My mother and I never had a good relationship. She is now in a SNF and I go to visit 1-2 times a week. I don't enjoy going and feel guilty. My siblings and I divide up the week and someone is there every day.
but I dread going. don't have a lot to talk with her about and feel a sense of relief when I leave.
Give a purpose to your visits...you may not like them now, but ....I agree , you are feeling normal, but the time will pass and your will look back and be happy you went...
My dad was in a nursing home for 6 months before he died. And while I wanted to see my dad and I wanted him to know that I hadn't forgotten about him it was a chore when I went to see him. Am I proud that I felt that way? No. But I went several times a week. And each time after our visit as I was walking out to my car I too was relieved that it was over. My dad wasn't difficult, he was a very sweet and loving man yet I still felt that way. And I felt guilty for feeling that way.
I can't absolve you of your guilt but I think what you're feeling is normal.