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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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It is not easy to do all this alone and if you have friends that offer to help that is great. In my experience the friends who would actually help live out of state, and the friends nearby turn tail and run. I am not sure what they are afraid of. Dropping a casserole or some cookies at your door shouldn't be so scary. You really see who your friends are at times like this. I am also hearing of a lot of sibling fighting going on with people I know dealing with parent caregiving about finances and care giving. I have no siblings to help me, but at the same time I am not experiencing conflict with a sibling like some of my friends are. Many times I wish I had siblings to help. I guess people act differently under pressure and some people just run. For those of you that may have had a rough Christmas...take comfort in that it is about over, you got the work done, and try to remember that tomorrow is a new day.
Heart2heart, I'm sorry you tried to make Christmas special and it was ruined. You sound like you really need a break and you must make caring for yourself a priority. Please read what others have written and try some of those ideas. One thing that's encouraging- is if you can take your mother to church, that means she is able to get out of the house. You can look into a 'senior day program' (a daycare-type program for elders) in your area. Please look into it. Also, you can still start the New Year "right" by lowering your expectations (of making things 'special') and by promising yourself that you're not going to let your mother berate you, for any reason. Everything doesn't have to be special. Good enough is okay. This takes a change in your thinking, which is possible. There's not much you can do to change your mother's thinking, but you CAN stop letting it control you.
It is hard to listen to advice on taking care of yourself, when you are overwhelmed with caring for three others, not counting yourself. One gets so far behind, and sometimes I don't know how to get all the paperwork done as well as to run a house that I didn;t before. Taxes, health care, future nursing or assisted living homes, patience, knowledge, etc. etc. Then I feel my health is going down..cancer, ankle ulcers, c.o.p.d., sleep apnea, worry, worry worry....It sure easn't easy....marymember
This may be an obvious observation, but I noticed that in my running about and taking care of things that I am often not drinking enough water! It is so easy to forget to stay hydrated. If you drink enough water it helps you feel more focused and able to deal with everything. Sometimes if things are rough, stop and have a couple sips of water and take a couple deep breaths to help you feel better!
I have been caring for my mum with dementia for over 12 years now she cant do a thing for herself bit still thinks she can get up and walk so leaving her to even get myself a shower is a challenge i recently lost my dad who i also cared for so this had not been the best of years but i love mum so much i will continue caring for her even though i know im not caring for myself properly
katykaz, I am sorry that you lost your dad this year and that has made this a difficult year. Has your mom's doctor evaluated her overall health and dementia recently? Please tell the doctor that you can't even get yourself a shower without the worry that your mom might get up and walk. Has her dementia reached the point where she needs to go into a nursing home. I'm not a doctor, but with your mother being so frail and it being so dangerous to walk that you are scared to take a shower, I think it is high time that either some outside caregivers are hired or she goes to a nursing home where people can look after her 24/7 in three shifts. Right now, it does not sound like you have any time off.
You need to love yourself as well. Loving your mom as her caregiver involves caring for yourself properly for who is going to care for her if your health would fail? A third of caregivers who go it alone end up dying before the person they are caring for do. Make sure your mom is getting the proper care she needs and this point and don't sacrifice your caring for yourself properly. There is no reward for sacrificing yourself to the point where you become a martyr.
I'm fortunate to have several caregivers who come to the house on weekdays. On the weekends, my brothers I I do all of the care for our Mom. She is completely in bed, sleeps most of the time (even falling asleep while we are feeding her). She isn't talking much but still enjoys eating and having our company- briefly- and we keep her clean and comfortable. We have been through the stages of her being agitated, trying to climb out of bed, etc. If the situation were different, we might be getting her into a nursing home, but at this point it's manageable... We are seeing her decline by the week, then a plateau, then more decline, then another plateau. It is exhausting but somehow we are able to get through it. We absolutely give each other stretches of time "off" and it does make a difference. It's the main thing keeping us going. Plus, we all have a sense of humor.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
One thing that's encouraging- is if you can take your mother to church, that means she is able to get out of the house. You can look into a 'senior day program' (a daycare-type program for elders) in your area. Please look into it.
Also, you can still start the New Year "right" by lowering your expectations (of making things 'special') and by promising yourself that you're not going to let your mother berate you, for any reason. Everything doesn't have to be special. Good enough is okay. This takes a change in your thinking, which is possible. There's not much you can do to change your mother's thinking, but you CAN stop letting it control you.
You need to love yourself as well. Loving your mom as her caregiver involves caring for yourself properly for who is going to care for her if your health would fail? A third of caregivers who go it alone end up dying before the person they are caring for do. Make sure your mom is getting the proper care she needs and this point and don't sacrifice your caring for yourself properly. There is no reward for sacrificing yourself to the point where you become a martyr.