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Eyeirshlass, no need to apologize, but thank you. Yes, I sort of think that she is hoping for a fall and wants to hasten the end her life that way. Still we have the type of relationship that she could say that to me. I would respect if that is her thinking. But, still I want to discuss things like two adults!
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@Eyerishlass- Thanks, so any tips on a conversation starter? She is unwilling to have conversation and I would like to introduce the idea. She may refuse ALF, but it seems like that is a given if it is never discussed. I see the compromise and would be willing to go there if she were willing to discuss options. Her lack of rationale discussion is of course because she wants to maintain control; I get that and respect that, so I am hoping for feedback on how to open up the discussion.
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I have to apologize, RhondaAllison, I didn't mean to sound so insensitive. What I should have said is that when elderly people refuse to budge from their homes, and there are a lot who do, what happens in many cases is that there is a medical emergency at some point which leads to a nursing home.

Again, my apology.
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Most elderly people are unwilling to have the conversation about what step to take next.

Your mom wants to stay in her home. Most people do. If she wants to continue to live independently she will need some assistance like an aide who stays overnight to make sure your mom is ok. That's the compromise. You and your siblings will back off if she gets someone in the home to assist her. That's how you frame it.

As far as AL goes, you can't force your mom to move there. You can't physically carry her on your back and plop her down in an AL facility. If she continues to live at home she'll probably fall and end up in a NH anyway so let her hang onto her independence for as long as she can---with in-home help.
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