My mom had a stroke 3-1/2 years ago. At the time, I had just been medically retired from a job, and that made it convenient while she got a grasp on her new life. She is where she’s going to be now physically, and mentally, as close to her old self as I could ever ask for (good and bad! LOL). She lives in assisted living and is happy there. She gets lonely still, but the routine is key for her. I’m there 2-3 times a week to exercise her and take her to appointments, and a friend of mine does the same.
My husband has been on furlough, so I interested him in also, for me and in between for both of them. She enjoys someone different.
Now that husband is going back to work, I realize I have had a jealousy and anger because he still has a work family. I am able to get at least a part time job, just not on my feet all day.
I mentioned it to mom, and of course she worries (probably about my visits mostly), partly because I understand her better than anyone (her speech was affected).
The guilt never seems to end, but I feel if I don’t start doing for myself, the resentment will be far worse than any guilt, especially after she’s gone, and I could have been working.
There is no way I can push her appointments and therapy I do to anyone else, so there’s no way that I would neglect her, but I feel I will explode if I don’t get some sort of life back and contribute to my and my husband’s income (and my MENTAL HEALTH).
Is this all a common circle only children go through, or am I missing something?
If getting a part time job feels that important to you, then it is important.
Your mom will adjust and maybe even be motivated to find some friends of her own, right now she doesn't have to, your friends and family are filling the gap. No criticism meant, it was a season when she needed everything you all gave her. The seasons have changed and so will activities.
I hope you find something that you really enjoy doing and that you can come to terms with the fact that you have nothing to feel guilty about with your mom, u r doing nothing wrong.
Create the life you want to live and move forward. Your mom is in a safe place and you will both benefit. She knows you love her.
The problem is this makes me too available for my demanding mom. Anyway, enough about me. My point is I think it would be good for you to get some kind of part time job to have a social diversion, not be totally available for your mom, and I don't know what your financial situation is but most people could always use a bit of extra money, even if for mad money for vacations, etc. (and I think in your position it would be good to get away on vacation now and then)
Do what is best for you!
Good luck!
I could not imagine either of my parents trying to dictate through words or guilt tripping my decisions in life. They tried it when I was much younger and I walked away for years.
I have to caution you that this is not easy. I am sole caregiver to my bedridden husband and he still needs to be tended to after I get home. I work from 8AM to 1PM and all my housekeeping, caregiving and other duties are waiting for me when I get home. I like this job and the people I work with, but honestly, I’d rather be home.
When and if you job hunt, make sure you are very particular and a good fit for the company. Find out if Mom would benefit from a part time caregiver. A retired nurse might be a good fit for her. The nurse could help her keep up with her speech and physical therapies.
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