Well, today was further confirmation that it is definitely time to move Dad to full assisted living before he hurts himself or someone else. - The combination of his ailments has proven to be problematic. Try getting an almost completely blind man with dementia to manage oxygen. It's been a challenge to say the least. - I was able to get him to stop attempting to iron by "accidentally" breaking his industrial steam presser a few months ago. Whenever he asks about it, I simply change the subject and he normally forgets. However, he's insistent on trying to maintain his laundry. Not only is it hard for him to walk down the hall to get to the washer and dryer (thanks to his COPD), but he can't see to work the machines, so he often misuses temperatures and sets timers leaving a damp, stinky mess which I have to redo when he's not home. In addition, he completely irritates the other residents because he will only place two or three items in the washer and use a full tub of water. He will then forget his items are in the laundry and takes up machines other residents could be using for hours-only to become upset when residents out his laundry to the side so they can do their own laundry. - The IL facility did turn off the stove in his room and we depend on the microwave. However, today Daddy attempted to reheat some leftovers. Thankfully, I came into the room as he was placing the entire plate (FOIL and all) in the microwave!!! I was horrified!!! What if I had not have come when I did? Daddy has several oxygen tanks and a concentrator mere steps from his kitchen. This could have been tragic!!!! - I've tried to gently explain to Daddy that there are things that we (the IL staff and I) are happy to help with, but he INSISTS on trying to do things himself. Is this dementia denial or is he just being stubborn? I would love to use this as reinforcement that Assisted Living is the best option, but whenever I try to explain these things, he becomes combative and complains that I'm treating him like an invalid or a "cripple". What should I do?
Often harmful or annoying behaviors have to be redirected or restricted by those in charge. Allowing dementia patients to continue to use stoves, lighters, candles, etc., is risky. My cousin is in Memory Care and the residents are not even allowed to have toothpaste or mouthwash in their rooms, since they could ingest it. They no longer realize what they are eating or drinking. It's all a matter of protection. Reasoning is not very productive, because even if they process your concern, they forget it soon thereafter. It can be very frustrating. Sometimes these things go in stages though and eventually the person may stop insisting on taking care of laundry or cooking. Once your dad gets settled in, maybe he can be entertained with other activities that are supervised and occupy his time.
When my cousin first went to Assisted Living, she was hesitant to go to activities. I spoke to the social director and she asked my cousin if she would come to help her with the projects. She had my cousin hand out some things in the class and it made her feel needed and special.
From what you describe, it sounds like there are multiple instances of forgetting how to do something properly, plus, there is poor judgment on the part of your dad. Sometimes, dementia is not just forgetting, but also using poor judgment. When safety goes out the window, after repeated warnings........it gets my attention. Often there is a crisis before the senior takes heed. I suppose it depends on how comfortable you feel taking charge. At some point, the senior's wishes have to take a second seat to safety and well being. If it is dementia, it's not likely that he will have an epiphany and inform you that he needs more assistance in a facility. You say that he will not listen or cooperate with you. I think that I would make my decisions regarding his care before IL tried to.
Has he been assessed by his doctor for mental decline? Have you shared your concerns regarding his behavior and decisions with is doctor?
Good luck to you both.
I have offered to help with the laundry but that's when he says I'm treating him like a cripple.
He can't walk two feet without collapsing from exhaustion, so he should not be walking. I have purchased him a 3 wheel scooter which he is reluctantly beginning to use.
His COPD has morphed into a lung mass that the doctors don't feel should be operated on, so we're just...waiting. In the meantime, he is on oxygen 24 hours a day.
He forgets how to turn on his stationary concentrator at home despite several people showing him how to flip the switch and place on his face. He's supposed to use a portable tank when he leaves his apartment, but he can't keep it straight. He can't see well enough to set the regulator, turn the oxygen on and off, etc. As a result, he will go up and down the halls (walking again) knocking on doors and asking residents to help him.
I'm at the facility more than I'd like to be because either he or the staff will call me several times a day to attend to him. This has caused me to abandon the good paying job I had because it required extensive travel and opt for low paying hourly jobs--two of which I have lost because I have to leave to attend to dad or be absent for his multiple hospital visits / doctors appointments.
So, it's complicated to say the least. Him going to full AL will benefit us both. He will get the care he needs and I can get what I need which is to work. I can barely pay my rent, and my credit has tanked since I took on caregiving. Besides, he's now in danger even in IL. He's just going to have to face that he can no longer be independent.
Oh my gosh, hogging the washer. Maybe try to get Dad to use a kitchen timer to remind him that he has clothes in the washer.
Take away the tin foil, and replace it with wax paper. I use wax paper in the microwave to cover food while cooking.
My Dad is now in Independent Living and all of his life he was always fixing things, so even with his move where he can call Maintenance to fix things, he still wanted to have his tool box. So I brought from his house his tool box with a mix of some tools so he can tinker with things. I just hope he doesn't mess with the furnace and water heater which every apartment in the complex has their own.
I was able to get him to stop attempting to iron by "accidentally" breaking his industrial steam presser a few months ago. Whenever he asks about it, I simply change the subject and he normally forgets. However, he's insistent on trying to maintain his laundry. Not only is it hard for him to walk down the hall to get to the washer and dryer (thanks to his COPD), but he can't see to work the machines, so he often misuses temperatures and sets timers leaving a damp, stinky mess which I have to redo when he's not home. In addition, he completely irritates the other residents because he will only place two or three items in the washer and use a full tub of water. He will then forget his items are in the laundry and takes up machines other residents could be using for hours-only to become upset when residents out his laundry to the side so they can do their own laundry.
The IL facility did turn off the stove in his room and we depend on the microwave. However, today Daddy attempted to reheat some leftovers. Thankfully, I came into the room as he was placing the entire plate (FOIL and all) in the microwave!!! I was horrified!!! What if I had not have come when I did? Daddy has several oxygen tanks and a concentrator mere steps from his kitchen. This could have been tragic!!!!
I've tried to gently explain to Daddy that there are things that we (the IL staff and I) are happy to help with, but he INSISTS on trying to do things himself. Is this dementia denial or is he just being stubborn? I would love to use this as reinforcement that Assisted Living is the best option, but whenever I try to explain these things, he becomes combative and complains that I'm treating him like an invalid or a "cripple". What should I do?