My twin brother refused to help with Mom's elderly care costs. Do I have any rights to force him to pay half the costs?

I am not an attorney, but I highly doubt you can recoup your financial loss. There was no agreement, verbal or written, from what you shared, that your brother agreed to pay for your Mom's care. Sounds like you took on more than what you could bear, unfortunately, to your financial detriment.

Actually, there was a verbal agreement, he even admitted it, and it's listed above in the "oops, I forgot I was supposed to pay for mom, you can sue me, but I'll be dead before you get it, you're screwed"

I think helping raise kids that are not yours, mortagaging your home, continuing to pay for things for your mom, quitting your job would all be looked at as things you did freely but may now regret when looking at the large financial picture. I think an attorney would bring every one of these things into question and run with them from there just for starters.
If your brother is dying, it will come into question why you are just going after him financially now and not sooner. If he dies and you go after his estate, an attorney will bring up all the above questions as well.
Unless your brother was a power-of attorney in control of your mother's finances and he squandered them, then I do not see how there can be any legal recourse against him. Being a sorry person and legally responsible are two different things. I'm not even certain an attorney would even take this as a case because you were under no legal obligation to take your mom in (and neither was your brother). You took the moral high ground but there was nothing to make you take your mom in legally.
Personally, I would cut my losses, focus on my own children, have all others move out and wash my hands. Good luck.

You are obviously the kind twin. I dont think the courts will provide you relief, but I will pray God rewards your unselfishness

Actually, by living in the state of Tennessee, there are laws on the books requiring children to provide care, both medically and financially, to their aging parents. I did do this because I dearly love my Mom and my niece and two nephews. In truth, 29 states have such laws on the books and they are now beginning to be enforced. See the article I copied and pasted below. Far too many children have no idea this is going to be an additional burden on them when their parents become infirm.



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Requiring Adult Children to Pay for Aging Parents

Did you know you could be responsible for your parents' unpaid bills? Twenty-nine states currently have laws making adult children responsible for their parents if their parents can't afford to take care of themselves. While these laws are rarely enforced, there has been speculation that states may begin dusting them off as a way to save on Medicaid expenses.

These laws, called filial responsibility laws, obligate adult children to provide necessities like food, clothing, housing, and medical attention for their indigent parents. According to the National Center for Policy Analysis, a conservative research organization, 21 states allow a civil court action to obtain financial support or cost recovery, 12 states impose criminal penalties on children who do not support their parents, and three states allow both civil and criminal actions.

Generally, most states do not require children to provide care if they do not have the ability to pay. States vary on what factors they consider when determining whether an adult child has the ability to pay. Children may also not be required to support their parents if the parents abandoned them or did not support them.

The passage of the Deficit Reduction Act of 2005 made it more difficult to qualify for Medicaid, which means there may be more elderly individuals in nursing homes with no ability to pay for care. In response, nursing homes may use the filial responsibility laws as a way to get care paid for.

Here is the list of all states that require children to be responsible for their parents if the parents are unable to provide for themselves:

The New Old Age
By JANE GROSS
States With Filial Responsibility Laws
States with filial responsibility laws are: Alaska, Arkansas,
California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa,
Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana,
Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota,
Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota,
Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.
To look up the actual language of the statutes, here are the
citations:
1. Alaska Stat. 25.20.030, 47.25.230 (Michie 2000)
2. Arkansas Code Ann. 20-47-106 (Michie 1991)
3. California Fam. Code 4400, 4401, 4403, 4410-4414 (West 1994),
California Penal Code 270c (West 1999), California Welf. & Inst.
Code 12350 (West Supp. 2001)
4. Connecticut Gen. Stat. Ann. 46b-215, 53-304 (West Supp. 2001)
5. Delaware Code Ann. tit. 13, 503 (1999)
6. Georgia Code Ann. 36-12-3 (2000)
7. Idaho Code 32-1002 (Michie 1996)
8. Indiana Code Ann. 31-16-17-1 to 31-16-17-7 (West 1997); Indiana
Code Ann. 35-46-1-7 (West 1998)
9. Iowa Code Ann. 252.1, 252.2, 252.5, 252.6, 252.13 (West 2000)
10. Kentucky Rev. Stat. Ann. 530.050 (Banks-Baldwin 1999)
11. Louisiana Rev. Stat. Ann. 4731 (West 1998)
12. Maryland Code Ann., Fam. Law 13-101, 13-102, 13-103, 13-109
(1999)
13. Massachusetts Gen. Laws Ann. ch. 273, 20 (West 1990)
14. Mississippi Code Ann. 43-31-25 (2000)
15. Montana Code Ann. 40-6-214, 40-6-301 (2000)
16. Nevada Rev. Stat. Ann. 428.070 (Michie 2000);
Nev. Rev. Stat. Ann. 439B.310 (Michie 2000)
17. New Hampshire Rev. Stat. Ann. 167:2 (1994)
18. New Jersey Stat. Ann. 44:4-100 to 44:4-102, 44:1-139 to 44:1-
141 (West 1993)
19. North Carolina Gen. Stat. 14-326.1 (1999)
20. North Dakota Cent. Code 14-09-10 (1997)
21. Ohio Rev. Code Ann. 2919.21 (Anderson 1999)
22. Oregon Rev. Stat. 109.010 (1990)
23. 62 Pennsylvania Cons. Stat. 1973 (1996)
24. Rhode Island Gen. Laws 15-10-1 to 15-10-7 (2000); R.I. Gen.
Laws 40-5-13 to 40-5-18 (1997)
25. South Dakota Codified Laws 25-7-28 (Michie 1999)
26. Tennessee Code Ann. 71-5-115 (1995), Tenn. Code Ann. 71-5-
103 (Supp. 2000)27. Utah Code Ann. 17-14-2 (1999)
28. Vermont Stat. Ann. tit. 15, 202-03 (1989)
29. Virginia Code Ann. 20-88 (Michie 2000)
30. West Virginia Code 9-5-9 (1998).
State laws vary. however, law student Shannon Edelstone, in her
award-winning essay (cited below), studied all of the state laws and
found that most agree that children have a duty to provide
necessities for parents who cannot do so for themselves. The states'
legislation also gives guidelines to the courts, telling judges to use a
number of factors when weighing the adult child's ability to pay
against the indigent parent's needs. Judges, accordingly, have
considered such variables as the adult child's financing of their
child's college education, as well as his/her personal needs for
savings and retirement.
Sources: Filial Responsibility: Can the Legal Duty to Support Our
Parents Be Effectively Enforced? by Shannon Frank Edelstone,
appearing in the Fall 2002 issue of the American Bar Association's
Family Law Quarterly, 36 Fam. L.Q. 501 (2002). Lexic

This is scary. My FIL has wasted close to 1/2 million in pension benefits by gambling, womanizing and playing big-shot over the last 20 years. My state is on the list. I would soon to move to Canada than give him my daugher's college fund or our pension (which I see thankfully is taken into consideration). No wonder the statistics are going through the roof of baby-boomers who are comitting suicide in record numbers and one of the factors in the study listed was the extra-long life expectancy of their parents and the emotional, physical and financial costs of care givers. Just heartbreaking for the adult children.
I wonder for those parents who have been less than ideal and abusive or have ran through their money like water if adult children are able to legally sever all ties?

Yes there are provisions for children to abandon parents if the children were abandoned. I'm not sure about the money squandering but I'd guess that's probably taken into account if the child is sued for support. I know all the children who live in the same state as their parent are held accountable. Some states don't force the children to pay if their state isn't on the list that require payment.

I guess my question should have been that my brother lied about his ability to pay, not only about Mom's upkeep, but he also lied to the court about his income to avoid paying his fair share of child support to the mothers. The reason I had the kids so much was because the mothers and children all lived below the poverty level due to my brother's lies about his income. He did that, and stiffed Mom, in order to keep from paying his ex wives any more than he absolutely had to. If he'd helped pay for Mom's care, he would have been forced to own up to his actual income (not to mention I think he lied to the IRS as well and didn't report the second income he had).

I think my husband would quit his job first before giving his dad a penny when he has squandered it. Hopefully, those situations would be taken into account.
If your brother has lied to the court, that is perjury and my guess is, he would be accountable for that. The question would be however if they would send him to prison for lying under oath AND give you restituition or just send him to prison where he would probably die.
Also, it may be worth looking into just in case he is not dying of anything and is perfectly healthy. He may be doing a con again on you.
I think the question that would definately come up is why you have waited almost a decade after your mom's passing to file suit? I do not know if there is a statute of limitations on legal matters such as this but it may be worth looking into. Maybe an attorney that specializes in elder law could be of help.

Is your mother willing to file a civil claim against your brother? I doubt that the state cares who paid for her needs -- they didn't have to, and that is kind of the point of trying to enforce these very old laws now.

When you asked your brother to help financially he screamed at you and claimed no money. That doesn't sound like an agreement. I don't see how you can try to force him now to do something he never agreed to. Does he have the money now, in any case?

It sounds like the only way you would get money now is through legal action. Have you discussed this with a lawyer?

I am very sorry that you did not have help all along. I wish that your brother had been able and willing to help you out. It is a regrettable situation, but I doubt that you have legal recourse here.

After you consult a lawyer, please come back and tell us what you find out. We learn from each other here.

My brother just informed his children that he had saved a little over $2 million to give to them upon his death (in trust funds that he's put money into monthly for over 30 years, not life insurance policies). So he had the money all along, just didn't want to let the IRS or his ex-wives' attorneys know that he had the second lucrative job. No, mom can't file a civil suit, I lost her back in 2004 when my money ran out and I could no longer afford her treatments. My brother could have helped and did in fact agree to help, and made promises when she first got sick and I took her in, he just screamed about it when I would actually ask for the money for a specific reason. All along, he's lied, to me, to Mom, to his children and to his ex-wives. I wonder what the court would do to him if they learned just how far his deceit went. I also fear for the children's inheritance if the IRS learns of his second job and his not paying taxes on it. If I take it to court, I worry the kids would lose and they've been through enough just having to admit this man was their biological sperm donor. None of them have ever called him "Dad".

I misread. You mother died 9 years ago, right? So she is not going to sue him. If he has been cheating on his taxes, I'll bet IRS has first dibs on his estate. I'm interested to know what legal advice you get.

Your first step is to consult a lawyer. Then you would have a better idea of your chances of collecting, and what consequences might be for others.

Again, the reason I've waited so long is I didn't know about his deceit. I was unaware of the second job until recently when he accidentally let it slip. I did not know how much money the second job had paid (as that's where all the money for the trust funds for the kids came from according to what my brother told me). I told him then that he had promised to pay his fair share for Mom's expenses when he had the money and he reluctantly admitted that he had made that promise when she first moved in with me. That's why the "oops, I forgot" statement I listed in the original post was there. Yes, he knows he owes it, but until he let it slip about the second job, I didn't know he had the money and that's the reason I never went after him legally. And again, all I'm asking for is half of the $200,000 that I paid out of pocket. I don't think that's being unreasonable at all considering how much he lied and cheated and the fact that had he paid his fair share, Mom could/probably would have lived another five years at least. (She was a great person and I miss her everyday)

those fillial laws sound as ignorant as they sound. our manufacturing base is gone as are the cradle to grave jobs, benefits and decent wages. laws that cant be enforced make governments look innefectual and dont last long.

Just recently more states are Passing Those Laws requiring that the children pay for their parents medical costs. I have mentioned this several times on this site. I saw it on the HLN News. They showed all the states currently having such laws and the states NOW passing those laws. It's spreading. I wonder if the states are passing this law because they are overburdened with Medicaid costs. So, they are now turning to their legislature to pass laws which would make the children responsible for their aging parents medical bills. The states who do have it are just not enforcing it. But I'm sure if the hospital decides to go after their aging parents unpaid bills, the hospitals/clinics have a right to go after their children to pay for it. It's The Law! ..well if it's in your state.

Unikornfairy, if you go to court, it will be a he said-she said kind. A civil suit. To me, you took this on out of your conscience and love for your mother. You did it willingly. I cannot see how they can force your brother to pay up. As for using that law, I think it was for the medical institutions to go after the children. However, maybe a lawyer can tell you if you can use it too...Don't know.

There probably is nothing that can be done. But, considering that putting Mom in a Nursing Home was going to cost $3800 per month, neither me or my brother had that kind of money. (And yes, I did take her in because I loved her.) However, my brother did at that time agree to cover half her costs. He did this in front of one of his ex wives, my husband, me and my Mom because he didn't want to go into debt for his share of the monthly cost. It's just every time I asked him to pay up, he had an excuse as to why he couldn't pay. Again, I now realize it was so he could get out of paying his share. And yes, I am bitter towards him. I wasn't, not until I learned of his deceit. It was so hard watching my Mom waste away for lack of treatment (even after she finally had to go on Medicaid they wouldn't pay for the treatments but they sure wanted to take her house when she died. They couldn't however because there was a huge lien against it that had been paying for her medical bills before I started trying to cover them.) I ended up "buying" Mom's house after the bankruptcy cost me my house and cars by agreeing to pay back the outstanding loan amount. My family is happy here, as we always are, no matter what life throws at us. Despite what happens to most families faced with the hardship of caring for their elderly parents, we saw it as a blessing and it made us stronger. We also cared for my husband's father for five years but my husband's brother was a stand-up kind of man who helped with the costs. We will soon be faced with caring for my husband's aging Mom (88 and still going strong thank God) but her eyesight is failing and her blood pressure is out of control. My husband and his brother check on her several times a day and we bring her groceries and help be sure her bills are paid on time, etc. We have been blessed with three parents who lived long lives (both my Mom and husband's Dad died at age 85) and I pray that my husband's Mom lives as long as she's happy.

Only an experienced attorney can advise you of your chances of collecting and the best way of going about it. And even then you won't know for sure if you would win until a court case is over.

What is it you would like from AgingCare members?

Unfortunately you chose to take care of your mother due to free will to choose, and your brother, out his free will to choose, chose not to help. I doubt there is anything you can do about it. These laws were written so that NH's could recoup their losses not so children of elderly could recoup their losses. Everything you have said about your brother, sounds like you can't depend on on what he says so you really don't know that he has 2m stashed for his kids. I think your brother is bluffing you in order to push your buttons. He may even be lying about his health but you don't know for sure unless someone in the family is involved with his care hands on that is trustworthy. My heart goes out to you...it is not fair!! I think you will have to cut your losses, file bankruptcy and find a way to release your anger either by venting here on this site (which you will get support for that) or some type of grievance counseling. I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family, I hope you can rebuild your life with your husband and children...that is where you are at now and the primary concern. Hugs to you!!

I want to thank everyone for their help in this matter. In a way, just venting has helped. As to some of your questions, yes, I do know for a fact he is dying from cancer and has only two to three months left. He has called me several times to take him to the ER and I have cared for him after surgery. I do know for a fact that he has the money as he had a family meeting with his children yesterday and gave them each the financial documents pertaining to their inheritance. I guess what started my "need to vent" was that he called me today demanding I buy two cemetery plots left him by Mom (she left me two as well) because he's being cremated and doesn't need the plots and Mom had it in her will the plots couldn't be sold. Still not sure why he thought I could/would/should buy them. But his reasoning is he has three children and only two side-by-side plots. I told him to turn the plots over to the cemetery and let the children buy four, splitting the costs between them so they would each end up with two plots apiece, or he could simply buy one more plot and let each child decide what to do with their own plot. I guess I'd just had enough at that point.
Thanks again for the help and for the kind words.

I'm still open to more opinions/suggestions/ideas/thoughts on the subject. I've been doing a lot of research on "filial responsibility laws" and I have to admit it's scary what the law is beginning to do to children of needy parents. I had to fight the state of Tennessee over demands for reimbursement and won my case by proving I had saved the state $3,800 per month for ten years by keeping her out of a Nursing Home and absorbing as much of her care as I did. I still ended up with a mortgage on her house, but I didn't have to pay the state anything for the last six months of her life that she did end up in a nursing home (where the hospital dropped her and broke her hip, she began to fall constantly towards the end of her life, and while in the hospital recovering from one of those falls, they neglected to care for her properly and she got two bedsores that wouldn't heal despite Home Health Care, frequent Wound Care Doctor visits and Hospice Care.) I guess I should have sued the hospital (not once but twice since they dropped her and broke her hip and then three years later let her get the two bedsores. I still have all the documents regarding both incidents in my Safe Deposit Box as well as affidavits from the nursing staff stating they were understaffed and failed to protect my mother properly. The lawsuit would have been a slam dunk, but Mom and I didn't want to sue because she spent so much of her last years in that hospital and other than those two serious incidents, they were very good to her. (Actually three things, she got a staph infection while in Intensive Care that nearly killed her and required her to remain in the hospital an extra month.) But again, considering she was in that hospital 3-5 times a year, sometimes for a couple weeks at a time, they did some amazing things for my Mom.

Bless your heart. Your post reinforces how glad I am to be an only child.
I am wondering how sound the filial responsibility laws are. Have they been tested in a court of law? I am just curious of where this stops? I mean with the longevity of life extending every decade, we could be to a point eventually where we are paying for parents and grandparents and children all at the same time. And outside of a child's college education and retirement what are other circumstances? I went to my state's website and it was pretty vague. I mean, if you have a mortgage and your own health expenses every month -- are you forced to bread and water while someone 85, 90, 100 keeps receving medication that is costing hundreds per month? My grandparents saved for decades and kept up costly insurance doing without to provide for themselves in their elderly years. My mom is doing the same. It is sort of the ant and grasshopper story -- where is the planning for old age? Why are we pushing a generation who is more than likely looking for work, paying off loans (be it student or mortgages) and punishing them for being born?
According to my state's website, my husband could face jail time if he doesn't provide for a womanizing gambler who has wasted a small fortune. Someone who looks at the nursing home staff as his personal slaves and insist everything be done for him.
I want to thank you for this thread because it has been an eye opener. I am convienced no one should go into caregiving without a lawyer present, epsecially if siblings are involved. No one should have to go through this and put their kids through this too. My husband and I said after our meeting with the nursing home next week, we are retaining an attorney to protect our interests and that of our young daughter. You have definately opened the eyes of one poster tonight and I thank you. I hope everything works out for you. Perhaps you will have peace when your brother passes.

This series of posts really reinforces the need to seek financial advice as soon as things start declining with our parents, or preferably before. Consultiing with financial planners, elder law attorneys and the family are essential. It is money well spent. Also with more and more couples waiting until their late 30's or in their 40's to have children, the stress of young children and elderly parents can be tremendous, physically, emotionally and financially. Most families are ill equipped to handle this. Somehow we are all supposed to die peacefully in our sleep after a lovely day. Doesn't quite work that way. Facing reality isn't easy.

In regards to the laws being tested in court, the one that should scare the bejeeze out of every single living adult child with an aging needy parent(s) is this Pennsylvania case. The Nursing Home only went after one son, not the woman's husband or other children and left this one man stuck with the entire $93,000 bill. I don't see how this can possibly be fair, yet, it stood up in two courts of law.

While filial responsibility laws have rarely been enforced in the past, a recent case in Pennsylvania may indicate a new trend. In Health Care & Retirement Corporation of America v. Pittas (Pa. Super. Ct., No. 536 EDA 2011, May 7, 2012), the Pennsylvania Superior Court upheld a lower court decision which made the adult son of a woman who had received skilled nursing care and treatment at a Pennsylvania facility for a period of six months liable for the $93,000 bill. The court concluded that the state did not have the duty to consider the woman's other possible sources of payment, including a husband and two other adult children, or the fact that an application for Medicaid assistance was still pending. Instead, since the facility had adequately met its burden of proof that this particular son had the means to pay the $93,000 bill, the trial court was correct in holding the son responsible for paying it.

This Pennsylvania case demonstrates the importance of long term care planning from the perspectives of both elderly parents and their children. Without proper planning and legal advice from an experienced elder law attorney, children may very well be on the hook for thousands of dollars of care required by their aging parents.

Amen skionna! We have an 8 year old child and FIL is 86. Unfortunately, we went to an elder care attorney (at FIL request) and he threw a fit and one year later changed thing around and then back again. Financial planners and elder lawyers work when you can trust each other. Sadly, I think it is some of the children who will wish for death to take them in their sleep.

I do believe it's a major contributing factor in the number of suicides of middle-aged caregivers. It's an exhausting and daunting task to care for a parent and to be forced to give up one's financial well-being after careful planning and saving is just unfair. I did it because it was the right thing to do (and my brother promised to cover half the expenses). But, in the end, I was literally forced into a situation far outside my comprehension and financial abilities. I wonder since I filed bankruptcy if the state of Tennessee literally robbed Peter to pay Paul?

Because your brother lied about his finances, your mom didn't get the treatment she needed since you had already paid all you had...and so she crossed over perhaps before she had to due to the lack of treatment???

Am I understanding that correctly?

And your state is on that list?

Dang. What a jerk. Sorry.
I'd say...find a lawyer, you can get free advice even on line...find out if criminal or civil is the better court for your issue...and if not criminal, or if you want to avoid those particular consequences you mentioned for his kids...then still...why not sue him? You might win, might not, but personal injury lawyers often don't take payment unless they win. I am NOT the suing type. There are exceptions. For me, this would be one of them.

Good luck.

I don't understand your brother. He refuses to help pay for your mom for 20 years. He's now dying of cancer and tells you straight out that when his dies, his children gets lots of monye and you get nothing. So sue him, but he will be dead before the court ends. Then, why is he still asking YOU to take him to the ER? He just basically told you that your mom meant nothing to him. And now, you (who helped mom) is nothing to him but...a lackey? I know he is dying but he is not a very nice person.

He's a user. I know that you're heart is ruling you to do all these for your brother. Have you ever even thought of talking to your brother from your heart on how much he has hurt you? All the things you both went thru while growing up, the struggles with caring for mom (financially and emotionally, etc..)?

I think you need to open up to your brother - and Try As Much As Possible Not to be So Emotional (guys tend to view you as hysterical if you are too emotional and won't take you seriously). In your conclusion, don't hesitate to tell your brother what you really think of him. "I hated you for doing this or that...I hated you when I reached rock bottom and this hurt my husband, children...etc... And despite all these terrible things that I suffered because you did not do your end as you promised, I still love you or care for you very deeply." That is if you still do. You might as well vent to your brother before he passes away. But if you think this will make things worse, please disregard my advice...since you know your brother better than me.

At $22 per hour, 2 divorces and 3 kids, even if he did not really sustain them, he likely does not have a large amount to leave them. He lied before, he may be repeating his beavior.

Get legal advice, if collecting is not likely, do not throw good money after bad. Court remedies are not fast or cheap, do not do this just on emotional principle, it may only worsen your position.

I think beating a cancer patient in court would be very unlikely.

If there is an inheritance of $2m for the 3 kids, since you helped raise them, maybe they will help with grandmothers past bills. Hope they took after their aunt.

Best Wishes to you,
L

The kids have the paperwork, there's no doubt he had/has the money. He was a liar and a cheat his entire life, lied to the court about his income in order to avoid paying his fair share of child support (he told me this himself). He is right now arguing with me that his offer to pay Mom $7000 for her house that was worth $60,000 and had a $50,000 mortgage on it was a fair deal. For whom I asked him?

Even at $22/hour and 2 divorces and child support, my brother lived in a three bedroom condo and owned two BMW's. Of course his money was tied up, he lived like a king while we struggled to support Mom (all her medical bills) me (and all my medical bills, I have a disease similar to Lupus which crippled me while I was caring for Mom) my premature son (diapers, baby formula, medicine for his undeveloped lungs - he still only has the upper 1/3 of his lungs that work and his esophagus and stomach hadn't fully formed) and my husband (who is diabetic). We did all this, and paid our house payment and Mom's mortgage payment on $2500/month. We drove used vans, he drove two BMW's, one the classic convertible, the other special ordered from overseas. He also had the second job that he hid from the courts in order not to pay the extra child support. This second job leased him a Jaguar that he still has, so he drove THREE cars. But again, every time I asked him to fork over some money, he was broke. Poor baby, living life as a pauper on the edge of a cliff driving Beamers and Jags while popping drugs, booze, smoking and dating strippers from the local strip joint. (Maybe now is the time to mention his second job was writing background music for porno films and yes, this is the God's honest truth, I've seen the check stubs and they're the ones who lease him the Jaguar.) I confronted my brother many times over the past 20 years reminding him of his responsibility and of what he was doing to my family. My husband also talked to him many times over the years, not just about Mom, but of neglecting his children. My brother always told us he was broke, just before he drove away in one of his luxury cars. We knew he was lying then, but he kept promising that he would come through when he was no longer paying child support. Well, I admit I was stupid and trusted him, thinking once he paid off his last child support payment he would start paying us back (like he promised) but that didn't happen and we've confronted him numerous times. He said he was in debt because he'd bought land in Mexico to retire to so he still didn't have the money. Yes, I should have sued him last year, I know that. I just kept hoping he was going to face up to his responsibilities. That was obviously a mistake. And I was willing to let it go, until he screwed me over with the inheritance. Now I realize he can't pay me back because that would mean he has to admit he was wrong all those years and he would have to die with that on his conscience. Well, I'm to the point I think he needs to die with that on his conscience.

My husband, who is a retired attorney as well as a pilot, just told me the laws to compel adult children to pay for their parents in time of need is true. So, get a personal injury attorney to sue the hospital who dropped your mother and broke her hip (although I think the statute of limitations would apply), and/or get an attorney who specializes in family law to find reimbursement from your brother's estate (if in fact he does have $2 million and he is dying so quickly). You have usually two years to file an action, so get as many documents as you can together for preparation in trial. The burden of proof will be on you, however, your brother's children can testify for you as well since your mother and brother will be deceased. Good luck with your cause. You surely have earned a place in heaven, but do not allow others to take advantage of you again to your detriment. Filing bankruptcy will scar YOUR credit rating for TEN years.