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Hey!


So I'll try to keep this as short as possible, my grandmother (90) has been struggling a lot over the past 5-7 years and even more since covid. We have noticed a massive drop in her weight to unhealthy levels, she is unable to hear but won't get checked, unable to see but won't wear glasses and flat out refuses to go to any dentist, doctors or hospitals.


Currently she lives 100 miles away from any family and refuses to move closer. Her neighbour has been helping her but over the last year its getting too much for the neighbour and isn't really their responsability.


She cannot read her mail, sometimes she can't even see who is in the room with her and is very vulnerable whilst stuck in a false belief that she is completely independent.


The major issue we have is over the last few days she has managed to cut open her leg, very badly at that and my partners grandmother (20+ years nurse) came over to check it and has recommended hospital ASAP as its quite serious saying it could lead to ulcerating and potentially unable to walk, she explained this to my grandmother but she isn't fully understanding the gravity of the situation and continues to refuse to go to hospital thinking it will just heal.


We are entirely stuck on what to do and our options, last time we had her down she got very nasty when we pushed any of the matters (Mainly moving) but its getting to the point where we are seriously concerned for her wellbeing and health.


Any advice would be grateful

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This is a Feb 1 question I must have missed. I hope you are doing OK and I would love an update, as well. How are you doing?
I am a nurse as well. Sorry, but I think I would be calling transport by ambulance to hospital. Especially if she is not understanding. I would notify APS in the area for wellness check at this time.
Sepsis can kill quickly. It's what took my brother. Truth is that he would RATHER have been "taken" than to live to face down the Lewy's Dementia, early diagnosis, facing him.
I think if you are not willing to go, see how she is, call ambulance if needed, and file for guardianship (this would indeed be putting an enormous burden on you) you should let the APS know you cannot take conservatorship of Grandmother; this may be a task for the State to get guardianship and placement. On the other hand, if Grandmother is shown to be competent in her own decision she may be transported back home, where nature will take its course.
So sorry. So much harder to worry from some distance away. Sure wish you the best and hope you will update. Tell both neighbor and the visitor nurse that they should call ambulance if worried. I am afraid the neighbor, albeit so kind, is enabling Grandmother's needed care.
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You could apply for a POA
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AlvaDeer Mar 2022
As POA for a woman with no diagnosis of incompetency for her own decisions, our OP could do what she is able to do now, essentially nothing. You do not apply for a POA. It is conferred upon you by, in this case, the Grandmother, because she recognizes she needs/wants your help. That isn't the case here. Guardianship would be the only option, and that is a whole lot of work for an uncooperative senior, and unless grandmother is COMPLETELY demented, they would not get guardianship in court, just a big lawyer's bill.
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DJ, one reason for calling 999 or getting Social Services involved is to protect YOU from being charged with neglect of her medical needs.
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DJ, how are things today? Were you able to get in touch with social services or get medical attention?
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If your grandmother is legally competent, she has the right to refuse treatment. If there is any reason to suspect that she is not mentally competent, then the next step will be to have her mentally evaluated and to take her before a judge to declare her mentally incompetent. Afterwards, to give the Power of Attorney to someone who will make all financial and medical decisions for her. Until, she is declared incompetent by a Court, she is entitled to refuse treatment.
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Now that she's with you, call your local EMT right now. Even though you don't believe she'll cooperate. Wait outside for them to arrive. Tell them before they come in that she's uncooperative and ask if they can try to talk her into going. That's what I did with my Mom, and the EMT guys were able to explain the need to go to the Hospital, and she listened to them. They're used to dealing with uncooperative patients.

Even if she refuses to go - then you know you've done your best and you've done the right thing by making sure an EMT has arrived and assessed her - even if she chooses to refuse the treatment.

The EMT's should be able to tell you your next steps on what to do in your area if she refuses their assistance, and who to contact next.
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Go online and look up "Adult Social Care" for your grandmother's town. You should get a result for her Local Authority's own website (if you're in the UK it will be something like xxxxshire.gov.uk or manchester.gov.uk or barnet.gov.uk or whatever) and may direct you straight to the right department. Once you're on the website, search for "adult safeguarding." There will be either an online reporting form or a telephone number or both; and you report your concern as being one of self-neglect. Tell them what you've told us about your grandmother's diminishing ability to feed or care for herself leading to this current injury. If you get stuck feel free to private message me or come back and post on this thread and we'll try and get it sorted out - the important thing is to get Social Services involved. And don't worry, they won't try to strong-arm her into doing anything she isn't happy with.
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Djayzere Feb 2022
Thank you Countrymouse, I do believe we are at that breaking point where Social Services would be a good idea as were currently scared that if we allow her to go home, we may never see her again.
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Have her neighbor or the RN call 911 and have the EMTs look at her leg.
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Djayzere Feb 2022
Thank you for the quick reply, unfortunately im not sure if this will help.
Currently she is staying at ours as her boiler packed up but she refuses to have any medicial professional help and only reason we managed to get a nurse to look at it was because it was a family member she knows.

The advice we have been given is that the cut is so deep and wide she needs to have stitches & requires A&E, even if we call an EMT she will refuse treatment.
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