Have posted here couple times and I have read threads to much help and familiarity with caregiving. It all helps to know that we arent alone. My concern is my grandmother's (72 with CHF and vascular dementia) paper towel habit. She uses them to sit on the seat or couch, and or to makeshift pads or just simply on top. I know she uses them because of the paper trails (like hanzel and gretel) and the clean up as you can imagine is tedious and never ending. Not to mention its not healthy. I've reminded her to change often so we can avoid accidents and infections but she insists she isnt wet or soiled and doesnt need to shower. I want her to be clean and smelling nice. I clean up any towels she brings out because more often than not they're wet and smelly. She doesnt like to sleep on a mattress pad. (I TRIED) she ends up folding it and under the sink! Each time I try to have her change or even clean up it's a problem and I get called controlling or the police :( it's the same attitude with her meds, food and just daily things. I try not to force her to do anything she doesnt want to but its troubling to see her this way. I also live with an uncle whom needs certain level of care but is more independent than my grandma. (45yrs old and sees social worker yearly) He helps her with meals when she is the most picky and non compliant (she thinks she will gain weight but cant swell up due to her chf) so in her mind she cant eat. So using treats to have her change is a hit or miss. She likes to complain most about the foods she eats. Tries to feed us with her food most of the time hahaha I keep reminding her that we all have our own servings and if we eat out usually we share meals (I had gastric sleeve surgery so I cannot eat much and have lost weight) Things at home have been challenging since her last TIA but her napkin/tissue habit is tiresome and not healthy. Im at a loss of any solution. I havent had any tissue related nightmares so that's a plus!
As for the bed, get a nice waterproof mattress cover, the kind they try to sell you when you buy a new mattress. And they make chair covers for incontinence too, tell her they are just to keep the furniture nice for company.
Hadn't heard of Viva napkins though.
My mother has what seems to be mainly vascular dementia (VaD). Since your gma has CHF and TIA's, I imagine you are looking at the same thing. Sometimes I wonder if there is something about VaD that gives people a particular stubborn streak. If your gma is anything like my mother, she will insist on keeping control. There's not much I can do with my mother except clean behind her and try to keep emotions out of it. Mila, I wish you could have a better life for yourself, but I know leaving things behind is easier said than done. I know there are many people on the group who understand what you're going through, so feel free to vent here.