I questioned my fiancé about the paid aid hours. His answer was the he did not approve the hours she put down. When the aid was present and the same question was asked, his response was totally unexpected. He said he had approved her putting the hours she puts months ago. I was so hurt and upset. I packed as much as I could and I left. Now he wont let me get the rest of my belongings nor will he answer the phone or door so I can get the rest of my things. I know their are certain laws that protect him. I am at such a loss. I am so hurt at his actions. I have been with this man 11 years before his wreck and been sole care provider the past 4 years. Another women not a paid aid has stepped in and tells me the police say I have to go through her to set up time to get the rest of my things and turn over to her everything and all documents I may have pertaining to him. I don't want to go to jail but I be damned if I will concur with her demands. What can I do?
Asking your finance the question about the hours in front of the care aid may have put him on the spot. People who are dependent on others have a difficult time when confronting the very people who they depend upon. I can see how he might have felt he had to say what he did, even if it wasn't the truth. Or perhaps there was a miscommunication. But, whatever it was, it looks like things are much different now. I would get legal advice to see what has transpired and how you could be legally evicted from a place you were staying without notice and proper service.
Is there a restraining order?
Is sounds like a very odd situation.
Do you want to live the rest of your life this way? It will NOT change.
You are not married to him, and your status in the courts is not quite the same as if you were married.
You are trying to get into some sort of power struggle. I know you are invested emotionally, leaving will be a horrible wrench.
you have only a few choices: leave, stay and tolerate it, fight and it will escalate to where he may well boot you out or try and boot you out. It is obvious things will be fabricated and trumped up.
LEAVE.
However, the rest I stand by: after 11 years, he is not a fiance. You are something else which I will not say here. You are trying to get back on track.
You are going to have to cut your losses in my opinion: being unmarried you will not have the same rights as if you had the marriage contract.
but kudos for leaving. You may very well try asking police for help but I am afraid you are on the losing end.
I'm surprised that it blew up like this. There must have been problems before this happened.
I am not asking these questions to upset you, I am asking because it seems your leaving has much more behind it than his not being honest about the hours the aide worked or charged for....
Please take some time to really get in touch with what is going on... if you want to stay gone, then do so , by all means.... I don't know the law on getting your things... I do know you can call for an assist with the police, for them to standby while you get the rest of your things.... don't know who this woman is that you spoke of, but don't allow yourself to be bullied.... call the police and find out what you can do....
I am sorry you took care of this man all this time and it has ended this way.. prayers for you to take care of yourself....
Due to the HIPAA law, you can tell them that you just can't give these documents to just anyone. Insist that they present to you their POA document or any other document notarized that they are acting in behalf of him. I think the police and the medical community would understand why you don't want to release such sensitive documents to just to anyone.
IF the police will be there so that you can retrieve your belongings - remember this - they will ASK the homeowner if you can enter and retrieve your stuff. The homeowner can say No. If he does, then your only recourse is through the small claims court. By then, if I was a spiteful caregiver, I'd make sure your stuff gets 'lost.' At the small claims court, you will need to have proof that you own those things.
Depending on the state it could be a common law marriage.
You may have to agree to return or copy any documents that concern him because that would only be fair. So though the advice from the new woman sounds reasonable, I would not believe second hand knowledge.
Get a lawyer....
Why don't you talk to your local police dept. and ask their advice and support? BTW - this sounds a lot like my ex who had serious alcohol and drug abuse issues that made him impossible to deal with. I LEFT. Never regretted it for a moment - only that it took me so long to do so!
If I were in these circumstances I would have to confront Him and tell Your Fiancé how it is, then distance Yourself a little. If it continues, well it has got to be a straight red card..and walk away.
Lies and cheating are two things We definitely do not tolerate.
Four days later and the OP hasn't returned.
Another thing to consider is that if you happen to be paying for this visiting aid, what you need to do is to immediately stop payment and alert the agency where that aid is coming from. You'll definitely want to speak with the supervisor of that particular agency who provides the care for this person. This would definitely be a smart move even if you're not paying for the aid. Perhaps alerting the aid's supervisor will get the ball rolling. Supervisors have authority over their workers so maybe you can start there. Just tell them your things are still in that person's house and that you need to retrieve them. That aid goes into that house, So you know that aid sees those specific items when they enter that house and start working with that patient that they are assigned to. If you can provide The supervisor with pictures of your specific things you're trying to recover, that would definitely spark attention, especially if you politely mention involving a police officer and a lawyer.
Lostwilltocare has most likely returned to her fiance by now, a common mistake after waiting 11 years to be 'married'. Fiance is a common title used to hide the shame of shacking up. If someone is shacking up, they are not a victim, but there by choice. Therefore, there should not be shame?
Hoping lostwill still cares enough about herself, and is willing to start a new life with someone who can actually walk her down the aisle.
That was just plain snarky and mean, wasn't it? This is one occasion where nice is just not nice, and shock therapy is needed. Would be happy for her just to escape with her life, leaving the belongings behind. Start over. How old are you, and where is your mother?
Come back, get support, ideas, because, you matter!
If your fiancee is just paralyzed but not incompetent, he can talk to you himself, in private.
This situation is ripe for scam artists to come in and take over. If that has happened, all your efforts will be discredited by them. That is why having an attorney help you may be best. Are you even sure you and he broke up?
If this happened to my loved one, even if we were no longer together, I would feel some obligation to be sure those were free, uncoerced choices he made because he is a vulnerable adult. Does he have family? Can you try going to the district attorney to make sure he is okay?