We’ve made some progress in the last year. My 83 year old father's license was suspended, not just temporarily this time. My sister finally agreed not to fight me in putting him in a home, as she can finally see I’m very sick with seizures and can’t take care of him. I finally had my father agree to an assessment by a social worker. Of course he’s not happy with any of this, but I told him he had no choice. He’s causing trouble for me. I have his siblings and their children calling me and leaving nasty text messages. They are in denial with his dementia. He tells them how horrible I am, taking away his license for no reason. Not allowing him to cook, etc. They insist he’s capable and even if he had dementia he should be allowed (little do they know what a danger he is). I tried to reason with my aunt. Telling her she really has no idea what the doctors' tests results are. I told her they suspended his license for a reason, they had to have reason and proof. Of course she didn’t want to hear any of this. Told me I should feel guilty for ruining what few years of life he has left and trying to get rid of him by killing him off. She then went on to stab at the heart even more. I thought to myself I’m sure glad I’m not suicidal at the moment, or I might just have ended my life after her text. Of course, I had to block all of the extended family. It’s amazing how everyone wants to tell you how to take care of someone, but nobody wants to step up to the plate and take them off of your hands. If they truly cared about him or me being so sick, they would. But, I was thinking after 7 years of taking care of my father, things are finally starting to fall into place with his care. It’s been such a stressful journey, and me developing seizures along the way, yet there is no winning with dementia. I have a father who hates me and doesn’t appreciate anything we’ve done for him. We’ve never been so distant. I no longer have any extended family. My own sister and I have grown apart and I will probably have to watch my father die in a rest home. I think the first thing I have to do after all of this is get therapy for myself. I know many of you have had similar experiences. Thanks for letting me vent. Hang in there 🤗
You did what needed to be done. Your Dad has Dementia. His brain is dying. What he says should not be taken seriously. Too bad we have HIPPA because those relatives would get copies of Dads health records showing he has been diagnosed with a Dementia and he needs 24/7 care. If they didn't agree, they could bug the doctor.
No one knows, including me at one time, what goes into caring for someone 24/7. Someone who will not improve but worsen. And you have no idea how long it will last. I may have said "you are welcome to take him to ur house and care for him"
He is safe, fed and cared for. Your health is such that you cannot care for him any longer. Not an excuse, a fact. Sorry you had to block everyone but it really is none of their business. Since the siblings think u should be caring for him, lets see if their children step up to the plate when their health goes downhill.
Take care of yourself. Set those boundries.
You know you did the right thing. You did what needed to be done for your health and safety as well as your father's.
Therapy sounds like a good idea if for no other reason than to give you the opportunity to talk through and process all of your thoughts and feelings about your father. I think sometimes having to make choices like this are a dual edged sword. You know you made the right choice but that doesn't mean you don't still have doubts and feel guilt, and the anger mongering of your family does nothing to help with that regardless of that fact that it was the best decision. Even if they were supporting you, you would still have those feelings.
Life is perfectly imperfect. For every decision that we make there is always the other decisions that we didn't make that we wonder about the outcome and wonder if we made the wrong decision and question ourselves and seek validation. And our support system can make that better or worse in how they handle those decisions.
Your father is where he can best be taken care of AND also where you have the opportunity to best take care of yourself. If family didn't step up to offer to care for him perhaps they don't understand the extent of his needs. Or perhaps they do....and they themselves harbor some guilt of where he is now and are transferring it to you because they knew they weren't willing to take over for you and they know it's the only option but feel bad too...who knows why people do or say half of the things they do.
At the end of the day...you did what was right for you and for your father....if they wanted a different outcome they should have offered a different solution rather than you being the permanent caregiver.