My mother in law is being forced upon me. My situation is this; no one in the family wants to deal with her first because she has violent tendancies, stubborn and always trying impose her will no matter what. She cries, screams and carries on like some one is doing something to her constantly. I have discussed this situation with my husband and to no avail. This has been an ongoing situation and getting worse. I can't not and will not take care of her due to my medical conditions. She has a person coming to take care of her from 7:00 to 3:00 but after she leaves I have to deal with her. She has dementia and has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and when my husband comes home from work he is too tired to deal with her. He justs falls asleep and when she starts acting up he ignores her. My mother in law is too much to handle she needs to be in a Nursing Home ASAP. What can I do?
Hang in there! You've received a lot of good advice.
OhSoTired is providing accurate, proactive information along with a how to. They obviously have serious experience in this matter. I was lucky enough that the 'caregivers' called Adult Protective services and 911 so I didn't have to. If the roles were reversed I'd do exactly what OhSoTired suggests. God bless you with a positive outcome.
The facility gives her meals and is there for her and I am so grateful for that. But it is still a struggle for me. I fight guilt that I am not there enough and don't do enough, but on the other hand I barely have the energy. It is not easy, for sure. I was tempted to grab my credit card and passport once and head to a tropical island and not tell anyone till I was there. And then say OK now who will deal with all this? These have been the most difficult years of my life. Thank you for listening. I feel selfish at times, but I am just being honest.
Some men, are sad to say, more emotionally married to mom than they are to their wife. There is a book written on that subject for wives trying to win their husband's heart back from his mom's. I've never seen a book specifically written for husbands dealing with the same thing, but there are books on such emotional enmeshment that indirectly deal with it although, I would say it bears a book written for that issue as well.
Neither wives nor husbands are not slaves and I've seen both given my experience of marrying into the dysfunctional family that I married into. My FIL died a slave and my MIL wants the lives of her daughters as well. I'm sorry he's dead, but he's at least got peace and freedom now.
Save your life and let your husband deal with his mom, for she's his mom not yours. If he's more married to her than you, you never had anything to begin with and nothing to loose. It's no fun when the other woman is his mom! I"m sorry that you're having to deal with this.