I have the ability and freedom to do anything, except stop being the full time caregiver of two elderly parents. I can jump in the car and sit on the beach for a couple of hours, but it doesn't help me out of this funky feeling, nor does doing anything else help. I just want to hide under the covers and eat potato chips until I can have my old lifestyle back, without being a Caregiver. The more I don't do what needs to be done, such as paperwork and phone calls, the more I get overwhelmed. I'm scheduled for respite starting middle July, for a month. I don't think my sanity will make it to July.
I have recently been through all of what ya'll are experiencing and have experienced. It left me emotionally and physically exhausted after my Mom passed this April and I only had her with me 13 months altho I kept an eye on her from afar for a year too. My heart goes out to all of you. You want to be there for your parents only to find you are overwhelmed and burned out. Or like me feeling guilty that I didn't do enough altho I've been told to quit punishing myself by best friend, counselor, etc. I think for me it is part of my grieving process as Mom just passed 2 months ago and I'm still feeling the effects. Yes, I have regrets and there were days I didn't want to get out of bed and right now I'm still so behind on paperwork it's scary. But what I've had to do is tell myself daily "Baby steps...1 baby step today, another tomorrow." I also read Jesus Calling every morning to remind myself God and His Son are with me on this Journey. I'm grateful to have family and friends who are helping too. Also if you can get a good counselor to help you go thru the feelings you are having, that helps a lot. I wish you all well and God Bless you and I will keep you all in my prayers......
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MOTIVATION
It's- I saw the above in a Self help book years ago. Everyone waits around hoping to feel motivated and then they could take action and get things done.. But, first you have to take action and THEN you will become motivated. Think about it: when you have to clean your bedroom, after a few minutes of cleaning, THATS when you become motivated. 🙂💕😇
If I could redo any of the past, I would have dismissed my mother's wall of privacy and insisted that she show us exactly what she had in place for herself. We would've been much better prepared.
So sorry you are going through all this. I was in your shoes after my Step Dad passed away and my Mom was "Home Alone" for a couple years. Things started to happen. Burners left on. Vent hood burnt. Water left on. Mailbox stuffed with magazines...everyday. Mom ran off cleaning ladies, Home Health, yard man. In hind sight Sis and I tried to keep Mom at home too long. Falls. Way too many falls with all that drama. Mom ended up in ER then by her choice to Nursing Home for rehab. There she stayed. I still had to "care" for Mom while she was there. Still drama but safer for eveyone! Mom passed away in October and the mental and physical fatigue remain. Please take care of yourself and not push yourself to the point of no return. Even those of us who consider ourselves mentally tough and physically fit would probably confess that we wanted to pull our hair out and stick a fork in our eye on several occasions during our caregiving journey. Dont beat yourself up. Hang in there!
The local AAgency proves a person to help pay bills but they don't manage things AFIK just monitor statements and help write the checks..
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I have been using "Mint" at free program from Intuit. Amazing program and it is FREE, I track every payment and every bill. I created budgets and it sends me alerts for unusual account charges., The site includes advertising: custom tips for reducing fees and saving money.
Took me about a year to categorize and label bills and income. As soon as any charge is made to my CC mint has it immediately. Then I can sort and track every item. I am amazed it is free! I visit Mint every day morning and night.
Someone to do all this boring filing since I am doing all the financial stuff for my Dad. Someone to call where Dad lives and asks various questions that I keep thinking about but never ask... [sigh].
Maybe, it would help to take stock of the options now to see what is available. I wouldn't just keep telling myself that I could do it all, when that is not likely to be feasible, if they continue to decline. Maybe, that would also give you some incentive to look forward to the future and help you from feeling so overwhelmed. There is help available. You just have to accept it. I wish you all the best.
11.02 pm where I live, and the grocery stores are CLOSED........GGGGRRRRRR!!!
I will find that flavor and report back to you ASAP,!
Nitey nite, good people, good morning to you in UK,!
M 8 8
or WHAT! HAHA!!! Retired PA for hire..........put it in the classifieds. *just kidding*.
To the one that wants to run away...............want/need a driver? I'm game!
To the one with the potato chip thing, I ATE A WHOLE bag of NEW flavor "Pico de Gallo" Lay's..........oh man, they are hot & spicy, and I am not into salty stuff. I much rather hit the Haggen Daaz Ice Cream, and .................. I'm going to get a bowl, any takers?
M 8 8
I wish I could afford a PA for myself. Would that be cool or what?
The 3-ring binders became a huge help. I bought more. Each one holds a certain subject matter.... one for Medicare... another for Supplement insurance... one for the stock broker statements.... one for the senior living facility... another for credit cards.... another for misc bills A-Z... another for bank statements, etc. Made my life much easier. The binders are different colors... thus all the medical ones are black.... all the stock are navy blue.... the banks are lime green [for money], etc. New binders are easier to deal with then old ones that are hard to open.
I, too, had to gather up all the bank accounts and put them into accounts at one bank only. It was a nightmare because some old accounts had auto payments, and auto deposits, That meant I had to create on-line accounts to make changes. Now all the bills/statements come directly to my house.
May I ask why some of the houses are sitting empty? Is that to use for tax loses? Or are these summer/winter homes for your parents? Does the homeowner insurance know about this? Some insurance carriers will not renew the homeowner's insurance if the house is empty as it is now high risk. And if something happens to the empty house, and the insurance agents notices the house had been sitting empty for some time, they might not pay out. Oops.