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I used to be this way, too, and people took advantage of me. I was miserable until I set realistic boundaries and stuck to them. I have cared for my two aunts, who have since passed, and currently my mother, who is very demanding. She has learned to adjust to what I can realistically do, and I am ready for anything if she pushes the boundaries with manipulation, guilt, whatever. You and your family comes first, and you have to take care of yourself, too.
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I realize that I put a lot of the guilt on myself. It's just my personality. She will have to pay for her care, we are not able to. I want to be there for her, but not 24/7. Another thing though, I lost my own mother in 2001. I was not there for her much because she was almost 2000 miles away. I visited her when I was able, but I was devastated by her prognosis of ALS. She declined so rapidly that Everytime I would go see her, her condition had deteriorated so much, I mentally shut down, thinking "This is not my mom!" my mom meant the whole world to me and I selfishly did not want to lose her! But I was NOT there for her and feel guilt over that, which I think makes me "overdo" for my MIL. Everyone says that I am doing too much, but I can't help it.
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No one can take advantage of you with out your cooperation. Decide what you are willing to do for your MIL and what you will NOT do. It sounds like managing her finances is taking your time and energy - so inform her and her other kids that anything else is up to them or MIL can hire someone. Also, you should not be using any of your money for managing MIL affairs - she needs to pay for her care, etc. Of course the others feel happy they don't have to deal with her affairs - it is making you stressed out.
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