I just got an email from an old friend that I haven't seen in a while that has been diagnosed with a possibly terminal illness. I am so wrapped up in all the drama with my mother ( I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist, diagnosed with PTSD and also on antidepressant and antianxiety meds). I think I just had compassion burnout. I am an old retired nurse but I just emotionally just don't think I have anything left to give. I am exhausted just getting thru the day with mother. What do I tell this poor woman? I don't think she has good health insurance and also a marriage she isn't happy in.I feel awful for her but at the present all my emotions are tied up with my mother who lives with me and I never know what each day is going to bring. Will it be a good day or a bad day? Any advice would be appreciated.
But, Tex, you really have got enough on your plate, and one more dam' thing to lose sleep over..?
Also, "possibly" terminal. How possibly? Does that mean possibly not terminal? I'm just thinking, could it be an idea to help her cross her bridges when she comes to them?
Still. It's bad news for you to have had from an old friend, and it's natural to want to respond. Be clear with her that you are emotionally hard-pressed, and can't be the kind of friend she can take for granted. That you want to know how she's getting on, that you're keeping your fingers crossed for her, that it would be good to catch up properly (maybe she can bring pizzas round and you can have a girls' night in?) - anything, in short that will lighten both of your hearts. But NO HEAVY LIFTING.
And - narrowing my eyes a bit - just check back in your memories of her that she's not the kind of 'friend' who only ever turns up to lean on you. Not having seen her in a while is okay. Not having seen her in a while because - I'm being suspicious, here - you haven't been as useful to her as she requires… Hm. She'd better not be that type - there are a few around.
You never know where these things will go. I would say to use your best judgment based on how you feel about her.
If she's a really good friend, maybe you can go out and cry into your beer together and listen to each other. But since you're concerned about how she will react to you and your lack of bandwidth for her situation, it would seem to me she maybe hasn't been as supportive of you (and your caregiver situation)as she could have been? I may be reading that wrong, that's for sure. Offer what you can - that's all you can do.