking.
I assume you have another source of income or wealth, otherwise, how does a person with small children survive.
Good point about the E.R. but I really thought they would admit him and at least do it the next day. Yes my dad has a regular Cardio Dr and his Angiogram is this month, Im just worried that extra time can prove to be worse for him. He does have Vertigo Problems, and they said his frontal lobe is causing problems. But he says he knows his system ( hes been right every diagnose over the years). I hope your right tho! His blood sugar is under control and I will mention your suggestions to my dad thank you :)
My grandfather says hes not insulting me that I take everything wrong and hes tired of being at fault and being accused of saying things he didnt! But he has ALWAYS been this way according to my dad and Aunt , as well as what I remember growing up.
Thank you for answering :)
I really, really, really miss working. I miss the intellectual challenges and the camaraderie, not to mention the satisfaction of problem solving.
Given what you have to deal with at home though, you could be adding another element to an already full schedule. You might try working a few days a week just to get away, especially from your GF's nagging and insults, but I suspect he has an attitude that considers women should stay at home and take care of the house and men.
Still, regardless of his opinions, you're entitled to satisfaction in your life.
Perhaps you could try getting away just to spend some time by yourself...visit a library, for example.
Re your father, I wouldn't really expect ER to do an angiogram; in my experience they'll EKGs but not the more complicated diagnostic work. Do you have a regular cardiologist who could do a full workup?
Re his vertigo, does he have ENT problems? Sometimes getting the wax cleaned out will help his balance and he won't feel so dizzy. And excess of white sugar in food can also cause it, as can ear infections. Maybe a primary care doctor could help by running a series of tests, then direct you to the appropriate specialist.
And honestly, I think I would set GF straight pretty quickly. There's no need to tolerate his insults.