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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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The nursing home told us people will forget how to eat and the only 2 choices are a feeding bag or to let them die as comforatbly as possible. You really need to male him see a doctor that deals with the elderly.
we did that with my Dad too Reba, there is a point at which you just want them to have peace... I know that my Dad is well in heaven. By now he is taking care of all the animals he was a real animal lover!!!
Reba,all the food your husband will eat make it rich in fats, gravy on every thing ,plenty of butter, half in half on cereal, cheese in scrambled eggs, get the idea? and tell family to go tell someone else what to do.the hospice people has a wonderful booklet of symtems people have at the end of life stages, paper pullups helps save the laundry, and remember nothing good, or bad, lasts forever. hugs to you and yours
firstgirl - tried all of that. I use depends and he pulls them down and starts to go on the floor. He has been in them for a year. I give him food but he doesn't want to eat it. I know about all the fats. The disease is the problem and no one can understand that. The brain tells him he is full or that part of the brain doesn't work at all. He doesn't want to eat. Takes a few bites and he doesn't want anymore, shuts his mouth and that is it. It is the brain and has been damaged by the disease. That part of the brain that tells you that you are hungry isn't working anymore. The question was, my family tells me to force him to eat. Well that can't be done. You can't force someone to eat. The feeding tubes are out. Not going to prolong his life in the condition he is already in. The last stages of AD. I have POA No one can tell me to use feeding tubes. That is the way it is stated in the POA. So they are wasting their breath. Sound heartless but he isn't here anymore. The disease has eaten up his brain.
Reba: folks have given you tons of good advice here...but is sounds as if you are so very knowledgable about all the AD issues already and have chosen to keep Dad at home. So back to your orgininal question. Do not force your Dad to eat. Give him nourishment when you can. Make his last days comfortable and tell the family to either back off or welcome him into their homes for a few days to give you respite. I can sense that you are stretched thin....I wish for you better days to come. Lilli
Lilli, he is my husband of 56 years this coming March. The doctor said if I would have put him in a home he wouldn't have lived this long. That tells you something right there. I started to do it twice and couldn't do it to him. All I did was end up crying and I couldn't do it because it would have killed him and it would have been lonely here without him. He is going to be 78 in December. He has had a long life and a good one too. It is time to let him go. Thanks Lilli for your input.
Kitty Hospice is just another name for a home. They are there for people on a short stay or there to help end their life. They help with pain management or breathing is what I was told by a person at Hospice.
Hi Reba We had hospice care for my dad at home. A nurse came twice a week and a cna came twice a week. We could call the team anytime we wanted. They helped us get equipment for him, they provided us information on what he should be eating. They took him off meds that were causing him problems-suppressing appitite. They would provide respice care so that we could rest for 5 days. They had volunteers (which we never used) to help with chores or sit with him etc. I would investigate this further. He does not necessarily have to go anywhere. Hospice might also bring in new faces that he will listen to better. My dad was very polite to the nurse and cna and would do things for them because they were professionals and had authority. For a long time I worried about what he was eating but a you cannot force him to eat (it is against the law) and b Just because he eats does not mean he will retain it anyway. I would say let him eat what he wants and try to add powdered protein to his food. If you stir it in and wait a little while it is undetectable. Maybe find an icecream that he likes, add the protein and refreeze it and he might get the protein. Make sure you talk to his doctor before adding that though. Some illinesses require you to limit their protein intake. Unless the relative who is complaining is in the trenches with you every day-- I would ignore them. Unless you are there day in and day out you have no idea how hard it is to get someone to do anything. Nagging gets him angry at you so that he does not do anything you want. Trickery makes him suspicious and paranoid and he might decide that everything you give him is poison. .
Thanks, But I have all the help I need right now. I have four taking care of him and my son-in-law went to classes for this type of work, taking care of old people. Bathing, feeding what ever it takes.
Everyone who writes to me talk about everything except the family pushing me to make him eat. I don't have any problems other than what I have listed. He is a person with AD all that I have listed is what happens to them. I have been doing this for 6 years. Its the family I am having problems with about him not eating. It is part of the disease I tell them. I worked in a hospital with sick people and I know what I am doing. Nothing is new to me, except it is my husband. He is still walking and I have all the equipment I need. His meds? He has to have yhem, they are for his high blood pressure. He has been taking them for 40 years or more.
If you look up AD it will tell you they come to a time when they stop eating. The only thing left to do is tube feeding and that will not happen. His life is gone and he is just alive in body only. What kind of a life is that. He sees the doctor every two to three mos. There is nothing you can do for him at this stage of AD. My doctor knows everything that is going on with him. I do what he tells me. Thanks for your thoughts.
Reba, You are right. There is not anything to stop the progression of AD but death. You are doing a great job. I agree with Lilli, feed him what he will eat and keep him comfortable. When diagnosed at 71, my mother's wishes were to remain in here home of 48 years. 12 years later she is still there. When the time comes for God to call her home I hope I have the wisdom and strength you are showing during your husband late stage of his journey. You know what your husband would want and your posts show a great understanding of what is to come. God Bless.
DanielRomero, AD can start at an early age. People have lived for 20 or more years with it. Some of the stages are slower in some people. As I look back I saw the warning signs and didn't know what it was. I am running down. The last 6 years has been a real trip and one I don't want to take again. It is about time I put him in a home. Too much for my age and I want my life back. Some may think that is awful but until you have been there I hope they don't judge me too much. He is 78 and I am 74. God bless you too.
reba, go for it, your life back, a careing and comfortable life for your husband. don,t let others delay you. best of luck to you , excited for you just thinking of the courage, and wisdom your showing. i,m 72 and don,t know if i,ll live long enough to see my mom through, shes 91 ,, and at home i,m chief caregiver, .. praying for you
firstgirl, bless you heart you have your hands full too. No one knows what the caregiver goes through. You give you whole life up just to take care of them. My daughter moved in with me to help in June of this year. She has her own problems with mirgraines. Her husband helps too, feeds him and give him his shower. My sister helped some but she is 10 yrs older, going to be 84 in November. But this too shall pass. Take care, Reba
I do think most peple here do understand. I know my dad has just begun to forget how to eat, and refuses to do so. Both my parents have dementia, maybe with alzheimers, the docs really aren't sure about mom. My mom will eat 10 meals a day 'cuz she's so afraid she will forget to eat. My dad won't eat all. My sister and I stay with them at ll times, we split shifts. We are just now talking about nringing hospice in. As for the rest of your family members...to heck with them. I know most of our family members really don't know just how sick my parents are 'cuz they don't spend enough time with them to understand it. I thnak God for my sister, cuz at least she gets it and we can talk about what to do next. We ignore the rest of the family. Unless they want to come on and help, they know squat. Its none of their business.
Heatherj43, If they would look up Alzheimer's they would understand. The brain is damaged. The part that tells him he is hungry doesn't work anymore. He eats a few bites and then stops. One day he will stop eating and that will be it. He is 78 and I will not tube feed him. What would be the point. Thanks for your input and good luck with your parents. I know it is hard. So very hard. God bless you for taking care of them.
Dear Reba, I was a Hospice nurse for ten years and can only support you in everything you are doing. The body knows what it is doing and for the information of others. People do not deliberately starve themselves to death. If you can keep the mouth clean and moist. Dentures should be well fitting, in or out don't make a fight of it. Quality not quantity is most import in the last stage of life. Leave a little snack of a favorite food at the bedside or chairside, something dry and unwrapped so it's easy to reach. As far as bathing and hygiene are concerned no one needs to bathe every day so if your loved one resists get help and force it once a week if that does not cause obvious distress, otherwise sneak it in. For example a back rub can be very relaxing , but before you start that massage a good wash down of that area can be snuck in. To shave or not to shave does it really matter, yes if Santa Clause is rubbing his food in it and you find maggots! The one area that must have regular attention is the genital area which is especially important if there is any incontinence. Never mind the smell it is the rashes, bedsores and infection that need to be prevented. Try and maintain a regular bowel regime with diet and medication and potty train just like a baby.Keep a commode at the bedside. For those who have a senior who messes in inappropriate places, many times it is out of misplaced resentment and the only thing to do to make like easier is to make a room where everything is easily cleaned and sanitized. Just move the good furniture and carpet out for the duration. Those saintly people who provide care in their homes for mentally disabled clients furnish their homes this way so accidents are quickly clean and nothing is ruined. I hope this can help some caregivers and remember if you are doing your best that is always good enough. Kindest thoughts Veronica
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You really need to male him see a doctor that deals with the elderly.
So back to your orgininal question. Do not force your Dad to eat. Give him nourishment when you can. Make his last days comfortable and tell the family to either back off or welcome him into their homes for a few days to give you respite.
I can sense that you are stretched thin....I wish for you better days to come.
Lilli
Everyone who writes to me talk about everything except the family pushing me to make him eat. I don't have any problems other than what I have listed. He is a person with AD all that I have listed is what happens to them. I have been doing this for 6 years. Its the family I am having problems with about him not eating. It is part of the disease I tell them. I worked in a hospital with sick people and I know what I am doing. Nothing is new to me, except it is my husband. He is still walking and I have all the equipment I need. His meds? He has to have yhem, they are for his high blood pressure. He has been taking them for 40 years or more.
If you look up AD it will tell you they come to a time when they stop eating. The only thing left to do is tube feeding and that will not happen. His life is gone and he is just alive in body only. What kind of a life is that. He sees the doctor every two to three mos. There is nothing you can do for him at this stage of AD. My doctor knows everything that is going on with him. I do what he tells me. Thanks for your thoughts.
You are right. There is not anything to stop the progression of AD but death. You are doing a great job. I agree with Lilli, feed him what he will eat and keep him comfortable. When diagnosed at 71, my mother's wishes were to remain in here home of 48 years. 12 years later she is still there. When the time comes for God to call her home I hope I have the wisdom and strength you are showing during your husband late stage of his journey. You know what your husband would want and your posts show a great understanding of what is to come. God Bless.
God bless you too.
Both my parents have dementia, maybe with alzheimers, the docs really aren't sure about mom.
My mom will eat 10 meals a day 'cuz she's so afraid she will forget to eat. My dad won't eat all.
My sister and I stay with them at ll times, we split shifts.
We are just now talking about nringing hospice in. As for the rest of your family members...to heck with them. I know most of our family members really don't know just how sick my parents are 'cuz they don't spend enough time with them to understand it.
I thnak God for my sister, cuz at least she gets it and we can talk about what to do next. We ignore the rest of the family. Unless they want to come on and help, they know squat.
Its none of their business.
I was a Hospice nurse for ten years and can only support you in everything you are doing.
The body knows what it is doing and for the information of others. People do not deliberately starve themselves to death.
If you can keep the mouth clean and moist. Dentures should be well fitting, in or out don't make a fight of it. Quality not quantity is most import in the last stage of life. Leave a little snack of a favorite food at the bedside or chairside, something dry and unwrapped so it's easy to reach.
As far as bathing and hygiene are concerned no one needs to bathe every day so if your loved one resists get help and force it once a week if that does not cause obvious distress, otherwise sneak it in. For example a back rub can be very relaxing , but before you start that massage a good wash down of that area can be snuck in. To shave or not to shave does it really matter, yes if Santa Clause is rubbing his food in it and you find maggots! The one area that must have regular attention is the genital area which is especially important if there is any incontinence. Never mind the smell it is the rashes, bedsores and infection that need to be prevented. Try and maintain a regular bowel regime with diet and medication and potty train just like a baby.Keep a commode at the bedside.
For those who have a senior who messes in inappropriate places, many times it is out of misplaced resentment and the only thing to do to make like easier is to make a room where everything is easily cleaned and sanitized. Just move the good furniture and carpet out for the duration. Those saintly people who provide care in their homes for mentally disabled clients furnish their homes this way so accidents are quickly clean and nothing is ruined.
I hope this can help some caregivers and remember if you are doing your best that is always good enough. Kindest thoughts
Veronica