I'm sure most of you will probably say yes to that question, but I need to hear some feedback.
I care for my adult son who is developmentally disabled and needs round the clock care and supervision. I can handle that. I would do anything for my son. Ten months ago my mom had to move in after she fell and pinched a nerve in her back. She has Parkinson's disease. She is almost 82 years old and is now bedridden since the fall. That's why she is here now. And her pets moved in too. Now I care for my mother and son and our combined pets...six cats and two dogs. I feel insane most days.
My mom is not endearing. She was not a good mom to us...very self centered and narcissistic...and I have found that my sense of humor and caring nature has turned into anger and resentment. I try so hard every day to adjust my attitude towards her. I don't yell, I just feel grumpy all of the time. I never get to finish being asleep because she wakes me up to go to the bathroom. She has a bedside commode I have to transfer her onto...seven to ten times a day. She is 165 pounds, so my body gets tired too. Anyway, blah blah blah. It's a lot of work.
She recently got approved for Medicaid and we will be getting 168 hours a month of in home care. Right now I am doing it alone. So the help will be welcome.
When I get tired and over stressed my anxiety starts to surface. I have panic attacks, etc.. So that hasn't helped. And I am bit depressed as well. Yes, I talk to a therapist. That helps. As I write this I feel like I must sound like a mess! I feel like a mess!
I just feel so tired all of the time. I know it's probably normal to feel that way given the situation, but I don't like it. I guess I am just looking to hear that others have felt this way too.
Thanks for your help.
First get those animals out of the home. Expensive and time consuming. Call the ASPCA and get those pets a new home.
Then possibly you can get a decent caretaker for your mom while you continue to care for your son.
I wanted to fall asleep just reading your post it made me so exhausted. You are trying to do the impossible.
Get the animals out of the home first off. Is their welfare Mir important than yours and your child's???
They can easily be relocated. That is far too much if a burden for you, unless you send your mother to a nursing home, in which case the animals might be doable with your son -maybe. How many others besides yourself do you think you can care for???!
You are not a machine. Sounds like you have WAY too much on your plate.
You first, then your son.
Get rid of the pets or your mom. That is much too much for even a very going person getting a good salary. Don't kid yourself. You do not have sleep apnea. Your are exhausted from too much responsibility and lack of rest.
Take care if yourself and your child!
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Kidnumber2, I will never get rid of the pets! My mother and son would be devastated. As would I. Yes, they are a lot of work, but i will not just re-home pets we have had for ten and fifteen years because life got more complicated! Their welfare is important to all of the humans in this house. I didn't take the pets in because it was a convenient time in my life to do so. When I took in these pets over the years I accepted responsibility for them and give them a good quality of life. That's how we are in my family. Pets aren't just animals. They are part of the family. So, no, getting rid of pets is not an option.
And I am not kidding myself. I know my fatigue is from being too busy. But I just have to work on how to make it more doable. Implement solutions that will take some of the responsibility of me. Getting a caregiver in five hours a day will be a good start.
Life is hard for a lot of people. We do the best we can with what we've got
You are tired all the time because you have too much on your plate and not enough help.
You are doing the right thing by getting help.
There was a time in life I put all my needs aside to take care of others. I realized they would be fine and I would be destitute or dead.
It seems evident that you are tired because you are spread too thin.
Will your son, mother and pets be more well off if you end up in the hospital?
Take care of yourself and good luck.
Thanks for your question. Reading the replies have provided healing for me in a way. I used to feel quilty (sort of) because I was sleeping so much. Any extra time I can find I dash to my bed and sleep.
I care for my 78yo mother who has dementia and end stage kidney failure. God has been good to her; healing her of diabetes, high cholesterol and weight gain. Now the stubborn illness seems to be high blood pressure and 10% kidney functionality.
For sanity, I turned her bedroom into her living quarters. I serve her meals there, she watches DVDs (cancelled cable tv because commercials mostly of food she can't have), enjoys cds, hospital bed, bathroom, pictures of family, stationary bike (which she hardly will use) basically everything she could need or want. Because of dementia, i have to block the hallway making it difficult for her to leave the room with her walker. She has gone outside alone and fallen on sidewalk, scraps but nothing broken thank God! She has tried to leave 1am saying she is going home. I came to realize it is part of the illness.
To bring happiness to me while i care for her 24/7, I acquired 7 parakeets and 53 fish. Lol, the birds stay in the living room and are not caged. The fish(48) in a 55 gallon aquarium and 5 in a 10 gal tank. It is extra work, but it gives me an out. It helps me to be mo re patient and tolerant as a caregiver. I have 9 siblings, yet not one care to be involved in her care. I have always wanted to be an only child. Being a caregiver turned that into reality.
I don't see this whole scenario going on indefinitely, actually. Too much stress, too little sleep.
If you are perfectly healthy, as your doctor confirms, I would be curious as to why you are always sleepy and tired all the time. I suppose that it may mean that you are tired and not getting enough sleep. Eventually, that will catch up with you. Of course, if the demands continue that overextend you, it's up to you.
Do you have a backup plan for the home if you were to become ill and be hospitalized? If the ones who would help then, could help now, perhaps you could get some relief.
Honestly, this person needs to take stock of the situation. Go visit an M.D.
I have a young friend. she is beautiful, educated, caring and has an excellent job and nice home. She took care of Mom, Dad, son and brother (no pets). She has many siblings and cousins. None of them pitched in until at age 42 she had a mild stroke. She ended up hospitalized and took a leave of absence from her job. Lucky for her the job was still there when she recovered.
She told me "I took the S off my chest. I am not superwoman".
Sadly Dad has since passed away, but mother is now taking better care of herself and letting her daughter live in peace. The girl almost dropped dead taking care of everyone else.
See what I am driving at? Why is the poster claiming they are so tired?
It seems obvious they have taken more responsibility than their body can handle.
Second, I do not have sleep apnea. What I do have is a mother who wakes me up to use the bedside commode. (The pets do NOT keep me awake.) She is not incontinent. And, Medicaid has assured me that the caregiver can handle the transfer to the commode. She has a hospital bed. If you raise the bed up very high she is almost in a standing position. She helps get her pants down and you help pivot her onto the toilet. You are not doing a dead lift off the bed.
Third, I feel tired when I don't get enough sleep. There is a lot of stress in my day. Fatigue is expected. I don't fall asleep driving or in the shower or doing dishes. I am awake 18-20 hours a day. If i am fortunate and my mom and son fall asleep at the same time, i take a nap. So if i feel really tired some days it's because I AM TIRED.
Fourth. My mother did NOT bring six pets into my house! I already had a small dog and five cats. She has a small dog and a cat. You can continue to debate the pet issue if you like, but it is a non issue to me. I can assure you there is NO hygiene issues with the pets. The cats are indoor cats...they have a large "catio"...a fenced in area with a roof, off of the back door...i leave the back door opened during the day so they can go in and out and lounge around in the sun if they want to, as can the dogs. The dogs also have a fenced in, grassy area, so they can go to the bathroom. The dogs cannot stay outside unattended as we have bears and coyotes that regularly visit. The dog fence is low to the ground. It works for them.
As i said before, we are a family with two legged and four legged members. It actually was cruel to suggest getting rid of pets...especially after i made it clear that they are not the issue and getting rid of them was not going to happen. People here who have four legged family members understand where I am coming from. The cats would LOVE it if i slept more because as soon as I am lying down two or three of them make themselves comfortable on me. And my little, thirteen year old dog is a constant companion. She makes me smile and is calming to me.
I am not here to debate the pet issue. Or for negativity. I came here for support and to hear from others who feel tired from caregiving. Plain and simple.
Lastly, Chris is short for Christine. Just wanted to clear up the gender issue if the mention of mammograms didn't do it.
Again, thanks for your responses. .
Do you have any trouble with motor functioning? I find that my motor learning disability makes me extra tired trying to concentrate and coordinate movements so motor tasks take longer. The brain uses more sugar than the rest of the organs in the body. Do you find you crave simple carbohydrates - bars, chips, bread, pies, candy? If you are alert for the sounds of your mother or son, it's hard to relax enough to go into a restful sleep. I always have one ear out to mom and have to close the window frequently because there is someone revving their engine, racing through the streets and that city hum that doesn't stop. Then I can't sleep because it's airless and too hot. Anger saps you of a lot of energy, too, as well as guilt. So yes, caring for your son and mother is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Welcome to the club!