Everyday I feel like vomiting because of the responsibility I have taking care all of my mother's property. We put her in an assisted living. I have been the caregiver for 4 years. Everything is still my responsibility with no help from the siblings other than them wanting to come in the house and grab everything they can. I just want this to be over with.
Eventually, I got over it-just one of many emotional daggers thrown my way from my mother. Now that i am primary POA for sis with dementia I can not handle any more from my parents anyway I am glad now that I won't have to do or make any decisions for them-free taxi service-i do not offer advice for anything medical. Mom says something to me recently about the POA-I say I am not on your papers-I am not the one to make these decisions etc for you any more. Mom seems to have forgotten about the legal changes they made.
I have crappy siblings. I have a mom that favors her sons over me because she would not accept the boundaries I set. She ran to them and told stories out of context. She was passive aggressive in her approach. My brothers refused to hear my side of things. They were condescending and patronizing. We were never close to begin with due to various reasons.
Nope, having medical POA wasn’t worth it! I gave up! I did more than my share after caring for mom for 15 years in my home. They pushed me too far.
So I dumped it all in their laps. I checked out! Went no contact for my own sanity. Regrets? No! I did what I had to do. My mom’s doctors praised my caregiving. I know that I did my very best but could not avoid burning out after so many years of doing it all alone.
I feel relief. I miss the concept of a family but never had a healthy relationship with siblings. God knows that I tried to have healing and build a good relationship with all of them. We can’t control or change anyone else. We are only responsible for our own actions. My brothers were never there for mom. Used her for free meals and money. Families sometimes become dysfunctional and complicated. Sorry that you are struggling in your family. Many of us have had family issues too.
Best wishes to you. Take care. Be at peace. I hope you find joy in the near future.
I would not give up the POAs. She cannot assign someone else if suffering from a Dementia. So I wouldn't give them up. Just change what ur doing. I would turn off what I could. Like phone and cable. Have a timer to turn electric on and off. I had the living room light come on and a car in the driveway so it looked like someone was living there. I turned the heat down to 55. I unplugged the stove, frig and small appliances.
Its just a waste of time and money keeping a house going. Take what you want and let the others take what they want. One less thing you will have to clean out. You will need to sell the house at Market Value so have an appraiser look at it. This is just in case Medicaid is ever involved. Sell it "as is". Then u have to do no work on it. The money spent on taxes and upkeep could go to Moms care.
In your case who would become POA? If a sibling would not do it you might have the option of having the State step in and become your mothers Guardian if that is done you nor anyone in the family will have any say as to what happens to your mom. They could transfer her at anytime to any place in the state.
This is a matter that you might want to discuss with the Attorney that drew up the papers to begin with. Or better consult with an Elder Care Attorney if the first one does not specialize in Elder Care Law.
This is an important fact to consider before anyone agrees to become POA for Finances or Health or becomes a Guardian. It is not always easy, it can be stressful and it can be time consuming.