My friend (84) wants to leave me his home before he goes into a nursing home, can we?

don't think that you're being mean you're just speaking your mind I've lived in the house for 4 years with him taking care of him it's come to the point where he doesn't want to help us take care of him he's gotten lazy he's doing the 30 day dry out in the home right now trying to convince him he's got to learn to help himself we can't do everything for him I do work close to home he needs to get more hours so somebody can be with him all night long sometimes he falls on the way to the bathroom he is a danger to himself sometime I am NOT on welfare I do not get food stamps I have been helping him for years I'm not trying to get something for nothingyou know for 30 years he's been like a father to meGod would not allow me to just walk out and let everything go all of his memories are here and a lot of mine the trees we planted we live in a very small town you know I've just been a part of this home for so long it's heartbreaking I hope he gets it in his mind to start helping me and the girls take care of him and not leaving it all up to us he needs to stop being lazy and thinking that everybody owes him I'm not speaking bad he's just an old stubborn cowboy who has a lot of old ways and not a lot of respect for women he's never been married and lives with his mother tell he was 62 when she passed away which was in this house we just have a lot of history here

If you are as old as he is, and a female, you could try the NH or AL, together. You would probably benefit from Medicaid, yourself. But, we don't know what your relationship is, to this fellow. You could be a male caretaker, for all we know.

Originally I tried to answer your question with some grace, however, I've decided to be brutally honest. I have been on both sides of the fence as I have a mother that lived a pretty good life and has long-term care insurance and all her ducks are in a row. I've also been on the other side where people on the home are receiving food stamps SSI or SSDI. Since I've been on both sides I'm getting the feeling that this gentleman is getting some assistance if he's 200 pounds and three days a week someone's coming in. I see your predicament however, if he goes in a nursing home and the state pays for it and you stay in his home my tax dollars are paying for this gentleman to be in a nursing home and then if you cannot afford the home yourself there's more tax dollars going to food stamps welfare etc. it's an entirely different ballgame when you're getting assistance of any sort. Please don't take this personally I'm just explaining what I have learned. For example my mother who I spoke about earlier who has a good portfolio and long-term care insurance had my file bankruptcy because when the economy crashed he lost his home he has a lot of student loans which are not even forgiven in bankruptcy court. My point is I think that was rather a sneaky move because he owed those debts any file bankruptcy because he probably is going to come into an inheritance. It is my opinion he should take the inheritance and pay his debts he accrued.
I went through a similar situation after 11 your break up. I am vested 11 years financially and since we were not married I had very little rights. So, my honest opinion would be to find employment and start looking for a place to live because somebody has to pay for something. Like I said to Bob it doesn't make any sense if he goes into a nursing home and tax dollars pay for it and then tax dollars pays for you to be in the home if you can't quite afford it. That is why they have these laws and that is why people can't gift homes and pull certain moves within so many years of someone entering a nursing home. I don't mean to sound harsh I just have been through a similar situation and I finally realized I made some bad financial decisions 10 years ago and the consequences of those decisions left me at middle-age starting over at almost minimum wage. I did not protect myself financially and it sounds to me like it's possible some of these decisions should've been made five years ago. Not a week before he goes into a nursing home for a 30 day trial to get stronger.
Try to relax and don't panic. It will all work out however, yes, you may have to move but the good news is you can still visit your friend at his nursing home every day. I would call your County assistance office because they have caseworkers that can help you as well as your friend with services and how to proceed. You may even be eligible for a free legal advice from your local legal aid office. I have never answered a question On any forum so please forgive any spelling mistakes. I just felt very compelled to answer your question. Take a deep breath. There is support out there for your situation.

helphelphelp, I am confused. In your original post you said "I can't do it 24 hours a day alone" regarding taking care of this friend, then in a later post on the page you said "I have 3 girls that come and help me". You mentioned you haven't been able to work at a full-time job for the past 5 years, but you pay for all of the housing expense plus pay 3 girls to help caregive from your paycheck. Please clarify.

Curious, why hasn't this gentleman been paying his own bills? Does he have memory issues so it's too difficult for him to do this himself? Or are you paying from your own pocket because he cannot afford the house, food, clothing, etc? If this gentleman has memory issues, chances are he wouldn't be able to sign over the house to you. Plus, if Medicaid comes into the picture, they will put a lien on the house to help pay for his current and any future care.

As for reaching an Elder Law attorney, go to the top blue bar at the top of this page and click on "Money & Legal", then click on "Elder Law", now put in your zip code. I found my Elder Law attorney on the link, she is fantastic.

Medicaid does a 5 year look back on gifts and will penalize him the value of the home. No you cannot be gifted the home now.
The fact that you have been paying any bills is of no concern to Medicaid. I'm sorry you didn't consider this years ago but an attorney may help. It doesn't sound promising though and you may have to prepare for a move.

I have been paying the bills all the way for the last 5 years I pay out of my own pocket to have somebody come in and help us in the evening hoursas he needs more care then they pay for I have 3 girls that come and help me I pay them out of my own paycheck from work they only allow six hours a day for him that does not work for himthis is why we have to put him into a home for a 30 day period to see if it can help him get stronger so he can walk to and from the bathroom he weighs two hundred and sixty pounds 6:42tall and it is a lot of work for s girls and just because he goes to a home doesn't mean that I won't be going to see him everyday bring his dog pay the bills at the house so did anybody have a senior lawyer in mind that could possibly help me that don't cost a lot because all of my money has been going towards him in the house now

You need legal advise for however California law approaches Medicaid & the required estate recovery aka MERP. and do this ASAP.

Right now what I think is the biggest hurdle is that you have no legal standing - if you were to become his spouse or could legally be considered his common law spouse, that changes things entirely. If you were a spouse, you get all sorts of benefits: from part of his income as his wife; also you get to keep the house and no MERP done; etc.

Can you keep him at home & make it work for a couple of months more and see an attorney in that period of time and either get married or have it recorded as existing common law marriage.

Who is doing his IHSS applications for him? Who is his POA? Would they object to your getting married? Would he be good to go on doing this?

What is the situation on his home? Does he own it outright? Could you manage to pay for all the expenses on the house on your own starting tomorrow if need be?
If you were to get married, would the $ provided to you from his SS be able to cover the costs on the home as well as your living costs? You really have to do a hard realistic look at all this. What often happens for caregivers, is that even though they can qualify for the caregiver exemption for the home, they cannot afford the house as they flat don't and won't ever have the income level needed to afford all the costs (insurance, taxes, utilites, etc) on the house much less their food, clothing, etc. costs. They can't afford the house for the possible years that their elder or their spouse could live in the NH. Not everbody can afford a home. Sometimes you just have to make a hard choice based on financial feasibility and forget the emotion. good luck in whatever path you take.

I have been taking care of them on an off the last 15 years and the last 5 years have been very hard I have not been able to work my full time job unable to help take care of himI know that the state has been helping him and I know they have put a lot of money out onI'm just so scared that I am going to be put out on the streetI don't mean to sound selfish or greedy just that I put myself out for so many years for him and now what happens to me so he can't find the house over to me I know he's left it to me in the will but I'm sure there won't be anything left and now he's going into a nursing home how much longer am I going to be able to stay here I'm just scared

No he cannot sign over the house. If he does that Medicaid will not cover him and reject the application. On the other hand they will not attempt to recover his nursing home debt while he is alive.
If you can prove that your caregiving has kept him in his home, you may get a hardship exemption allowing you to stay there. Ask about that.

I suggest that you go to an elder care attorney. Yes, you will have to pay for it, but then you would have all of your answers. If you were the spouse of this friend you could live in the home, until your death. But, the way you are talking, you are considered a tenant and that is income to the home's owner. What you need to find out, is when would the home need to be sold, if his care is being paid by medicaid.