Grief over daddy and now mom. How do I get passed anger for the woman at grief support?

I'm not as stupid as you seem to think I am - &, like I said don't minimize my grief!

Are you sure? You still don't seem to "get it". Nobody can minimize YOUR grief! Grief is relative. I was stating my own personal opinion, having been on both sides of the fence. You were asking how to get over your anger. My answer was forgive her RUDENESS. Try it one more time. Read it slower, that might help. And DON"T tell me what I can or can not say. :) Have a nice day.

For the final time, do NOT minimize my grief Have a nice day too.

Oh, my goodness. Poor krusso is SUFFERING...sharing her feelings, trying to pull herself out of are negative place, going to a support group and not feeling supported, even feeling put down for her feelings.

Then she comes here, supposing to be a safe place of support, which has been helpful before, and the posts are beginning to help pull her through by soothing and understanding. Then Heidi writes something that totally resonates with krusso and you can tell it's beginning to make her feel better.

Then all of a sudden BonChak chines in, even though she starts out by saying she was going to stay away from this post, but doesn't, and spins the entire conversation right back to where krusso was coming from in the first place.

Now two members are warring amongst themselves DON'T tell me what to do! Well then, Don't Tell ME what to do! OMG... I'm trying to imagine why BonChak had needed that particular time to chime in without realizing she was pulling the conversation back in the wrong direction. But I can only infer that THAT is HER perspective. It was just ill timed to share it at that moment.

Everything, every single thing, in life is relative and it's all about perspective. I can share my own story of loss right now because it's pertinent, and hope I won't be judged because it's not a parent or child, it's about a dog. But the analogy is similar, and it's about insensitive comments. I'm single, never been married, had my own business, have taken care of 4 close relatives with dementia, without the help of my family, but my avocation was Animal Rescue. I placed most of the animals I rescued but did keep several and it would be fair to say that I had more animals than most people would prefer. One old red dog, toothless, arthritic and partially blind I rescued from the busy street in front of my business one day. I had him for three years before he passed. There was a girlfriend of mine whom I had known since we were 11 years old. She I loved her ONE dog very much and never judged me for my Menagerie. But when I was upset and told her Red had died, she rather flippantly and cavalierly said that at least it wasn't one of my "regular" animals. Can I even explain to you how that comment took me aback? What is that supposed to mean I asked her. Well, you didn't have him since he was a puppy or anything. I kept confronting her and her answers got more and more lame. She had a very sick mom, an autistic child, an agoraphobic husband as well as a disabled large dog. I had never been anything other than helpful and supportive of her and her family needs. And biw she couldn't see that I could love this old dog the same as my other dogs and cats I may have had all their lives. We didn't keep bringing this up but we never really came to an agreement on the philosophy of this. Little my little our friendship of 50 years eroded and it is today non existent.

Now, some of you might say, OMG, just over a DOG? But, no, over feeling hurt an unsupported. Not the dog, my emotions. Things affect you very powerfully when your emotions are raw and out there on your sleeve.

So, I think what krusso was trying to address in the beginning what's her pain. And the woman in the support group also having pain, was saying, My pain's bigger than your pain. Then BC chimed in to enforce that idea. I'm here to tell you, as Heidi said, this isn't a peeing contest for who hurts more than anybody else. This is a Support Forum - offer positive advice but please don't interject your own story as a way to quantify someone else's experience, particularly as a way of putting it benearh your own!

Carol you must have misinterpreted my post as well. Oh well, your loss. I was sharing my opinions, just like everyone else was. That was in NO WAY diminishing anyone elses feelings. I was also giving advice. The question was how to handle anger. My answer was forgive. The original poster was rude to others that were expressing their opinions as well. I thought the fact that the professionals did not acknowledge her complaints as much as she would have liked, was very telling as well. I think a persons attitude gets them what it gets them. Sour begets sour, compassion begets compassion.......think about it, before you attack me for MY feelings and opinions and answers to questions asked. Maybe you should re-read too.

I'm starting to understand why Jeanne left. Sigh.

There's that old story: EVERYBODY'S out of step but Johnny...

BoniChak - I didn't misinterpret your post. OF COURSE it is worse to lose a child than a parent. OF COURSE. NO CONTEST.

But there doesn't have to be a contest! Krusso, I can personally clearly imagine what it was like to have someone tell you that you have no right to grieve, how painful and insulting and blaming that was. That is NOT what anyone here is saying.

It is worse to lose a leg than a foot, but they are both terrible and cause suffering and sadness and a big change in your life. It is not minimizing your right to grieve to say which is worse, because what has happened to you, or will happen to you is the worst thing that has ever happened to YOU. You can have a little grief or a lot of grief or no grief at all, and no one should tell you different.

Krusso, You were hurt and angry with good reason. But to tell a mother whose son was MURDERED that she is minimizing your grief is lacking in compassion and any sort of perspective. Get over yourself. NOT over your grief, but get over having rules about how people are supposed to treat you.

You do have a chip on your shoulder, or thin skin or something. Again, I'm not talking about your grief, but about what you will allow others to say to you. No one gets to control what other people say to them. You can say what you like to BoniChak. I also get to say to you that I think you are being unkind to someone who was NOT being unkind to you. Please relax and let us continue to support you in your grief. You do not get less sympathy from us because it's ONLY your parents who are dying.

CarolLynn - That was not a very nice thing to say - "There's that old story: EVERYBODY'S out of step but Johnny..." But of course you have the right to say it.....

Today being my dead son's Birthday, it has been an emotional day, to say the least. Thank you to the many of you,that support my right to an opinion on a subject I know WAY TOO much about.Thanks also to all of you that sent me personal hugs. I really needed them today. Special shout out to my defender and friend Jinx. You Rock and you know it!

I shouldn't have asked that question & from now on I'll stick to parent care. If I can help others w/my own experience I will. This is a SUPPORT group, & calling nursing homes a "garbage can for the elderly" is NOT support! Another member called them that &, well...When you enter a support group, mainly in person but now online too, the purpose is support NOT comparing pain! I don't know why I can't get some people to understand that! Anyway, I consider my question closed now.