My mom has been sick for four months and I have moved in for two months to care for her. She had surgery and her muscles have pretty much died from being in bed with pain. She has started physical therapy but refuses to do the exercises on her own. She won't do them on the days the p t doesn't come. She wants me to wait on her hand and foot if I refuse she pouts and cries. She is very negative demanding and impatient I am to the point of resenting her and the guilt is overwhelming me.
Also i have tried calling elder services yesterday and they were no help either. Who else can I call..any suggestions??
Now, mom is healthy and enjoying life and being waited on hand and foot, at the NH. She will be 96 on the 30th of this month.
If your mom made no plans for her health care, later in life, that isn't your problem.
(Yes, I know it is difficult.)
You are burnt out and your husband is probably upset partly over this burning your out and is feeling very frustrated over not being able to do anything about your burn out, how much life is going to change with the birth of the baby, and maybe feeling like he's been second fiddle to mom which if mom stays there means he will be third fiddle once the child is born. You're never first fiddle again as a husband until the empty nest time comes around. Then you are free to be a couple once again. However, the relationship still needs work while raising children.
I wish some other people would jump in here. I don't know where everyone that is usually here is today.
I hope this helps
I don't know if I should answer her or go to your thread. So, I'm going to summarize what I've learned from your thread.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/help-with-disabled-mom-with-multiple-sclerosis-178961.htm
You have been taking care of your mother since you were 18 and she's living in your house. I'll quote the rest from your thread
"2 years ago she fell and broke her leg and my life has been nothing but a nightmare. She still cant walk...she cant really do much for herself accept feed and change herself. In November I found out I was pregnant and since then there has been so much added stress on me and my husband. Her doctors wont help me...my mom doesn't want home health in the house. My mother is coming between me and my husband and the added stress of being pregnant is taking its toll on me. I dont know what to do anymore. My mother needs around the clock care...but she wont willing go into a nursing home she thinks I can handle everything and mind you my husband and I both work fulltime. I need help I really don't know what to do anymore."
It helps to know this information. About the only way that I know that you could move her would be to become her guardian, but a doctor would have to say that she is incompetent which she may not be. I hope someone has an idea how to deal with this.
I am sorry to hear this is coming between you and your husband, particularly with the upcoming birth.
Sounds like she should have gone to rehab and then to a nursing home after she fell and broke that leg.
Are you living with her or is she living with you? I"m not clear.
How old is your mother and what are her health problems? She must not be too old with you being young enough to have a baby on the way. Congratulations!
This is probably stupid of me to ask, but did your mother ever give you medical POA? You can still communicate privately with her doctor. I use to write my mother's neurologist when I felt that I needed to and that helped. What about durable POA?
I"m sorry that you and your husband moved in with her two years ago. Was that the only option at the time?
It sounds to me that moving out of there and getting your mother some other kind of help would be ideal.
An assisted living doesn't sound like a good fit for her. They aren't at her beck and call and she will have to do for herself. She has made this bed and you don't have to lie in it with her. Get going. You can do this.