My 93 year old mom lives with my brother. Due to swallowing problems she only takes ensure. juice, and water. She will not drink well for him, she also will not get up and walk around in the house for exercise, she just sits in her chair or lays in her bed When I am there she will drink what I give her and will walk through the house with me. I use the approach of here is some juice for you to drink now, and I say here's your cane let's take a walk through the house. The minute I leave she goes back to just sitting there. What can I do to get her to listen to him?
A lot more information about your Mom's capacity, her relationship with your brother, the environment, etceteras is needed to come up with potential solutions to help your mother live as fully as possible :)
As for the swallowing I found several exercises on the internet to help older people improve their ability to swallow. But again you'll need to have her actually do the exercises for this work. I found Boost VHC, (very high calorie drink) on the internet. It packs over 500 calories in an 8 ounce container. I highly recommend this as it is tasty and is well received.
Sooo, tell your brother to take deep breath, remain loving and supportive and pray for the best. My prayers are with you both!
Her memory, her desires, her what to do now, has all gone.
Your brother needs to realise that he is caring for a doll, if you want it to move, then move it, if you want to feed it then feed it. approach.
It is not his mother needing the care and attention , the one who nurtured him for all those years. but this 'doll'
That is why so many folk put their loved ones in rest homes, or that need to be in rest homes. They are living beyond their capabilities of independence.
Whether that helps or not, but yes a wee bit more info so we can help .. good luck
1. Your responsibility becomes, NOT making them happy or doing what they want all the time, but KEEPING THEM SAFE
2. You get farther by giving choices, as you would a small child. If you want her to walk....find something she wants or enjoys...a certain treat that is in the kitchen...it then becomes, walk with me to the kitchen and I will fix you......whatever that treat is.... Or, as one suggested...a choice...walk now or in an hour...walk here....or walk there. Wear this or that? Do your exercises and then I'll massage your feet afterwards....if the massage is a big reward.
3. Do things 'because the doctor wants them to do it'....that line works wonders with my parents. They won't do much of anything that, I, their daughter who is a retired RN thinks is a good idea.....I am just the 'dumb kid' still, even at 71....but if I say, the doctor recommended it during the last visit....it will be acceptable.
4. Any big change...like bringing in a care giver, or trying day care program or new exercise or routine....tell them or ask them...to try it for a month to see if it helps and promise that if it's not helpful, they won't have to continue (of course depending on what it is .....). That is still a 'choice' for them....and with my folks and their dementias, I found that by the time a couple weeks went by, they were used to the change and forgot they had not been doing it forever. I was amazed at the first time I tried this, which was about bringing in a caregiver. My dad wanted no help...needed no help....and Mom wanted no other woman in her home doing anything, even though she knew she couldn't deal with Dad. But after a couple weeks, they were both in love with the woman we hired 'for just a month to see if it would help'.
5. I sold my parents on lots of things by telling them that if we came up with the plan and had an outside agency involved, it would keep the control with them, whereas, if someone in the neighborhood complained or had concerns about how they were functioning at home, and might call Adult Protective Services....THEN all control might be taken away....so we needed to agree on OUR plan to assure that THEY would stay in control of staying at home alone. These ideas have worked out pretty well for me....not perfect....and not all the time, but better than never getting something done that should be done!
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