I'm flying home with mom for her 50th high school reunion in December. The reunion is Christmas weekend. We are staying with my mom's sister. My mother is demanding to stay longer than the week. No one will be here to assist with her if I leave her. My aunt is 79 (10 years older than mom) and she has her own health issues that she is in denial of half the time. My mother of course is saying, "I'm the mother and you don't tell me when I travel." Mind you, I explained that I do not have enough leave to take anymore days from work. This is it. I told her she is welcomed to ask her sister if she can stay longer and she can pay for her returned trip. How do I deal with this? Tickets were already purchased in advance for this trip. Noone wants to deal with my mom's situation. My aunt already told me I can't leave her there with her. I want my mom to attend her reunion, she's been looking forward to this for months, but I don't want to pull teeth when it's time to get on the plane. It would be great to leave her so I can have some days to myself, but she would not be in the best care there. My aunt is in denial that she is deaf in one ear, she is a recovering stroke and heart disease patient. Two months ago was in a car accident and we don't think she should be driving further than her town for safety reasons. She is stubborn just like my mom, afraid for losing independence and the family is afraid that will cause her her life at some point. She barely hears the telephone, doorbell, close proximity conversation. Sleeps most of the day. My mom gets confused with her medication. So I prepare it and give it to her. I don't let her handle it. We tried that, no go. Ok, just rambling, just need to know how to handle this trip?
I certainly would have to insist that the trip be done on your schedule. Mother's protests would be dealt with with whatever reasons you can come up with, but, what I find alarming is that you fear that she may become stubborn and resistant when things don't go her way and conflict then ensues at the time to return. For that reason, I would not attempt plane travel with her, but that's me. What happens if she gets belligerrent and refuses to get on the plane? It's not a chance that I would take.
Your aunt has said she cannot supervise your mother, so that would be the end of that prospect as well. Apparently, your mother is not able to comprehend your reasoning for returning on time and I would not pursue that any further. When things like that start occurring, I would question the feasibility of her to travel by plane.
Please let us know how things turn out.
You can also tell Mom that the airlines won't change your return ticket without a large cancellation and rebooking fee.
This puts you in touch spot. If she's prone to "acting out", what are you going to do at 30,000 feet if she decides she's been kidnapped?
If she's on psychotropic medication, I'd talk to her doctor about increasing the dosage for the trip to and from. If she's NOT on meds for mood and anxiety and agitation, I would get her asap to a geriatric psychiatrist for a consultation about this trip and her general condition.
I understand her need for some control and decision making capacity in the situation, but it doesn't seem as though she's either thinking clearly or being cooperative and considerate of you.
We caregivers sacrifice a lot to accommodate our parents' needs and desires, but sometimes we need to be demanding and insist that our needs be considered too. And in your case it's not only that you have concern for how she'll be cared for, but that you have a job to return to.