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In many cultures Filipino among them relatives in the old country think everyone living in America is rich. So if one of their relatives gets here he is therefore obligated to financially support all of them for the rest of their lives. These people believe this.
Your parents didn't owe these people anything and neither do you.
You've got enough on your plate with your father being so ill. Most certainly you do not need the additional burden of money-grubbing, greedy relatives panhandling you from another country.
Those relatives in the Philippines understand what cancer is. Everyone the world over knows that word.
I'm sure they do love and care about your father. They love and care about his money more though. Don't forget it and don't give them anything.
My friend married a girl from the Philippines (he isn't Filipino). She was a nice girl and they're still together now 20 years later. Her family over there never left them alone. They demanded and begged for money daily claiming that they were starving and couldn't even afford food. So they gave generously. Her husband's family pitied them as well and also gave generously. This went on for years. Until she saw some pictures on social media from her mother's birthday party. Mom was dripping with gold jewelry and showing off a brand-new Gucci handbag.
Her beggar siblings who cried they couldn't feed their kids or keep a roof over their heads were looking pretty good in designer clothes and everyone (including the kids) dripping in gold jewelry like grandma. This birthday party didn't look third-world to me. At a hotel with all kinds of food and decorations. Yet they were still hitting up my friends and their in-laws for more money.
When the money train finally stopped, the family over in the Philippines stopped contacting my friend, his Filipino wife and his family. In fact they had no contact with them for almost five years. During that time they had and lost a baby and not one of them reached out to even offer a condolence. One of the siblings did contact them when her daughter was getting married because they wanted them to pay for the wedding. Of course they didn't.
I think your family is like this. Don't give them a cent. It's not your fault they're poor and you didn't make them that way. Your priority needs to be yourself and your father.
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LeahO71 Aug 2021
Thanks for sharing this! This definitely sounds like my relatives. Before I blocked them I scanned their FB posts and there’s nothing 3rd world about it—parties, beaches, and unlike here, where we do all the housework they have maids so they have time to just fix their hair and go out. It sounds so eerily familiar—the pity calls and then never giving us a condolence when we are suffering. Not one call. No contact. Like we never existed. Before it was all we are family, but once you stop the money train we are persona non grata. It’s so sad but I appreciate you sharing with me that story because at least I know I’m not alone in this deep sorrow and realization that the family are just cold hearted blood suckers. Not to chastise my native culture but this entitlement seems to be normalized and even encouraged in the Filipino culture. I’m sad because my father would give them the shirt off his back but they have no regard for our humanity. In fact, when my dad was hospitalized over Christmas and into the new year, for nearly three months I could not visit him because of CoVId, I was alone for the holidays so was he, I took time to send a big Christmas box to his brother in the Philippines. He never even acknowledged receiving it. When I asked him is FB if he got it he says yeah but that he didn’t like what I sent, he expected other stuff. Can you believe that? For me that was the last straw….
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Some people have no shame. Perhaps it's time for you to send them a blunt response such as: "Your brother and my father is dying from pancreatic cancer. Stop asking him for money. You are making a difficult and painful time worse!"
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LeahO71 Aug 2021
Thank you!!
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You’d be doing your dad a favor by putting a stop to this. I hope you’re his POA for healthcare and medical decisions, and that he has a will that spells out what he wants to become of his assets after he’s gone. These documents will help guide you now and in the time to come. Don’t hesitate to act, ask dad what his wishes are for his money, including being sure he’s aware that his need to pay for more care could be coming. If his judgment is being impaired, you’ll need to take over his finances. There's nothing for either of you to feel bad about in looking out for his best interests and I wish you the best
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LeahO71 Aug 2021
Thank you! I am his POA and we discussed his will with the lawyer, I’m the prime beneficiary, so we have that all spelled out. I feel so bad for my dad because these are his siblings, I know how lonely it has been for him but that’s the price you pay when you immigrate. Sentimentality aside, I need to just focus on his health and my own mental health.
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block on facebook
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LeahO71 Aug 2021
Thanks! I did that, then they created new accounts using the names of my mom’s relatives. Sneaky. I will no longer accept new FB requests
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