Hi there.
My grandparents were both moved into a nursing home within the past week. They both have dementia. My grandmother can remember most things, but she recently started hallucinating. My grandfather has about a 2-minute memory span. My grandmother has fallen 10+ times in the past week, with the most recent time causing a hospital visit with staples to the back of her head. This is what prompted the move into the nursing home. My family lives an hour away, and they have nobody else to care for them. We cannot be expected to drive an hour both ways to pick her up off the floor multiple times a night. (They’ve exhausted the local fire department with their calls). The problem is that my grandmother has panic attacks and calls us from one of the nurses’ phones multiple times a day screaming to get her out of there. My grandfather tries to calm her down, but it doesn’t help. This is too emotionally taxing on my entire family. My father, (their child) has a history of heart attacks and I worry that the stress of this will give him another one. We all know that they cannot go back to their home, but she refuses to accept it. The thing is it was actually her idea to go into the home. Now that she’s there, she refuses to stay. This is the best option. She has full time care for bathing, moving, cooking, and cleaning, which we previously had to do for her. Plus, they are 5 minutes from our house as opposed to an hour away. How do we get her to realize that there is no going back? This is the best option for everyone.
I don't mean that she should be drugged into a stupor; a good geripsych can find meds that will keep her calm and happy.
Also, make sure she gets tested for a UTI; they can cause a sudden change in mental status.
Your Dad needs to call the Director of Nursing and request that the nurses do not let his mother use the phone to call him. He only wants emergency calls concerning his parents from a Nurse only. Some people have posted here that the aides have called them constantly. Both nurses and aides in care facilities should know how to handle residents. If an aide cannot handle a resident their are LPNs and RNs to help them. And as Barb says, there are meds to help Grandmom.
Does she remember your number to dial? Or a nurse dials your number for her?
The nurses should not let your grandmother to use the phone to begin with. And if a nurse dials your number for grandma, that's even worse. They are not doing their job that they are paid to do.
As far as her "refusing to stay in the NH" goes, how is she planning to get home? The staff and DON should be made aware of her desire to leave so if she should try, she can be stopped and your dad can be notified. I wouldn't worry too much about an elder with dementia leaving a NH and going home, honestly. She needs time to acclimate AND a care plan that includes calming meds to keep her on an even keel, the poor soul.
Best of luck to you.
My mom started in skilled nursing because I didn't know any better, and it was a nightmare. They don't know how to handle dementia patients at all. Make sure you have them in the proper type of facility (and MC can handle the physical ailments, too), plus get Grandma some anti-anxiety meds. She's disoriented because of the new surroundings.
Sadly this cannot be.
Also, there are times we don't get our preferred choice, or much of a choice at all.
This is one.
Supervised & supportive residential accommodation is now required. The choices are this facility or maybe another one... But no longer 'home'.
They cannot reason this but in time, will grow to feel safe & have familiarity there. It will become home.
Can they actually leave by themselves? Not likely.
So stay they must. Harsh but true.
Work on dealing with the phone calls will be your task - reassurance, distraction & some avoidance as you must.
With time you will all adjust.
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