How do I get a toxic parent out of my house who doesn't qualify for any benefits?

If she is disabled, she should be on social security disabilility. If she is low income or no income, she should have a caseworker with the county social services. You get her out by having the police take her away when she hits somebody, and you get an order of protection to keep her away.

Take her to the local er . If 2 psychiatrists agree they can hold her for 72 hours. Now she's in the system. A social worker and discharge planner will be assigned to her, ask for their help. Every hospital has a patient advocate or representative whose job it is to negotiate for the patient with the hospital. Inquire about them starting the medicaid process for her. Find an attorney who will help her get social security disability, their fee comes out of a portion of what she gets. I don't know exactly how that works except no money is required up front. Good luck.

I tried every trick in the book to get my husband out of the house. Finally when I had given up a young doctor at the VA during an emergency room visit asked me “do you really want to take care of that old man? That one question got the ball rolling and I had to pick out a nursing home and the only one taking new patients was 32 miles away. I suspect any doctor can do it, you just have to find the right one and it will probably be miles away

Please follow the above advice.Call the police and she will go to the ER and be held
for 72 hours.If she hits a policeman or woman ,doctor or nurse,it will solidify your case.Then she will be in the system and be assigned a caseworker.Have you contacted the doctor about this? They should be your disposal to get her out.Laws are laws but there will always be ways around them.You will likely need a lawyer to help with social security , medical documentation is vital. I know...the more members of the medical community you have behind you the better.Good luck and stay in touch

I'm afraid of this sounding like an idiotic question, but how do you get her to the ER unless she co-operates?

As a possible alternative, how old are your daughters? Would child protection services be of some assistance, perhaps?

Adult Protective Services may also be able to help you. Not that she needs protection, but they try to advocate for the best solution. Sounds like she needs to be in an ALF, and the Social Worker there may also help you with the Medicaid application.

Take photos of any bruises or injuries she inflicts on you like the split lip in my photo here. Then take her to the ER. When they call you to pick her up, refuse to do so. They will threaten you with all kinds of dire punishments. Don't pick her up. After 3 days they will place her in a nursing facility and you will have 100 days before you have to bring her back or go into hiding in the witness protection program. I didn't do any of those things but I wish I had. I was advised to by people who had already done so. Good luck. Document anything she does to hit you with photos and report her to her doctor. I did that.

Don't call Child Protective Services. It will be your fault for failing to protect your kids from abuse and you'll get tangled up in a situation that will be worse. As for paying for her meds....ask her doctor for a lot of free samples. Talk to the county about benefits she may qualify for to get her rx filled by county services. Talk to the pharmacy about any plans they know of which help. Talk to the pharmaceutical companies about free or lower costs for someone who cannot pay retail prices. Ask the doc if generics would work. Is she on the right meds anyhow if she is still acting out? What is her disability anyhow? As to getting her out of the house, you could file for a restraining order to keep her away. You could go through local procedures to have her evicted. How did she end up with you anyhow? Can someone else take her/handle living with her? Can your kids go somewhere for a long summer visit while you take care of the problems? Is there any special holdup on her disability claim? Can you move that along?

You can not legally be held responsible for your mother's housing or medicines. I will see a social worker to try to get her an apartment for the poor, food stamps and she must qualify for a charity care for medical. Once she gets approved for disability social security, more will be open to cover her housing and medical expenses.

Once a child hits 18 yrs old or adult, you are on your own in the USA. So the daughters will not have a claim on you after 18 yrs old and neither does your 58 yr old mother.

Good luck.

Once she gets approval from SSD she will get benefits and more options will be open to you - as long as she is approved - 18 months is a pretty long time to wait for SSD - why the long wait? With the right documentation it should take less than a year. That said a visit to the hospital is your best chance to get her placed. Once she is admitted she is their responsibility if you are unable or unwilling to provide a safe place for her. I know it is messed up the way the system works especially if there is no $$$ for her care but that is the way it is and you must be strong and not let them steamroll you into taking her back into your home. Good luck - this is a very tricky situation. Another thing to watch out for is when she does get approved she will get a big check for the previous months. Maybe that will be enough for her to find her own place or some assisted living situation that takes social security for their payment.

You really are in an impossible place if she is abusing your kids and you can't get her out. If CPS does get involved and requires her to be out of the home though, I don't see how the state could rationally expect you to provide her care personally in that situation. You may not need to abandon her, but you do need someone else to do it!

Looking up online what you might be up against though, I can see where you are coming from. If a parent is "impoverished"..."Another Maryland statute prohibits nursing homes from going after an adult child to pay a parent's unpaid bill, unless the offspring agreed in writing to be financially responsible, said Jason Frank, an elder-law attorney in Lutherville. He is participating in a webinar Monday with Pearson on filial support laws for the American Bar Association. A Maryland nursing home, though, can ask the court to force a child acting on behalf of a parent to file an application for Medicaid, Frank said. The child faces up to a $10,000 civil fine for not doing so, he said. But Maryland's filial support law comes into play when a parent is under the care of a state psychiatric hospital, Frank said. If the parent is under age 65, the state can use the law to get children to reimburse the state for the parent's care, Frank said." (articles.baltimoresun.com/2013-04-05/business/bs-bz-filial-support-20130401_1_care-facility-laws-filial).

I take it she has no income and no health care insurance until the SSI comes through (didn't apply under the PPACA (Obamacare) either?) That's nuts you have to pay for her meds, and she probably needs a re-eval of her current meds to see if they can get her anything for depression if she is also depressed as well as flat broke. I hope you have documented what you have paid and can reimburse yourself when it comes through.

An understanding of your Mom's disability could point in one direction or another.
Without that, there are some things you should know....

Even before she gets Disability, she might qualify for Welfare helps, even while living under your roof, which could include food-stamps/card, Medicaid, small stipend, etc. services as a person on low-income.
YOU, depending on the circumstances, MIGHT qualify to get paid a little as her caregiver--depending on how the evaluations go.
BEFORE you try to apply to be paid as a caregiver, though, it sounds like you have already learned the hard way the difficulties of having a cantankerous, or worse behaviors of a sick or aging parent under your roof.
There's also Food Bank foods that might be helpful--most communities have a Food Bank. Some have clothing Banks.
One larger City near us also has a Medical Equipment Bank---they loan it out for donations, and ask it to be returned once a person is done with it, so they can keep helping others. Equipment is in good working order, and they expect to get it back in good working order, and cleaned off. We borrowed a toilet seat riser, bedside commode, wheelchair, walker, then returned them...they also had beds, and all kinds of other equipment--but what they have at any time, depends on community needs...so what you seek might not be there when you first look--might need to return or keep calling to find if the item is in yet. Other sources of medical equipment are second hand stores, Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc.

There are programs to help disabled persons do ADA renovations to their living spaces, to allow wheelchair access, wheel-in shower, wider doors, etc., which Social Services or Area Agency on Aging should be able to hook you up with, if those fit.

IF she endangers you, your family members, or herself, while under your roof, or anywhere she acts out [in car while you drive her around; other locations], you need to:
===1. Call 911 to report it immediately---or as soon as you find a cell signal or phone; file a report---EVEN if she's a very good "show timer", not acting out once officer[s] get there to witness it.
Ask neighbors if they would willingly make statements about how Mom behaves--they are your witnesses, too.
Police reports funneled via the 911 system, MUST have a report filed--this can later help you...the more reports, the more evidence towards The State possibly removing her from your home.
You could alternate this with asking officers to do "well-checks"--this is where they come to the house to see what's going on, to evaluate if the elder is doing OK where they are.
These are usually requested by family and friends trying to keep an eye on an elder living alone, or in a dicey situation--not usually by family living under same roof--but it could be done--you must giver reason why you want the Well-check---like "elder not eating, not taking meds, leaving stove on, etc.

===2. Locate your nearest "Area Agency on Aging" office, and ask them to hook you up with a Social Worker to do in-home evaluations.
It should take something like 2 or more hours.
Mom may be on good behavior during it--not helpful.
They will ask her if she wants to leave your house, if she's happy there, if she feels she's being treated decently, etc. Mom may tell them [lying] that things are fine, that she wants to stay, etc.
IF mom takes a break during the process to go to her room to collect her wits, then return to the evaluation, YOU need to inform the workers doing the evaluation, how things are, that she's collecting her wits in order to keep up her charade.
You make sure that during that evaluation, only your Mom has openings to get upset, nasty, act out--not you--you must keep your calm!
Ultimately, nothing may come of it...that's what we experienced---except it's now in a file on her.
IF you have video footage or recordings of her acting out---let them have copies [copies, not originals] Same with notes from neighbors witnessing her behaviors, or store clerks, etc.

===3. ANY Doc visits you take her to:
You can write a 1-page letter to the Doc, listing Mom's behaviors.
Just write facts only, one-liners of her behaviors, and your concerns.
I had to do that for my Mom, and at one point, it got her on "drug-seeking" officially on her medical records, because the Doc remembered to check my note before just giving her narcotic pain pills "just to have on hand". It made her extremely angry when the Doc RX'd an NSAID, but it also prevented her from stockpiling Narcotics to make another suicide attempt.

===4. Any acute hospitalizations:
These are one of the events to take advantage of pushing State to take custody of Mom's care. That might mean you no longer have a legal say in your Mom's care, but--your goal is to not have her under your roof, right?
You can request a Psych eval while they are in a facility---again, those usually miss far more than they catch, especially in an elder who's been "getting by" undiagnosed and un-helped all their lives. But it will be on record.
ALSO, once the acute hospital has her under their roof, they are responsible for her.
The Hospital workers may try to force you to take her home with you on discharge BUT, if you can show just cause why that's a very bad idea, they cannot keep pushing [endangering safety and health of family members---that can include filth, hoarding, raging, abusive behaviors [that's hard to prove without bruises];
financial hardship is also harder to use as a reason to get them moved out of your home.

If you're like us, "too rich to be poor, and too poor to be rich" [a crack-dweller always falling through the cracks in systems and safety nets],
getting Welfare to help is harder...
....but if you can show that her food stuffs and supplies bought with Welfare are kept separate from the rest of the family, she should be able to get those for herself, which could help take a load off your wallet. Welfare has medicaid help for medications, too.
ALSO, one little secret Pharmaceutical companies have kept very quiet: ALL of them have various programs to help below-income patients get medications--some sliding scale, some reduced, some free, depending on how well the Doc writes the letter and prescription.
---YOU must make sure her Docs "get it" that without their help to write letters/prescriptions to apply to those programs for her, she will NOT get her meds. It might be that if she's on several meds, they might have to do that process for each of those meds.

There's also potential help from your Utility Co., but usually, that's only for the person whose name is on the bill.
You might ask other services if they have senior/disabled discounts, and how they can get them.
"Senior" is a moving target: some places say 58, some say 60, some say 62, others say 65. Some require income proof.
======I would NOT advise putting your utility bills in Mom's name, just to get subsidy, UNLESS you can also be listed on the bills and still get that reduction for her----that could cause more problems than it's worth----especially if Mom is cantankerous or, if she might have beginnings of dementia or other conditions that cause impairment of thinking.

Some folks have been lucky enough to have yard space to park a nice little RV trailer or "Park Model" unit, for their elder to have separate space in....that, unfortunately, is not legal in too many areas--most municipalities have long ago outlawed "in-law units" in the back yard.......but this is starting to change, as the huge numbers of Baby-boomers now need to live closer to family or someone who can help them a bit more as they age.
Having a separate living space could be a great help--
----but NOT if the elder does things like leaving a burner on the stove going, burning candles, or those who's dementia leaves them confused enough they forget to eat, can't do their own business, etc.
But Elders CAN usually stay in their own spaces with certain helps--meals on wheels, dial-a-ride, in-home caregivers from Welfare to help bathe, clean, cook, supervise medicines being taken, etc.

Take heart---even if your State has "old laws" promoting elders to stay with family, NO ONE wants to endanger other family, nor impoverish them to the point they also need Welfare. But they do make it real tough to break through that blockade!
=====Your task is to prove her behaviors, protect your spouse and kids, and not go broke--it's fair to bring that up, for instance:
"if I have to keep out-of-pocket-spending my income for Mom, WE will need Welfare help--we don't want to be a burden on anyone---Mom is pushing us in that direction fast, AND endangering herself and others in my household--and I have kids at home".....

BTW--You can go to the DSHS/Welfare office, to speak with a Worker there.
They can evaluate your situation.
You might need to fill out an application for your Mom [just her information, not yours...yet], to see if you can apply for help for her---IF mom is not able to come with you--that could work in your favor--but with that, you would need some sort of letter from her, authorizing you to apply on her behalf, with her ID and statements of her income. Welfare might want to send someone to the home to evaluate....THEN your income might need also documented.

But FIRST, be collecting information on Assisted Living, other care home options in your area, Social workers and what they look for on home evaluations.
PUT your ducks in a row before calling Social Services, by providing notes to her Docs about her behaviors for her files, filing Police reports via 911 on her behaviors, taking daily notes on a calendar or notebook of her behaviors and words.
Date and time and describe her behaviors and words, in a Notebook or Calendar. This helps you remember, and helps - protect you - in case anyone questions your motives, need, or your behaviors, or what really happened.
Some get low-cost surveillance programs on their computer, with webcam, that record the persons behaviors, even if you aren't there---motion-activated--- including a date/time stamp on the video, which can really help your case.
Some of those are available online, free to download; others are price-tagged; there may be other equipment needed.
My spouse found a free download, with a motion-sensor built into it, which helped us catch Mom doing a few things.

Do your best to avoid letting her jack you up into a conflict...it's very hard sometimes.
Patience is key.
Having a quiet place to go for a break, is very important too, for your sanity.
This website is a great means of morale support, too.
My Mom seemed to WANT conflict-- not just with us, but with whoever she's with for decades--always had to have a target person to rage at.....she acted like she desperately wanted to sever connections and totally ruin any good memories I ever had of her....she did a good job of that.
Do your best to prevent her doing that to you.
The longer the situation is allowed to fester, the worse it gets.

NO physical abuse is ever proper.
NO laws protect caregivers; but numerous laws protect elders.
That means, even officials will try to turn it around to make it appear as though you're the abuser, even if you are the one sitting there with bruises.
They didn't see anything happen, so they automatically assume it was your fault.
BUT, IF you are THAT desperate to let the State think you abused your elder, they will remove the elder from your home immediately....
I do NOT recommend that---but there are times when a caregiver might start thinking that is somehow a good idea, just to get them removed from the home.

Keep in contact here; keep asking questions.
We've all been dealing with caregiving for long periods of time, some of us.
It's crazy-making with no one to talk with about these problems---people here are great at it.
Without them all here, I'd probably have just rolled over and died, related to my Mom's bad behaviors here. It's really a lift to be able to talk with those who know what it's like, even when things are still really bad--it helps to share the burden and find useful suggestions, whether you tough it out and keep Mom under your roof, or get her transferred somewhere more appropriate.

Children {QUOTE} Who Do You Have to Pay?

Filial responsibility laws typically don't apply unless your parent has to accept financial support from the government or she incurs a nursing home or other medical bill that she has no possibility of paying. If she has no financial resources, you might be expected to pay for her care. The nursing home, hospital, government or a third party can file a lawsuit against you in states that allow it, seeking a judgment that would obligate you to pay your parent's bill.
Your Parents Must Be Indigent

Most state laws specify that your parent must be indigent before the court will rule in favor of a filial responsibility lawsuit. If the costs of your parent's care exceed her monthly Social Security benefits, the state would probably consider her indigent. Massachusetts clarifies the issue as someone who is "destitute and too infirm" to care for herself.

The information provided on Lawyers.com is not legal advice, {END QUOTE}

The states that have filial responsibility laws on their books in some shape or form are Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.

Get a disability lawyer. Our friend was told 99% of all cases are turned down the 1st time and then some without a lawyer. The usually take about 25% of the back pay ( some to back to date if disability, some go back to app date. Either way it would be a nice amount for him and your your Mom making it worth a good fight for lawyer ) Then you could also ask for reimbursement if you have kept good records and maybe even caregivers pay. People might be more sympathetic to you if they see she has an income and can pay for their AL or whatever.
Best of luck to you!

you need a Geriatric Care Manage

They will make you aware of the many choices that are now available to assist in the care of a loved one?
your financial and legal responsibilities

Ours charge a reasonable fee, well worth it
Ours will deal directly with problems

Thank you for all your advise. I know from a situation I was in years ago, calling CPS for help will only get my kids taken away while I deal with her. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The hold up with her disability was that she owned a house in her home state. She came to stay with me and the foreclosure started and literally just wrapped up (lots of harrassing from me last month) So now, we are starting the disability stuff again. I was told several times that because she is only 58 she doesn't qualify for anything for elderly or retired until she is approved for disability. I've also been told since she never worked in this state she doesn't qualify for any help until her disability goes through. Its been a very long waiting game. I don't feel like I am getting any help from all these people I've been recommended to. The social worker at the hospital in July, the patient advocate, is the one who threatened me with 12 months in jail if I didn't take her back. My daughters are 14 and 11. They were very understanding for the first 6 months, but once my mother started calling ME names, and asking my girls to lie for her, well its been all down hill from there. My mother has neighbors convinced we are starving her because we had to lock the pantry. She will go through a jar of jelly in a week (eats it by the spoonful) she has almost entirely gone through a 10oz jar of honey in 5 days. She refuses to make anything out of the fridge. But she will eat 3 lbs of fruit in as many days. Now I'm just ranting so I'll stop. Thank you to everyone for your feedback.

As I understand the situation, she had applied for SSI and was turned down due to the assets over the limit. Did she also apply for SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY INSURANCE? Same disability issues but not need based. Food stamps are a federal program that has nothing to do with her previous living in that state but her intent to stay living there now. Not sure about the state you're in but with the expansion of Medicaid and Obamacare it is possible that she could qualify this year for medical coverage. Guess we're just trying to find resources that would enable her to be elsewhere.

vegaslady, I will apply for state aid. After talking to "advocates" I was left with the impression (flat out told) every aid she could get hinged on the disability approval. I am becoming more upset with the realization that either these social workers a)didn't want to fill out more paperwork or b)would rather I pick up this mooch's bills before the state does. Doesn't matter to them that my kids are on the free lunch program and we are currently having our rent subsidized. And no I don't classify myself as a mooch even on these programs, I work 2 jobs and my husband works more than 40 hours a week. My mother however IS a mooch, never having a job, no SSI to draw from, wasting ALL of her inheritance, and EXPECTING I take care of her because I'm her child. She never took care of her OWN mother, who lived unassisted until 6 months before her passing at 78!!! I hate hypocrites and double standards!

Anon - You are young to be going thru this. I figure that you are probably in your thirties or early forties since your Mums is only 58. A lot of us are in our fifties taking care of parents who are in their 80's and 90's and do not have to worry about a preteen and a teenager also. I am so sorry for your situation - so unfair. This should be your time to take care of your family- instead you are stuck with a needy, life sucking Mother who would never have take care of her own Mom but expects you to take care of her. That being said she really needs to get that SSDI so you have some options. I did the paperwork myself when I became disabled at 56 and was approved in 8 months but it was very daunting and I worked in the medical profession. As busy as you are it would be worth the time. They are all over the internet and take about 25% of the first back check. No money up front. The patient advocate that said you could be put in jail for 12 months was trying to intimate you. As far as I am aware of if you cannot provide a "safe" environment for your parent it is their responsibility to find one. That is the way it is in California anyway. Safe can used in a variety of situations. Example - the kids are at school and the parents are working - what happens if she falls? If you need help with the paperwork you can personal message me and I will tell you all I know about getting approval. You need some help ASAP!

The first question I would ask, does she have a mental illness? As a member of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) I often hear from people dealing with the same abuse you are. If she hasn't been professionally evaluated, I suggest that happen ASAP. Much of her behavior might be remedied with appropriate meds and therapy. Often the services available for someone with a mental illness differ from other situations or illnesses. Family members have the right to put their safety first. Not sure what the law is by you, here in FL we have the Baker Act. If someone is a danger or threat to themselves or anyone else, you can call 911, explain the situation and have them removed for evaluation. We have had people legally remove the threat for everyone's safety. Emotionally it's not an easy thing to do. The safety of you and your children must come first.

I'd agree with you, Anon, it does sound as if your mother's advocate and SWs were really pulling a fast one on you. Tsk. You can't get Child Services to get them to back off? Your kids' needs should come first, and your mother - to be as cynical as they can be, sometimes - would be cheaper to rehouse and support. Sorry for all you're going through, best of luck from here.

If you believe someone is a danger to themselves or others you can Baker Act them. That's the part about the 72 hours for evaluation. You don't have to take them. You also can call 211, a community resource for many programs and services in all cities around the US. I have no idea what those laws are but I sure would think it's worth contacting a lawyer to find out what your actual responsibilities really are and go from there. You might have to pay up front but for someone who is 'draining you dry' it seems to do otherwise might be pound wise and penny foolish, as my grandmother used to say.

My question is: How did she get into your home in the first place? If all else fails, see if a sibling or relative will take her for three weeks while you go on a vacation somewhere. I went to India where I couldn't be reached by anyone. When you come back, refuse to take her back. This may sound crass, but it you try to do it upfront, no one else will be willing to get stuck with her. Good luck. You're going to need it.

Have you tried Public Aid they may be able to help with financial aid as well as placing her someplace. There is a lot of help if you get in touch with the right contacts

I do know something about disability payments. I got a lawyer recommended by my Dr. Who filed it. I was told "I wasn't on the grid", meaning there is a list of disabilities that qualify you. I had had bypass surgery and ended up with chronic pain, daily. About 4 years later my cardiologist burst the angioplasty balloon in my heart during a heart catherization procedure. (almost died) Six or seven months later I started getting checks for disability.

My doctor, bless him, had sent my medical records and prognosis to the lawyer. Even with the damage to my heart I have done better than expected and am so grateful that I don't have to work in addition to the disability checks. (or live in low income housing ) .husband has a good pension, I don't.

I would suggest you get the medical records from her doctor if he agrees she should get disability. Maybe then a social worker will have something to work with to get her better care. I feel sympathy for your situation.

Call your local Congress man or woman. It's amazing what help they can be in this type of a situation. Been there, done it-Kept the t-shirt-SMILE....there is help available.

You can also call ,"Adult Protective Services" ....or "Child Protective Services" for your daughter's. Depending on their age. All kind of help is out there.

I didn't read ALL of the responses here, but--as a former paralegal in 3 states--each state Bar Assn has a Pro Bono program (free legal services). It may be once a month on a Saturday, or something like that, but it'd be worth it for you. That's what I'm having to do for Mom. {I drew up my own POA, just so I could deal with her dr's and the notary didn't blink an eye.} Just Google "{Name of city or state} Pro Bono" (or go to www.lawhelp.org--fees may be on sliding scale or free, depends on your area). DEFINITELY take photos and have your kids start RECORDING (audio AND video) her rants. You'll need all the proof you can get when she starts her Academy Award-winning portrayal of the perfect mom/grandmother.
Mom's psychiatrist told me some of the same things mentioned here: that if she gets physically abusive (which she hasn't), call 911 and they HAVE to take her away, even if it's only for 72 hrs., but then she's in the system, and keep calling them until it gets the attention of the right person (I'll be praying for Divine Intervention, cuz that's what it takes, trust me). You're not alone, believe me. Let us know how you are.

I assume your kids have cell phones, which is why I said have THEM record her fits (w/out her knowledge, of course, because it may escalate things).

I am very sorry you are going through this, I went through a nearly identical situation with my mom when she was 57 and I was 29 (8 years ago). It took about 9 months for her to get SSDI for a combination of a broken hip and pelvis, as well as Bipolar disorder. I think you still have to wait 24 months after approval for Medicare to kick in, but if she is very low income, she may qualify for MEDICAID in the interim. I am guessing finances are very tight, but I would strongly advise you to see an attorney, as more and more state are enforcing filial responsibility laws and they vary from state to state. Some states CAN make you pay for housing and medical care, and even in states without formal laws...the children can be held liable if the parent is diagnosed with some sort of cognitive problem. My Mom was recently diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's in addition to the bipolar, and she is not capable of good decision making nor can she handle her finances and her SSDI income puts her right at the poverty line. Consequently, she relies on my heavily for financial assistance. I considered just walking away- long story, my Mom has been mentally ill my entire life and it has drained me in every way possible. I was advised by an attorney and social worker NOT to do so, as I could be charged with neglect due to her cognitive state. I live in a state without filial responsibility laws and am still in a pickle, so please seek legal advice.

Has your Mom been diagnosed with any sort of mental illness? That typically speeds the SSDI approval process and may give you more options for getting her into some sort of facility.

Good luck to you, this is a crummy situation to be in.