Right now trying to sort out the best course of action. I am so burnt out caring for my Mother who is in what I think is her seventh year of dementia. I have been caring for her for five years. I have followed the post here and other web sites about different solutions. I have read over and over that people who have dementia seem okay with being put into memory care facilities allowing their children and or caregivers to walk away without guilt.
That is just not what I am experiencing. My Mother is scared. She asks me over and over what is wrong with her. She is aware that her mind is not working correctly. I try my hardest to keep the tone of my voice friendly but sometimes when answering the same question over and over I snap. When that happens she says, Why are you so mean to me? God, I am not mean at all but confess to be inpatient at times. One minute she says I never wanted you to take care of me and the next accuses me of trying to get rid of her. And in the next breath will ask me Is this my house and praise me for being a good sister. I am her daughter.
I am looking for solutions, investigating day care, hiring a companion or God forbid putting her in a long term care facility. To complicate things further I am also having memory issues. It scares me to make decisions for her when my own judgement is impaired.
Sorry, just venting I guess.
For those of you who have faced these issues I am just wondering when will she be happy and unconcerned with her decline?
Finances permitting, the first thing is getting an aide to come in for at least 3 hours per day. Have them do all the morning care and breakfast. You leave the house for some "me time". Recharge your batteries.
Above all should not look at going into a skilled home for care as failure or neglect on your part. At this point your mother has reached the point I believe you are asking about. You just may not see it. The fact she does not know who you are is rather telling.
One other thing. We speak of the here and now, but remember it only gets worse.
I am sorry if I sound to clinical, but as a home nurse I have seen this over and over and it is my best advice.
This hard--so you have to get tough and do what might have seemed unthinkable a while ago. You have to be the grown-up.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
If you can afford to hire help at home then do so - you may find you will need to try several out before finding the right one - agencies can run about $20/hour with a 20 hour / week min. If you hire on your own then you will need to cover social security taxes and workers comp insurance
Are you the sole caregiver for your mom?
So, the things your mom gets upset about will change as the dementia progresses. I, personally, do not think there is any such thing as happily demented 100% of the time. There will always be things that are nor part of HER reality that will have her in tears, angry, fruatrated, you name it.