My mother in law lives with me, my fiance, 2 children, and 1 on the way. We have a 3 bedroom 1 bath home and there is not enough room for us all. Also taking care of MIL is really putting stress on our relationship. She is disabled and only income is social security. She refuses to move out or look for a place, we think she needs to be in an assisted living facility. But all the facilities in our area are private funds. We can't afford hundreds a day for her to be in a facility and we can't afford to rent her an apartment of her own. We are at a dead end here.. I don't know what else I can do??
First thing to do, STOP BUYING HER CIGARETTES !! My gosh, they can cost anywhere from $5 to $14 per pack depending on where you live. That is very expensive. If Mom wants smokes then she needs to pay for them herself. If the cigarettes are $14/pack, that is over $5k per year.
I hope she is not smoking in the house, as it has been proven that second hand smoke is harmful especially to children. Even if Mom goes outside to smoke, she comes back in with those harmful chemicals on her clothes, skin, and in her hair. Thus if she sits down on the sofa, or even in the car, those chemicals transfer to the fabric. Every time the kids give her a hug, again the chemicals are transferred to them.
Mom probably will poo poo the second hand smoke stuff, or maybe just not care. Direct her to the American Lung Association website. Of course trying to get her to believe what is written there might be a challenge. Seems like every family had someone who lived to be 90 or 100 who smoked every day, but that was because back then most food was organic thus that elder had a good basis for a start.
When a unit becomes available, you let her son tell her that your home is too small for all of you.
Or do you mean a nursing home? Sounds like your husband's Mom could qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid will pay for all of Mom's care in a nursing home. Call your State Medicaid office.
You mentioned that Mom is disabled.... can she dress herself, feed herself, use the bathroom, etc.? If yes, Medicaid might question if she really needs to go into a nursing home. If no, different story. Sometimes one has to look outside of their immediate area to find a care home for Mom that takes Medicaid.
Up at the top of the page is a blue bar. On the left of the words Aging Care you will see 3 white lines. Click on those lines. Type in your zip code. You should see names of continuing care facilities. If you only see a couple, then type in the zip code of the next nearby town.