His relatives abroad (Philippines) leave Facebook messages asking for money. These are his siblings. While I can empathize with their problems, especially after a typhoon or natural disaster, I am feeling a bit numb after so many requests and when there seems to be little concern for what is happening to us (my mom died a few years ago, I’m the sole caretaker). I don’t want to become cynical but Dad’s wasting away is so overwhelming that I’m often fatigued by the end of the day. It’s not about the money, but the lack of feeling and consideration, that gets me down. Are we just an ATM machine? Do they not understand the severity of Dad’s health? The feeling that the “family” isn’t really family is so sad. In hindsight I can see that the generosity of my parents (a trait I always admired) should have been tempered with boundaries and discernment.
This may sound extreme, but after several of the predatory situations in my family, my parent completely cut off communication with my bad-acting siblings. Doing so reduced their stress.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your wife. From reading your profile she had been quite ill for a long time.
I don't know your step-daughter but her "shopping list" could very well not be what you think. She may be worried that her mother's jewelry will be lost or given away by mistake, or stolen if there's going to be people showing up at your house because they do show up when someone passes.
When a family member I was very close to was in the hospital and she wasn't going to recover, I went into her house and took jewelry. Not for myself but because if I didn't do this her things would have gotten sold and smoked up in her DIL's crackpipe. She had granddaughters and nieces that these things belonged to by rights. She just didn't have time to write it down.
Your step-daughter just lost her mother. She has grief too even if how's she expressing it seems indifferent to you.