I’m so tired. And now I’m getting a winter cold and cough. I’m up 2-4 times. A night taking her to the bathroom. My kids help out with little things but I’m Granny’s security blanket and if I’m not around she is anxious. I can’t leave the house without having another adult here..and it’s best if it’s a woman because she won’t let men taker her to the toilet. I'm running low and feeling resentful. How do I overcome burnout? Where do I find Granny sitters that don’t cost an arm and a leg so I can get out more? And how do I get enough sleep? I volunteered to do this because my parents were leaving out of country for a year and my Aunt and Uncle could not take her. She was not doing well and they said it would probably be weeks or a few months. It has now been 6. My granny is tough as nails and is still going strong. Every time something happens...a heart attack 3 months ago, severe angina incident...my Uncle tells me to prepare for her to be gone in a week. But I know her better than that. I hate the way I think about it, but I’m so tired and now I’m getting sick. Ok rant over. Where is the aid and comfort measures for the caregivers?
You have to tell Mom and Dad you can't do this anymore.
If you don't take care of yourself, there are a whole bunch of people who are relying on you who you're going to let down.
Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle need a clear notification that they need to make alternative plans. 6 months is a huge contribution on your part and and end date must be established... by you if nobody else. Once you have an end date you will be in a better position to determine if respite services at your home will be adequate to get your through, or if she will need to move to AL or a NH for professional care.
"Tend to your own oxygen mask before assisting others". Do not feel guilt for doing so!
The sacrifices we make are done in love, but you have to consider what the right way to show love to your immediate family is first. Grandma is important, but even the bible tells us that we leave our parents and cleave to our spouse, our spouse and family come first.
I'm praying that you will be taken seriously and parents and Aunt & Uncle will respond promptly and respectfully.
“Uncle I’ve cared for Grandma for a few months I can no longer do it. You have until 2 months later to place her or care for her yourself. “
And make sure that a plan is in place for the care of your parents and yourself for later.
In addition to all the advice you have above, you might check out if there is a Home Instead Senior Care franchise in your area. They are quite active In both
the USA and the United Kingdom; and I have found them very helpful and reasonably priced in care for my wife who is ten years into Alzheimer's and still (happily) at home.
Your relatives have a choice: Help out practically to look after your grandma or help out financially. The option of doing nothing is unacceptable. Also, the responsibility for caring needs to move around the family, not rest with one person.
You have to look after yourself in order to look after your children and your grandma. It is better to make a move while you still have the energy to act, rather than to wait until you are completely exhausted.
My prayers and hopes for you
Her children need to fork over some money to help you out.
If they can't, won't, don't want to do this, then they need to help you do it.
Can you check with local colleges and see if you could find some relative inexpensive help that way. That's what I would be doing if I had to have my dad in my home. Get someone for 3 to 4 hours 7 days a week at g'mas children's expense. This would be good hands on for those pursuing degrees in the care fields and extra money for those working their way through college. Even if it's someone different and different hours everyday of the week. You would soon find out how many hours work well for you.
Be tough if you have to, they need to help you whether it's comfortable for them or not. It is the right thing to do.
God bless you for caring for your grandmother.
Hugs for all you do.
Definitely notify aunt and Uncle that you need help doing this. You need help- at least a few days for someone to help you or just someone at night so you can sleep.
I can suggest a few places to check for some additional help: your local church- ask the pastor or elders for a recommendation of someone, your grandmother’s Dr. or social worker, local university nursing student or even hospice has caregivers that look for an additional job for extra days on the side. Try to be vigilant that you can find a reliable person for grandma.
Can your grandma wear Depends or use a bedside toilet at night? If setup, you could place bedrail that she could hold and use bedside toilet herself? If you are exhausted getting up helping her, she is exhausted getting up too. Maybe on her regimen, stop drinking fluids after a certain time in the evenings... be sure not to dehydrate her but if she gets on a schedule of drinking plenty of fluids during the day, it would help the nighttime getting up to go to the restroom. Also right before she goes to bed, try to toilet her so she won’t need to keep getting up. I hope these suggestions help you! You have no idea what a blessing you are to your family!! Take care of yourself!
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