Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
were about to bury my mother and there is grief and loss mixed with relief for her. the ladys words may have not came out well or may not have sat well with you but if she lost a child shes probably more broken than bent. i agree with her statement..
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

LadeeC - THANK YOU!!!That's exactly what I was trying to say! We NEVER diminish each others' pain! I did speak to the facilitator BEFORE I left & he apologized & was shocked but that was it. And like I said I spoke to the main facilitator but she wasn't very helpful. She said she couldn't guarantee someone else wouldn't say the same thing to me since they can't censor what people say! I tried FB but didn't get much support or advice. I just need to know how to FORGET what she said which I'm having a very hard time doing.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As far as I'm concerned, the number ONE rule in any grieving group should be: "My pain is mine, yours is yours. We cannot know how that pain feels or impacts our own reality. Do not diminish my pain, in light of yours .. and I won't diminish yours, in light of mine."

I'm mean and ornery enough, that if my sense of loss and pain had been ignored or diminished by specific actions .. either from another griever or from the facilitator, I'd be going directly to who or whatever is sponsoring the event. "Are you kidding?? You let people basically tell me that my pain is nothing compared to someone else's?? I'll be sure to let all MY friends know what kind of non-caring, irresponsible organization you're running. Have business cards?" (and one by one tear the things up)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sylvial, usually I can deal w/most issues about people - most people are rude & I accept that - it's life. But this REALLY caught me off guard - next time I willl remember what you suggested & say that - it's not a "selective" grief group - it's general bereavement. I know being angry harms me, but I was literally caught off guard & left because AGAIN I felt I had no business grieving since Daddy was 94 anyway, you know, old. You know, if I was a different person, I would have committed suicide after that - just saying...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think of myself in that situation and I would have said something right then to the affect of I am sorry about your loss but please don't minimize my grief of my parent. Unless of course this is a selective grief group. Maybe its wrong but my filter is gone at times and I'm not afraid to respectfully disagree. Don't be angry, speak your mind. Being angry harms you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This is going to be a suggestion that you may not agree with or be willing to do....but if it were me, I would go up to this lady and hug her, and say' I am so sorry for your loss." and walk away..... the thing here is, she is hurting too, and possibly has no one in her life to lean on... I am not saying it's ok what she said, what I am saying is, we are all at a time in our lives where it is about helping each other, the best we can....

I suggest that you go back to this group and see the pain and emptiness that others are feeling... there will be others that you will connect with... it's a simple act of empathy to let the other lady know you 'heard' her.... you don't have to like her, you don't even have to forgive her, but that just adds to your own pain.... I pray that you find a solution that works for you....people say hurtful things when they are hurting... it's just life...what we do with that speaks about us, not them.... sending you lots of hugs...
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Yes, forgiveness is possible without your offender's admittance of hurting you.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, He demonstrated the upmost forgiveness of our sins by dying on the cross for me... and by believing in Him - that he died on the cross for my sins, and was resurrected from the dead three days later, I have that same ability to forgive through the Holy Spirit. I've been victimized and hurt deeply, but I have forgiven my offenders. That does not mean I trust them. Don't confuse the two.

Your anger will turn to resentment and bitterness - and such will paralyze you and negatively effect you.. Bitterness is never healthy.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Well, I can't forgive her since she wasn't sympathetic to why I was thre. I left out the fact that I walked out during the break & never returned. I spoke w/the facilitator of that group but she wasn't much help. She got me so upset - I understand I don't "know" what she's been through, but that does NOT give her the right to tell me I have no business grieving for my Dad.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Begin by forgiving this woman for making a comment from HER perspective that you don't agree with. Her parents - or one of them - may have already died - and now she's experiencing the loss of her own child. But maybe she has not had the death of a parent yet. You don't know. But this woman still has her view and being angry towards another for her perspective is only damaging you. Bitterness does this.

Bless you. The loss of our parent(s) is really painful.. we become orphans.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

corrections...

living, gas, and the afterlife (NOT "gas")

for guidance in the FAITH department (NOT "face")

seems like what's HAPPENED IN these two cases

1 person has given you A very matter of fact (NOT "hey")

have an affinity with or KNOW they are open minded (NOT "no")
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You must develop and have faith in what your beliefs are regarding living, gas and the afterlife. You must have an inner knowing that you are correct (and its not only okay but also preferable to amend your beliefs from time to time based on new knowledge you come across or feelings you have) and stick with it no matter what someone else tells you. Don't reach out to strangers for guidance in the face department because there are as many different beliefs as there are people and you are bound to get answers with which you don't agree. Seems like what's happenin these two cases you describe - 1 person has given you hey very matter of fact, secular answer, and the other person you may have expected a God based answer from and yet that was not forthcoming. Why be angry at anyone? Just take the perspective that each person is trying to help in their own way; if their answer wasn't for you, thank them and move on. Don't try to make friends with someone you don't jibe with. Some folks say don't talk sex, religion or politics because it'll get you in trouble every time. I say its okay to discuss those subjects with somebody you know a little bit better and either have an affinity with or no they are open minded enough to speak philosophically and not take offense at dogma.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter